My wife, Emma (32F), recently surprised me (34M) with a dream vacation. At first, I was excited, but that excitement quickly faded when I realized she had used all of our joint savings to pay for it without consulting me. This isn’t the first time she’s made big financial decisions without involving me, but this one left us with almost nothing in the bank.

After some thought, I told her that I think we should have separate bank accounts moving forward. I don’t want to feel like our financial future is being gambled on whims, and I believe this would give us both some autonomy. Emma was furious and accused me of overreacting, saying that the vacation was a gift and that I should be grateful.

Now, things are tense between us. She’s acting like I don’t trust her, but in my view, it’s about ensuring we both have control over our money. I don’t want this to ruin our relationship, but I also don’t want to go through this financial stress again. AITA?

About a month ago, my wife's parents both died in a car crash. She has been an emotional mess. We live in her hometown, so we have been seeing her family and friends often.

I've been supportive any way I can, I've taken care of all house chores, and I've been there for her every day.

Here's where things get messy. She has an ex. Let's call him Luke.

Luke is not just her ex, Luke is still friends with her, and her first love. They were high school sweethearts, and Luke was almost like another child to her parents. The death of her parents affected Luke a lot too.

Honestly, I didn't initially liked the fact that they were friends, but I trust my wife, and moved on from that feeling.

Few days ago, my wife said she was going to go out with her family, I told her I could go with her, but she insisted on going alone.

She didn't come back until the next morning. I tried to call her and call her family members, but no one knew where she was.

When she did come back, she was a mess. I asked her where she was all night.

She told me she fucked up, fucked up so much.

I tried to calm her down, and told her to just tell what happened and that it's OK, she can talk to me. She said she slept with Luke.

I didn't react much. I told her I need some time to think. She has apoligized so many times now. I did eventually ask her what happened.

She said she met up with Luke and they were both messes. They reminisced about her parents, which led to them remembering their relationship. They were both drinking and it just... happened.

I'm so conflicted right now. My wife is probably going through the worst time in her life, but I don't think I want to he with her now. I'm furious at her.

So, my husband statted making indirect jokes about my body/shape eversince I gave birth to our son. At first, I didn't mind a silly joke here and there but it escalated, and he started doing infront of friends and family.

Last week, we were invited by his mom to celebrate at her home. He casually made an offensive joke about my body and that was the last straw for me.

We got home and we started arguing. I recorded our conversation and this is how it went. Me: Can we talk about what happened at dinner tonight?" Him: (he was checking his phone, responding nonchalantly) "What’s there to talk about? It was just a joke." Me: "A joke? You think making fun of my body in front of your family is funny? I’ve just had our baby, and I’m still adjusting to everything! Your comments hurt, you know that, right?" Him: "Come on, it was just a little banter. Everyone laughed. Besides, if you had gotten the ‘husband's stitch’ like I suggested, maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal.” Me: (I was staring at him in disbelief after this comment) “So now it’s my fault? I’m the one to blame for your insensitive jokes? Is that really how you feel?” Him: “I’m just saying, things could be different. You chose not to do it. I thought you wanted to feel good again. It’s not like I’m trying to hurt you; I just want us to have a good sex life again". After that we kept going back and forth and ended up taking the baby and moving out. He began complaining about how I took his son away from him, how I was punishing him using our son etc. His family interjected snd told me I can't do this to him. It's been days and he's still complaining about what I did calling it overreaction and saying that I was taking my frustration out on him.

I am 34 years old. My wife is 33 years old. We’ve been together for 10 years and have a four-year-old son together.

Ever since we started dating, my wife has chronically been late. I can count on one hand how many times I remember her being on time. She has this bizarre tendency to leave when we’re supposed to be arriving at whatever venue we’re going to.

If we have reservations for 7:00, she’s not ready until 7:00.

If the movie starts at 5:45, she’s not ready until 5:45.

I used to find it kind of humorous and almost endearing. There was an ongoing joke of her being from the distant future where we had figured out wormhole technology for instant teleportation, and that she just had not adapted to the present year yet. But now that we have a child together and important appointments for which we cannot be late, it’s not funny anymore. It regularly causes me a significant amount of stress.

Our son started going to daycare last year. Since my wife is a SAHM, taking him to and from daycare is her responsibility. Naturally, she is late dropping him off every day. Then she is late picking him up.

In the middle of August, our son’s daycare sent out a group e-mail informing us that there would be a new fee for any late pickups. Every minute that a parent was late, the daycare would tack on a $2 fee. 10 minutes late would incur a $20 fee. To be perfectly honest, there’s no doubt in my mind that they started this because of my wife, who was late to pick him up literally every day his first year. I’ve tried to get her to be better, but when confronted, she always has an excuse ready to go, which makes it impossible to have any discussion about the subject.

Well, our bill for the first two weeks of September just arrived. Lo and behold, on top of the normal fee, I found a $262 late pickup fee on the bill, which means that my wife was late to pick him up, on average, 12 minutes per day.

I told my wife that as usual, I would be paying for the normal fees, but she would have to pay the $262 late pickup fee out of her $800 allowance. She initially refused, saying she couldn’t afford it (despite having no real expenses other than her phone and Netflix), and then she called the daycare to try and debate the issue. I watched as she tried to play Erin Brockovich. She eventually tired herself out frantically googling laws while on the phone and hung up on the poor staff.

At that time, I told her that it was entirely her fault, and that if she can’t even do the bare minimum of being an adult, she needs to grow up. She immediately began barraging me with excuses. She then laid down her final debate-ending question: “Why don’t you just pick him up then?”

Because I’m at work. I work for a living.

