Same, I was like how is this limiting her future any more than the stick she found that looked like a gun and so she stopped doing homework to run around with a stick. I found this really cool stick one time when I was younger and thought my friend would enjoy it, so i walked over to his house but my mom ended up driving by while I was walking and had pizza in the car, so I hid the stick somewhere, and never found it. But while I was looking, I did end up noticing a brick in my neighbor's house was loose, so I rang on their doorbell but they never answered, so that's how I got the brick, it was a pretty cool brick, a sort of terracotta feel to it, which made me think about how the terracotta army is like 5000 years old, they buried it and it wasn't found for like 4800 years, so I think someone will find that stick eventually, probably less than 4800 years, but they'll probably think it was a pretty cool stick too.
Bruh, this is me too. Every time I try to tell a story, I wind up going on off on several tangents, and a story that should've taken like 5 minutes to tell ends up going on for 45 minutes 😂
I always feel like I'm telling the story backwards, because I start and realize that they might need context or backstory to fully enjoy what I'm about to talk about, but then the backstory needs context so I explain all the things that will make what I was going to say make sense, but then I realize I'm giving way too much detail, panic because they're surely getting board waiting for me to get to the point and I end up saying nevermind.
YES! And I also end up saying “where was I going with this?” multiple times during the storytelling. People say that they love hearing me tell stories, but I think they must be lying. I mean, I think my stories are fascinating, but they can’t possibly be as interesting to other people as they are to me.
Dude, I'm 36, and I JUST found out that I have ADHD, I can never just tell a story. I have to tell all 18 background and side stories that no one cares about 🫠
65 here and relate so well to this story. It’s how I think and find solutions to complex problems. Thread may have given me the diagnosis that didn’t exist when I was in school.
Everytime me and my dad talk about stuff, we start with one topic, go to PCs for like 3 hours, then other stuff only after 6 hours of talking to get back to the original topic which was what to we want to eat lol
I drive my husband bonkers with this and you'd think he would be more understanding bc he also has ADHD but he presents so differently than me. I have to externalize and talk thru all the stuff in my brain. But his lips are constantly silently moving bc he is talking to himself and he will often start talking to me and forget that he had half of the conversation in his head before he brought me into it - that drives me nuts so I guess that makes us even lol.
One day my friend looked over at me and said, "You know what our problem is?? We digress." Touché. Tou-f#@$in'-ché. I ask my husband "Wait why was I talking about this?" like four times a week, easy. He jokes that we watch shows and movies "in installments" because I always pause them to tell some super important story I've forgotten about by the time I'm finally done talking. Bless his heart, though... Every time I apologize he just tells me that he loves to hear my voice, or he's always happy to know about anything that's important to me. He's a saint.
We started Wyatt Earp and the Cowboy War yesterday. Thirty seconds in I was like "They got the measurements of the OK Corral wrong," and he was like, here we go... He paused it and just turned so he was facing me instead of the TV with this expectant look on his face like he was settling in for a story and I was like, "Oh, that's all." Blew his f@$#in' mind.
That's because we adhd-ers have a decided lack of pruning when our brains are in the first stages of development. The neurons in our brains have quite literally more connections to each other. It's also why we're really good at connecting ideas & concepts that would never occur to the 'typicals. It's why we're good at problem solving & thinking out of the box, but suck at being concise.
(We have a much better underatanding of the neurology of it all now-it's why I hate the name."adhd". It's based on old theories about adhd that we now know are completely false. It's not my name, & I forget the creator's name-Connor DeWolf maybe?-who came up with it, but he proposed: Dopamine Attention Variability Executive disfunction. I'm cool with telling everyone I'm DAVE, but until then, I'm sticking with neuro[spicy/sparkly]. How's that for an inconcise tangeant)?
I always start in one place, change topics several times, never finish any of the stories I started telling in the process of telling the first story, then completely forget where I started and look like an idiot when everyone can literally see my gears stop turning the moment I realize I have no idea what I’m even talking about anymore 😂
Seriously how did I not notice that it went off topic and I sterted thinking I need to help find sticky !!! Has she made posters ??? Also we need a picture of the brick that sound like a friend
When you say something out loud, and you get the "Where the heck did that come from?" And you give a detailed description of how your brain bounced around 20 different topics to get to. "Did you know that eggplants contain nicotine, and the original varietal did look like an egg"
I didn't see anything wrong with it. Isn't that how everyone thinks? 😆
But in all seriousness I'm always surprised that I seem to be the only ADHDer that can't drive. I just get so overwhelmed by all the things I have to pay attention to if I go more than 30km/h or if there's more than 2 other cars in my periphery.
I went on a trip with friends last weekend, dudnt tske my meds. At dinner, I was telling them that i like to trybon jobs, new tiwn and such in my head. Like, would i like making terracotta