Anyway, the daycare won’t take him back until the bill is paid in full. I feel terrible for my son because he’s completely innocent in all of this and loves going to daycare, but I feel like it’s the only way to get my wife to realize there are consequences for her tardiness. Am I pushing it too far too fast, or should I stick to my guns here?

UPDATE: after reading through most of the comments and having a good chat with my old lady, she has finally agreed with me and we will NOT be letting Megan in our house. I want to thank everyone for the kind words and I would also like to clear the air and let everyone know who has read the comments I DO NOT, HAVE NOT AND WILL NOT EVER lay hands on my wife unless it’s late at night on a weekend and my kids are gone for the night. Thanks again everyone! Much love - Mike

EDIT: although this post is a bit personal I guess, I don’t not need comments deep diving into my personal life, just looking for a little advice, trolls will be reported to the moderators if need be, cmon guys just help-a-brotha-out

So, my wife (29F) and I (41M) have been together for five years, married for two. Everything has been great between us, except for one issue: her sister, Megan (26F). Megan has always been a bit of a mess—job-hopping, partying, dating sketchy guys, and making terrible life decisions. Despite all of this, my wife always goes out of her way to help her, which I guess is understandable since they're close.

A couple of months ago, Megan got evicted from her apartment because she stopped paying rent (she claims it’s because her ex-boyfriend stole money from her). She has nowhere to go and no savings. My wife came to me and said we should let Megan stay with us for "a little while" until she gets back on her feet. I immediately said no.

Here’s why:

1. Megan has stolen from us before. It was small stuff—random things like cash from my wallet or expensive liquor from our cabinet—but it’s the principle. When we confronted her, she downplayed it and said she was “just borrowing.”

2. I don’t trust her around our home. She’s messy, careless, and honestly, a bit of a liar. She’s crashed her car multiple times, has had multiple landlords say she trashed their apartments, and I don’t need that kind of stress in our house. We’ve worked hard to have a nice, peaceful home.

3. I know for a fact that if she moves in, she’ll never leave. Megan is always looking for an easy way out, and I’m not willing to have a freeloader under my roof, especially one who has proven she can't be trusted. We’d be stuck with her forever.

When I explained all of this to my wife, she got really upset. She said Megan had nowhere else to go and that she couldn’t let her own sister be homeless. I told her Megan had other options (she could move in with their parents or, you know, find a stable job), but my wife insists that she needs to stay with us because it’s “closer to her work” and Megan doesn’t get along with their parents.

I told my wife that Megan could maybe stay for a weekend or something short, but absolutely no long-term arrangement. My wife then accused me of being heartless and not caring about her family, which isn’t true—I just don’t want to deal with Megan’s irresponsibility.

We got into a huge fight about it, and now my wife is giving me the silent treatment. Meanwhile, Megan has been couch surfing and still hasn't found a permanent place, so the pressure is building. I’m holding my ground, but now both my wife and her family are calling me an asshole for “letting Megan suffer” when we have a spare room that could easily accommodate her.

AITA for refusing to let my sister-in-law move in, even though she’s homeless?

UPDATE: my wife read through a lot of these comments after me and her had a chat, I think with a couple peoples comments she can really understand where I’m coming from and view this outside of it just being her sister, THANKS REDDIT!!👍🏼

I had friends over to hangout last night. We were drinking and playing on the ps5 for a bit. My wife never really comes out when they’re over and usually stays in the room. She was in the shower before they came over, so she came out in a towel looking for her phone, which was charging under our tv stand. Without question, she grabbed her phone, exposing under her towel briefly. We didn’t say anything and quickly moved on, but you could tell everyone was a bit shocked.

I told her if she sees me out there with my friends she shouldn’t ever come out in a towel, let alone bend over in one. She said it’s not a big deal and who cares if they saw? I do. I know it was just a few quick seconds and she says didn’t think about it, but now it’s super awkward between us all. My mates joked about it in our group chat later, saying they owe me one. She’s very upset with me because I don’t understand how she just didn’t think about it first, put something on, then grab your phone?

My ex and I have been together for 3 years now. I recently got a great job opportunity that will help a great deal financially. When I got the job offer, I showed her the letter of employment and my salary. Her first words to me was” so are you going to pay 100% of the rent? She never congratulated me… I saw that as a red flag, and ended things two days later.

We were going 50/50 on rent and I was playing 100% on groceries before I left.

Am I wrong for breaking up with her?

Last post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/xBAQO56R2O

I want to thank everyone who gave me advice and support throughout this time.

I tried to follow everyone’s advice and refuse to meet him and his brother. I broke up with him over the phone. But he wouldn’t accept the break up until we met in person.

I agreed to meet them in a public park by my house. Before anyone comes for me the park is usually full of people at all times during the day.

They bring his brother's girlfriend who is trying to convince me that this is just a way to express love as a family. And how I’m just viewing it as sexual but it’s deeper than that. She was very adamant that she isn’t forced to sleep with the family.

Steve kept trying to convince me that everything was normal so we argued a little and I broke up with him again. He refused to take the break up and told me we are still together. He was grabbing me so tightly it hurt, his brother had to force him away from me.

I was able to leave and went home and packed some stuff to stay away from home as they know where I live. I had been staying at different hotels these past couple of weeks and it has been stressful.

I was getting really overwhelmed and scared so I took advice and reached out to one of my friends. She has literally been a godsend. She had been nothing but supportive and kind. I’m ashamed that I was so embarrassed to ask my friends for help.

I always thought that I had no one but myself. The only good thing from this situation is that it has opened my eyes to really see the people around me and how much they care and how many people I really took for granted.

I am currently staying with my friend and her husband. They are both trying their best to help and keep my ex away from me.

I know that I was dumb for trying to work it out but I was really under the assumption that he was being forced into it and would be willing to leave them behind. I mean obviously I didn’t even know him really.

Now they are posting things about me on social media and people are saying horrible things about me. They continue to find ways to message me and threaten me. I don’t know why they won’t just leave me alone.

I’ve reported everything, trying to at least get a restraining order or something to keep him away from me. I’m stuck because I can’t do anything unless he hurts me physically.

So I’m sorry if this isn’t the update you wanted but it’s all I have. Yes I’m alive, I’ve broken up with him as much as I can, and now I'm forced to just wait to see if he leaves me alone or finally hurts me.

I’m as safe as I can be at the moment and I guess that will have to be enough for right now.

Thank you again for everyone that reached out with advice even if some of it was mean, I needed to hear it.

Hello everyone.

I have a some small updates and won't have any updates for a while.

So my half-sister came over Sunday and talked to my dad. Basically she made the decision to have the wedding without her extended family, and pay for the half of the wedding by herself and her fiance. She sort of figured that her mom would pull her money out for making that decision. Dad seems to be much happier about it. I saw her crying a alot and my dad hugging her. Not sure on what happened exactly, but I am guessing she apologized and he accepted it.

She stayed with us during the weekend, and her mom came by. Mom and Dad wouldn't let her in, so my half-sister and her mother talked outside for a bit. I guess it started off well, but then I heard shouting from outside, so when I came down stairs, both of them were screaming at each other. My Dad calmly walked out and told my half-sister to go on in. He talked to her calmly while she went back and forth from screaming and crying.

Then a car came by, and a man stepped out. He walked towards my dad and held out his hand, but Dad didn't take it. He sort of looked like my dad, but shorter and with longer hair, so I guessed that he was my uncle. He tried to talk to my Dad, but my Dad pretty much ignored him. I went to my brothers and told them what was happening, and they immediately walked down and outside. They told me to stay inside, so I continued to stare out the window.

My brothers just stood on the balcony. The new man said hi to them, but they didn't respond. Anyway, my dad spoke a bit with his ex wife for a while and came back inside with my brothers. His ex-wife was glaring at my dad for a bit before going back to her car with the guy. When my brothers sat down, I asked if that was my uncle, and the oldest one nodded. Apparently my two older brothers met my uncle purely by accident before.

Things were smooth that night. My half-sister's fiance came by, and we all had a nice dinner. My mom and my sisters went away to plan the wedding since her mother is not joining in anymore. My brothers, my dad, me, and the fiance just talked about stuff until we heard lots of honking right outside. We went to check it out, and my uncle was back with my dad's ex wife.

My dad told my mom to call the cops while he tried to handle the situation. My brothers, my dad, and my half sister's fiance went out. There was some yelling and screaming, but then the cops came and they went away. So for the time being, my half sister will be staying with us.

I thought all was done until I got a text from my dad's ex after school yesterday. She asked if I could help her with something. I just blocked her number, but she then texted me on another number. I'm pretty sure my parents and brothers would say block her again, but there is nothing stopping her from using new phone numbers to bug me. Not sure what I can help her with anyway.

I (35M) have been married to my wife (34F) for 10 years, and we have two kids (7F, 5M). Everything was great until my son developed a rare genetic condition that neither my wife nor I carry. It planted this seed of doubt in my mind because, for years, my wife stayed close friends with her ex-boyfriend, who she dated for four years before me. They’d grab coffee, text, and even went to events together. She always assured me it was innocent, but I couldn’t shake the feeling.

Recently, when this genetic issue popped up, I started thinking back to all those times she said, “He’s like family to me,” and I let my paranoia get the best of me. I took secret paternity tests on both our kids, convinced that there might be more to the story. Both tests came back positive—they’re mine. I should have felt relieved, but my wife somehow found out about the tests. She confronted me, and now she’s devastated, saying I’ve destroyed her trust, especially since she’d been nothing but faithful.

She’s furious, claiming I never really trusted her all these years, and now she doesn’t know if she can stay with someone who had so much doubt in her loyalty. Our marriage is hanging by a thread. I thought I was just being cautious because of her close relationship with her ex, but now I’m wondering if I went too far.

AITAH?

I (25F) have been engaged to my fiancé (28M) for about a month now. He’s honestly amazing! He's kind, thoughtful, successful, and way out of my league. I love him so much, but lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m not the right person for him, and maybe my sister Tara (27F) would be better for him.

Tara is everything I’m not. She’s beautiful, smart, outgoing, and honestly, the type of woman that turns heads wherever she goes. She’s always been the favorite in our family, my parents adore her, and she’s always making them proud. Ever since my fiancé came into the picture, it’s like my family has started hinting that they think he’d be happier with her.

When I first introduced him to my family, they couldn’t stop talking about how perfect he is. At first, I thought it was just normal family excitement, but it’s gotten kind of weird. My mom constantly makes comments like, “Tara and your fiancé just have so much in common,” and my dad has said things like, “It’s a shame Tara didn’t meet someone like him sooner. They’d make a power couple.”

At family gatherings, Tara and my fiancé seem to get along really well, and everyone keeps pointing it out. My aunt actually said, “If your sister ever decides she’s ready for a serious relationship, she’d be lucky to find a guy like him,” while staring directly at them as they talked. I laughed it off because what else could I do? I know Tara is incredible, and honestly, I’m just not sure I’m the right person for him.

Tara’s also been spending a lot of time with him, and my family keeps encouraging it. She’ll ask him to help with things like fixing her computer or moving furniture, and when I offer to come, she says, “No, it’s fine, I just need him for a quick favor.” They have been speding time at the gym and attend similar events due to having similar jobs. My mom always says how nice it is that they’re bonding, and my dad once joked, “Maybe you’re just holding him back, sweetheart. Tara’s more on his level.”

I know they mean well, but it’s really starting to mess with my head. My fiancé loves me, I know he does, but I can’t help but think that maybe he’d be happier with someone like Tara. They’re both so similar, and I feel like I’m just not good enough. I’m not as confident or outgoing as her, and I think my family sees that too.

At our last family dinner, Tara made a comment about how my fiancé is “the perfect guy” and how any woman would be lucky to have him. My dad actually laughed and said, “Well, there’s still time for that,” which made everyone awkwardly laugh, even my fiance. I felt sick.

I’ve been thinking…maybe it would be better for everyone if I just stepped aside. I don’t want to hold him back from being with someone who’s actually his equal. My family already seems to think they’re better suited for each other, and honestly, I feel like I’m the odd one out in my own relationship. I love him so much, but what if he's just settling for me? WIBTA for breaking up with him to make everybody else happy? I'm not asking about me and my feelings, I'm asking if it would be cruel to my fiance.

So, this is a very long story that I'll try and set up as best I can.

I've been fully estranged from my adoptive parents for about 15 years with very minimal communication and interactions over that time. My dad was an absent parent since he lost his good job and became a chain-smoking, alcoholic when I was around 7 (I'm 43 now, so it's been a while.) We grew up poor, had to live in a motel and crash at a friend's house one summer since we got kicked out of our rental. I always had a roof over my head and food, but that was about it. It helped me become very independent, self-sufficient and I learned how not to be a dad. I have my own family now with four boys and a good career.

My parents only met our oldest son when he was 18 months, and never met any of our other boys. My dad never cared about me or his grandsons. When we still lived closer to my parents, my mom wanted to be involved and I offered to drive and pick her up so she could see her grandkids, but she always said no because she didn't want to deal with more verbal and mental abuse from my dad. After trying for so long to have some kind of relationship, I gave up since they didn't try or do anything.

To give you a little more context, my dad also said at our wedding reception that our marriage wouldn't last (we've been married 19 years now.) He was a real asshole and treated everyone like crap. I've found out that he borrowed money from almost everyone in our family and never paid it back and also spent all of my money that I was given for gifts and saved when I was little. He was a pitiful, selfish asshole that nobody was sad or grieved when he passed, even my mom didn't cry much because she was tired of his shit.

To get to the real story now, I had booked a plane ticket to go say goodbye to my dad and help my mom clean up the house and get some things in order. My dad died six days before my flight, and I wasn't sad and kind of relieved I didn't see him one more time since my mom said he was being rude and mean to everyone. I was there for three days and helped my mom clean out about half of the old crap that was in the house other than her stuff that she needed to go through before she moves.

To help a little more, I paid a month of her utilities, paid a few outstanding medical bills, paid for a year of a new cell phone for her, changed her car insurance to save a bunch of money, gave her some cash, made the donation to the church at the sad funeral mass of just her and I (again I say nobody was sad, there's still not a single comment on his obituary.) I also took her to the store and bought her some basic necessities. All in all, between my travel costs and how much I covered for her, I spent about $1,500. Not a ton of money, but definitely not chump change. My best way to help her was to help her with some energy and muscle to clean out a bunch of crap that would have taken her forever.

Before leaving I told my mom multiple times "I cannot support you and can't be asked for money all the time." I thought I did enough to give her a buffer for little bit. Imagine my shock when just over a week after I get home, she calls me and says, "I need a favor, can you pay my rent this month? It's only $950." I replied, "What did I tell you last week? I can't support you and pay your bills all the time." I found out that my cousin who has been helping my mom (they are only 6 years apart in age and have been like sisters) told her to ask me because my mom donated my dad's body for research, so we didn't have to pay for his cremation that I said I would have paid for. My cousin assumed that since I have a decent job and didn't have to pay for the cremation that I would pay for the rent even though I already paid for those other bills and said that was it.

Everyone I have talked to has said that it was crazy that they asked me so quickly for more money after all the other things I did for a mom I have been estranged from for 15 years and hasn't been involved in her grandkid's life or my life as their only child. AITAH?

Edit: you really don't need to DM me, that you hope my husband cheats on me again and that I am a spinless idiot and all of that. I know I am not. I am just going to delete doese DMs and not look at them. Save your breath.

Also, just to clarify: what bothered me was not the snooping in itself. That is something that I could have talked through with her.

It's the divulging some very person al traumatic stuff. I am talking about one of the worst things that can happen to a young boy. Making fun of it and not listening to me when I told her that I knew and we worked through it. It's the fake outrage that is just hurting me and not helping.

10 years ago, when my then-fiancé (now husband) and I were 22 and 23, he actually cheated on me. He had an emotional affair with a fellow student. When he admitted to it, I was devastated, and we separated for a while. During that time, I had an amazing therapist who helped me through the whole thing. I had been in therapy for a while, and she suggested I bring my partner into some sessions. The reason was simple: if we decided to stay together, it would help us work through it, and if I decided to end things, it would help me come to peace with it and not obsess over it.

Honestly, the sessions were incredible. If any of you are in a similar situation, I highly recommend doing what I did—especially if you have a therapist who’s unbiased and can really help you understand complex emotions and situations.

About three sessions in, we discovered that both of us were more complicated than we had realized. There was something deeply broken in my partner that he didn’t even know about at the time. I won’t say too much about it, but we uncovered the root cause of his behavior, which involved trauma from his past. He started therapy himself, and my therapist referred us to a couples counselor. We went through a lot of therapy. At one point, our individual sessions weren’t even about our relationship anymore, but about ourselves. We stayed separated during this time. Luckily, we had space—we lived in a rented house where we each had our own room.

We built the relationship back up from zero—honestly, less than zero. I wanted to do that because I loved him deeply, and I believed it was worth the effort. I came out of that time a more fulfilled person. I saw that our relationship had been suffering from certain things, and I also learned that some of those issues were due to my own unresolved trauma as well. I didn’t realize how much I had buried my emotions from my childhood until therapy helped me see it. And through it all, my partner stood by me.

It’s been 10 years since all that happened, and we’re very happy now. We’ve moved from a rented house to owning an apartment, and we have two amazing cats and a tiny, socially anxious dog.

One important thing is that I never told my family about his affair. I’ve never felt comfortable with them. They use everything against you, even positive things, and spin it to make you feel terrible. Plus, I didn’t know where I stood when it first happened. I didn’t want anyone influencing my decision—my siblings are the type who say cheaters deserve to be punished, and my parents are the kind who think cheating is just something men do. I wanted to make my own choice.

So here’s what happened recently. My sister lost her job and decided to move to my city. She stayed with us for a month while going to job interviews and apartment viewings. During this time, my husband and I decided to take a short vacation, and my sister offered to look after the pets and the apartment while we were gone.

We came back last week, and my sister was sitting at the kitchen table with a stack of printed papers. The moment we walked in, she threw water in my husband’s face and started screaming at him. I managed to calm her down and asked her what the hell was going on. She told me she found out about his affair and showed me "proof." It was indeed proof—of his affair from 10 years ago. She had somehow found his old therapy notes, written diary-style, from right after the affair happened. He had already shown them to me years ago, so I knew exactly what they said.

I explained to her that this was all old news, that we had worked through it, and that we were in a good place. But she wouldn’t accept that I had forgiven him. She kept yelling at him, calling him a “disgusting liar,” among other insults. Then she crossed a line—she started mocking his past trauma, the same trauma we had uncovered during therapy. These were two very serious incidents from his childhood and young adult life, and she told him he deserved everything that had happened to him and more.

That was the last straw. I was absolutely furious, not only because she violated his privacy by reading his therapy notes but because she mocked his trauma so cruelly. On top of that, she told the entire family about both his affair and his trauma, which was a deeply personal issue that she had no right to share. Now, my whole family knows, and they’ve been harassing me non-stop.

I told my sister she had crossed a huge boundary, and that I needed space from her. I asked her to leave, and now my family is upset with me, saying I’m overreacting and that she was just looking out for me. But from my perspective, she had no right to interfere in something that happened 10 years ago, that we had already resolved. Plus, the way she ridiculed my husband’s trauma was beyond cruel.

So, am I the asshole for cutting her off after she called out my husband for cheating, mocked his trauma, and told our family about everything?

I 28F though i had the perfect relationship with my boyfriend sam 30M . we've been together for four yeaars and up until recently, i felt like we were the couple that everyone envied. deeply in love and supportive, and planning a future together. we talked about marriage, kids, the whole thing. i honestly thought he was the one. About six months ago, sam started spirally emotionally. he lost his job unexpectedly, and it hit him really hard. he became withdrawn, moody and stopped taking care of himself. At first, i tried to be there for him as much as possible. i figured it was just a phase and once he got back to his feet things would return to normal. i encouraged him to talk to someone, therapist, counsellor, anyone at all but he refused, saying he just needed time to figure tings out on his own. As the months dragged on,his behaviour got worse. he stopped taking showers regularly, barely left the apartment, and became obsessive about his phone. he would spend ours on it, locking himself in the bathroom or turning his screen away anytime i was near him. when i asked him about it , he'd say its just a distraction or he was looking for jobs . i tried to give him space but deep down i knew something wasn't right. A few after that, he hit rock bottom. i came home from work and found him passed out, surrounded by empty beer cans. The apartment was a mess, and he hadnt eaten or moved for hours. That's when i noticed his phone had fallen between the cushions. something in me snapped. i couldn't take the secrecy anymore so i picked up the phone and unlocked it. Whar i found shattered me. Sam had been living a double life. Not only was he constantly talking to other women, he was deep into violent explicit sexual content. he had graphic, disgusting conversations including violent fantasies, with random strangers online. his social media was filled with degrading sexual materials, some of it involving extreme and abusive acts. it wasn't just that he had been emotionally cheating but he was also deeply invested in tis disturbing content.. he even shared his own pictures and videos, sometimes while i was in the same room thinking he was just scrolling. I confronted him immediately. he didn't deny it but started crying, saying he was lost after loosing his job and that this stuff gave him a sense of control. he begged me to stay saying he needed my help to stop. But the sheer level of betrayal and the sickening things i saw made it impossible for me to even look at him. Now some mutual friends think i'm heartless for leaving him during his darkest moment. They say he's mentally unwell and need support . But i feel like iv'e been lied to and disrespected in the most horrific way possible . So AITAH for leaving him when he clearly needed help. even after findng out the disgusting truth?

Ok so I (34F) have a brother, Mike (35), and he's married to Sarah (33). We've always had a decent relationship, nothing super close but nothing bad either. Mike and I talk every so often, mostly holidays and family events, but Sarah and I don't really chat much unless it's through the family group text.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago, Sarah called me out of the blue. At first, I thought it was just a friendly check-in or whatever, but then she asked me for $5,000. Yeah, $5k. I was kinda shocked, to be honest, because we don’t really talk that much and she didn’t even explain what it was for right away. So naturally, I asked if Mike knew about this, and she immediately said no and that she didn’t want him to find out. She said she was trying to handle the situation herself and didn’t want to stress him out.

Now, I don’t know about you guys, but that felt super weird to me. Like, if it's serious enough that you need to borrow 5 grand, shouldn’t your husband know? I told her I needed some time to think about it because, honestly, I wasn’t comfortable with it from the get-go.

After a few days of thinking it over, I called her back and told her that I didn’t feel right lending her that much money without Mike knowing. I wasn’t trying to be difficult or anything, but it just didn’t sit well with me. I even offered to help her in other ways – like giving her a smaller amount or helping her find other solutions. But she got so mad at me. She started saying stuff like, “I thought I could trust you,” and “I really needed this, and now you’ve made things worse.” She accused me of not supporting her and promised she would’ve paid me back, no problem.

Now she’s been acting all distant. She’s not answering my messages, and in the family group chat, she’s been kinda passive-aggressive. Like she’ll make little comments here and there that feel like they’re directed at me. Mike hasn’t mentioned anything about money, so I’m guessing she still hasn’t told him, and that makes me feel even worse.

I feel bad because I don’t wanna cause any drama, but I also feel like I did the right thing by not going behind my brother's back. But now things are awkward and tense, and I’m starting to wonder if I should’ve just helped her out and kept quiet.

AITA for saying no to her and not wanting to hide this from my brother?

I dont know how to feel at the moment, for some background i 29F have always had a complicated relationship with my younger sister 24F. Shes always been the golden child in my family and ive always had to work to get any attention or even recognition. A few months ago, i let her move into my house temporarily because she was having some financial problems. we weren't close, but that felt like the right thing to do, Things were fine for a while, but last week everything fell apart. We were having dinner, and completely out of nowhere, she tells me my dad isn't actually my biological father. she said my mom had an affair and i've living a lie my whole life, i felt like i had been hit by a truck, too shocked to speak or even react, my world came crashing down right in front of me. I confronted my mom and she didn't deny it. turns out my sister had been aware for over 4years and never whispered a word about it to me. she dropped this bomb on me casually and then tried to act like it wasn't a big deal and i was overreacting when i got upset with her and our mom. i had a full blown identity crises, i felt like i didn't know who i was anymore. in the heat of the moment, i asked her to pack her things and leave my house, couldn't stand to look at her talklss of continue to live with her knowing she kept this from me for so long and then chose to reveal it like that. Despite it all, my family is still blaming me for overreacting, saying im being very unreasonable and acting like a child, saying i shouldn't have kicked her out because she didn't mean to hurt me and was only trying to be honest. However, i cant shake the feeling of anger and betrayal i feel at all. I dont even know how to move forward from thsi situation, nobody is being apologetic or even taking my side at all. AITAH for kicking her out and cutting her off after everything she's done?

I (40M) have been married to my wife, Sarah (38F), for 8 years, and her parents have always been a big part of our lives. They’re nice people, but spending time with them in large doses can be exhausting for me. Every year, Sarah’s family plans a week-long vacation, and this year she wants me to join them again. I told her I’m refusing to go because I need a break from these family trips.

Sarah was really upset, saying that it’s important to her that we go as a family and spend time together. I understand that, but I’ve been on several of these trips, and they always end up being stressful for me. I just want to have a vacation where I can relax, not feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her parents.

Now, Sarah is accusing me of being selfish and refusing to make an effort with her family. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also don’t want to spend another week in a situation that makes me miserable.

Am I the asshole for telling my wife I’m refusing to go on a family vacation with her parents?

31F. I'm married to a man named Ryan (33M) and am seven months pregnant with our first.

I have an older sister named Hailey (33F) who I love, but it's clear she has a lot of resentment towards me. She had bulimia for around ten years (mid-teens to early twenties) and has gone to two inpatient programs. I'm naturally very small and skinny. I'm 5'1 and struggle to keep my weight above 100 pounds. I've never had an eating disorder, but people are constantly commenting about how small I am and assume I do. It was a huge source of insecurity for many years.

Hailey is a few inches taller than me and has curves (i.e. boobs and butt) but has never been overweight. Still, since she's was young, she's complained about her body. She's told me that my own skinny frame and people always complimenting me has played a major role in her developing bulimia. I understand how that could be hard for an older sister if she's struggling with her own body image, but also, it isn't my fault my body looks the way it does? Also, there have been times I've envied her figure (I have no boobs), but would never make her feel badly about it. Our grandma also told me repeatedly when we were kids that my sister is the "beauty of the family" and while it hurt at the time, I never lashed out at her. I kind of walk on eggshells around her, so I usually just take it when she tells me how me being so skinny caused her eating disorder.

Over the weekend, Hailey and I got dinner with our husbands. Once of the first things Hailey asked me is how pregnancy is going, and if I'm struggling with my body changing. I told her I'm not, because I'm so happy to be pregnant and excited that the baby is growing. Hailey got annoyed, and said how hard it was when she was pregnant with her son. She then said I wouldn't understand because I've been skinny all my life and haven't had to deal with a world that judges you for gaining weight.

This really set me off, and I told her that I've struggled with other things, such as having to explain to people that I don't have an eating disorder and feeling insecure about the fact I have a small chest. Hailey rolled her eyes and said "skinny girl problems." I said that I've had my struggles, even if they're not the same as hers, and she doesn't need to dismiss them. She then said it's hard to hear me complain about my body when she developed an eating disorder from everyone complimenting my figure and commenting on how tiny I am. I snapped, and said it's not my fault she had an eating disorder, and it's not fair she's taking it out on me.

This ended with Hailey and her husband storming out. I haven't heard from her since. Ryan thinks she was being unfair, but says it couldn't hurt to call and have a conversation now that things have cooled down. I don't want to because I don't think she's capable of having a reasonable conversation about this, and I have enough stress with a new baby coming. AITAH?

My son (12) is one of those kids who will tell you about yourself and call you out in a second. But he will also call himself out if he knows or even thinks he is in the wrong. With that being said, I dont see where my son did anything wrong here. That's why I'm asking for an outside opinion because his dad and I are at a disagreement over it.

I took my son to Walmart to buy a game for his switch that he saved up for. I also needed some things as well. We go to the front of the store to pay for my items as he paid for his in electronics. Anyway there was a young woman there she looked to be early 20s. She was wearing a shorter skirt about mid thigh length on her. Well apparently these two older ladies behind me decided to loudly proclaim how this woman was probably loose and slutty because only a slut would wear a skirt that short. Of course the young woman looked uncomfortable so of course they asked me what I thought. Before I could get a word in my son looks at them and says "they sell mind your own damn business and not be judgy jerkface on the same aisle Bible are sold on".

Of course these ladies decided to inform me that my son was disrespecting them. My son then told them they shouldn't expect respect when they disrespect others. I told them I agree with my son. We then left.

When I told my ex he said that I should have made our son apologize for disrespecting his elders and I said no. I truly believe my son was in the right here, I told my son he was in the right because he stood up for someone else who was being bullied by strangers in a Walmart. So reddit aita and my ex is right or are me and my son right?

I recently attended the wedding of my best friend, “Sarah.” We’ve been close since primary school. Sadly, Sarah has always dealt with being the “unfavored” child, with her parents giving most of their attention to her older brother, “Dan,” who’s five years older. They weren’t openly cruel to her, but it was pretty clear that she was often left to fend for herself. There was even one time when they left her home alone with her 90-something great aunt while they went on a family vacation to Europe because, apparently, school was too important for her to miss…

Anyway, I digress. Fortunately, my family welcomed her with open arms, and she’s been like an official, unofficial adopted sister ever since.

When Sarah’s boyfriend proposed, we were all thrilled. She finally seemed to be getting the happy ending she deserved. She and her fiancé wanted a small, intimate wedding with just a few close friends. But when her mum found out she was engaged, she insisted they go all out. I tried to encourage Sarah to keep things simple, but her parents offered to pay for 90% of the wedding—on the condition that they could invite their own guests. Little did we know, that meant about 200 people.

Sarah’s mum pretty much took over the wedding planning, and at the time, Sarah didn’t seem to mind. I think she saw it as her parents finally paying attention to her, so she went along with it.

Fast forward to the wedding day—Sarah looked stunning, and the ceremony was beautiful, even though it was way bigger than she originally wanted. After the ceremony, the bridesmaids and I were relaxing while the newlyweds were off taking photos. That’s when one of the bridesmaids, “Anna,” casually mentioned that she heard Dan was planning to propose to his girlfriend at the reception. I was floored. I knew Sarah would be devastated if her special day was overshadowed like that.

I didn’t want to upset Sarah, so I went to her mum to ask if she knew about Dan’s plan. Her response floored me. She said something like, “How did you find out?” and followed it up with, “What do you think we spent all this money for?” I was livid. This wasn’t about Sarah at all—it was all for their “golden child,” Dan. I told her Sarah would be heartbroken and that she should stop it from happening, but it was clear she had no intention of doing that.

Now, this is where I might be the AH. I decided I wasn’t going to let these people ruin my best friend’s special day. I went straight to Dan’s girlfriend and told her that he was planning to propose that night. I might have been a little intense, but I told her that if she didn’t want things to turn ugly, she should leave. To my surprise, she was very apologetic and left right away.

I’ll admit, I found it a little amusing when Dan started frantically looking for his girlfriend later in the evening. He had no idea where she went, and it threw off his entire plan. I later found out from the MC that Dan had even arranged a special song and speech for their proposal. So, I guess I saved the day in more ways than one.

Later on, Sarah’s mum confronted me, furious that I had “ruined” her son’s life. She yelled at me for quite a while, but honestly, I don’t remember most of what she said. The way I see it, I was just protecting Sarah’s moment. And if I had to, I’d do it again.

So, Reddit, AITAH?

My husband, Ben (36M), recently brought up the idea of his parents moving in with us after his dad’s surgery. His father is going to need a few months of recovery, and Ben thinks it would be easier if they stayed at our place. While I (33F) understand that family is important, the idea of having his parents live with us long-term makes me very uncomfortable.

We’ve only been married for two years, and we’re still adjusting to married life. I value our privacy, and I don’t want the added pressure of being caretakers for his parents. When I told Ben that I wasn’t comfortable with them moving in, he got upset. He accused me of being selfish and not caring about his family’s well-being.

Now, he’s barely speaking to me, and I feel guilty for not being more accommodating. But at the same time, I think it’s reasonable to want our home to stay just that—our home. AITA?

My neighbor "Betty" (F58) doesn't have internet. She came over after her husband started cooking for a potluck they were having. She currently is one handed due to recent surgery. Her husband "Bob" (60) has cooked for the two of them on occasion. He told her that after he came in from cleaning the dog messes outside that he would put together a salad and then have her talk him through the dessert she planned on. He came in and without washing up started getting the salad ingredients prepared. She asked if he washed his hands. He said he wiped off on his shirt. He then said he never washed before cooking for her and never really did when had his own place. She told him before going on to wash his hands and the produce he just touched. He said he wasn't a kid and kept on. She told him she was not serving guests that or not even eating stuff if he doesn't wash his hands. She would order delivery to bring a salad and dessert before guests come. She came over to do that and to vent. She asked if she was wrong to do that because she didn't want to risk people getting sick. I said that I would tell my husband the same thing if he did that. In fact sometimes I remind him and he does. I told her I would post it here to see if others agree.

All fake names. My husband Keith and I have been friends with Cindy, John, Travis and Janelle for going on 12 years now. We have 5 kids (16, 14, 12yo twins, 9). Cindy and John have 2 girls, 9 and 5. Travis and Janelle have 6 kids, ranging from 10 months to 16. So typically all summer long everyone is here with all of the kids every weekend and sometimes weeks at a time, since my husband and I own a private lake front property. It's always a pleasure.

But this year our 14yo daughter had her friend "Hannah" over quite a bit. Hannah is misguided. Her parents are addicts. She doesn't know how to do much for herself. Doesn't pick up on social cues. Dresses.. not so appealing for a 14yo. But she's a delight. She's fun. She's respectful. She calls me mom. And honestly, my daughter has come out of her shell drastically since Hannah has been around and I will take that as a win because my daughter has been bullied severely in the past and was on the verge of self ending. Hannah pulled her out of it. So yes, I'm very protective of this girl. I love her as if she was my own child.

Well, this past weekend everyone was here, including Hannah. We had a bonfire going and the girls had music on and they were dancing and acting like teenagers and I thought everyone was having a good time. But my daughter approached me around 8pm, stating that Hannah was crying and wanted to go home. I asked why and she told me to go ask Hannah. Anywho, I find her, she's hysterical. She tells me that Cindy told her that she had been here long enough and that she needed to go home because her husband (John) was uncomfortable with the way she was dressed, given how she was dancing, and didn't want their daughters around her. So because John was 'uncomfortable' Hannah needed to go home. And to top it off, the other adults apparently agreed with Cindy and started ALL telling Hannah how inappropriate she was. So, everyone there ganged up on her the moment me and my husband walked away. I lost my shit entirely. I go to my yard and tell everyone to pack their shit and move on and they weren't welcome back here. Everyone was caught off guard and when I snapped and told them to not act stupid and mentioned Hannah, John stepped in and tried pulling the "you have to understand where I'm coming from, I'm a grown ass man and I don't need some half dressed teenager trying to dance on me and I certainly don't need my daughters thinking that's okay." (Turns out Hannah was 5 feet away but she was dancing and asking people to dance with her). I held my ground and told everyone to leave. Half their kids were already asleep in tents, so they begged me to just let them stay until morning, as most of them had over an hour drive. I said absolutely fucking not. Pack all of your shit and go. They eventually did. My husband thinks I may have been too quick to the pounce here, though he agrees they were wrong about Hannah. I don't think I was though. AITA?

AITA for not caring about my ex-husband's feelings at my daughter's wedding? My divorce was finalized two years before my middle daughter got married. My ex-husband already had a new girlfriend lined up and the day the judge signed the divorce papers, he asked the girls if they were okay with him dating again. Mind you, he moved to another state and the girls wouldn't have even known he was dating. He invited the girls to his new place for a weekend and when they got there, his new girlfriend was there. My daughters were uncomfortable and upset that he had not intended to spend any time with them without his new girlfriend in attendance. After that, he began to distance himself from our three daughters and soon started a new family. He was remarried within 8 months and the first child was born the following year. I made sure to maintain a good relationship with the girls as much as I could. They were all grown and either living on their own, or in college. When one of my daughters told me that she was getting married and wanted me (and not her father) to walk her down the aisle, I was overjoyed. I was in the moment, and did not care at all how this would affect her father. He chose to not help her out with the wedding at all, and then told her that his buying a plane ticket to be at the wedding was her wedding gift. At the wedding he and his new family were sat at the far end of the first row of seats (I had the first seat) and their table was mixed in with the other guests (my table was right next to the head table). After I walked my daughter down the aisle, I looked at him and smiled as big as I could. I know it bothered him that she chose me and not him. As long as my daughter was happy on her special day, nothing else matters. I'm interested to know if IATA. I am also interested to know how dad's might feel if their ex-wives were chosen over them to walk their daughter down the aisle. TIA.

3 years ago, my wife cheated on me on a one night stand with some random stranger at a bar. What happened really hurt me a lot but I chose to forgive her because she was really remorseful, and took every possible step to reconciliation. I also recognized there were difficulties in our marriage and I wasn’t without fault. My wife did tell me during reconciliation that she would immediately forgive me if I chose to step out of the marriage, but I told her that was out of the question.

It’s been 3 years, and our marriage is going good. However, my childhood best friend passed away last month, which really shocked me, and I struggled with it a lot and couldn't come to terms with it. He also has a sister who I am close with, and it was obviously very tough for her too. We did date for a month in college but I couldn’t do it and called it off because even though she was really pretty and nice, I always considered her more like my own sister.

A week after the funeral, she invited me over to her house for drinks and dinner. I was unsure about it, but I did go to her house. We both cooked our favorite meals, where she cooked the entree, and I cooked the main course and the desert, and we were just talking about life and her brother. It was really emotional and she was crying a lot. She shared with me some of the love letters she had written for me back in high school, where she really wanted to date me, but I didn’t because I considered best friend’s sisters as off limits. 

We then watched Netflix and we were just cuddling on the couch. I don’t know how it happened, but she started kissing me, and we had a really intense make out session which lasted for a few hours. We were both exhausted after that, and we just slept on the couch.

The next day, I did feel guilty, but I was also relieved because we did not have sex and I did not cross that boundary. I told my wife about everything that happened, and she broke down in tears, but she said it was what she deserved for what she did 3 years ago.

Was I the AH?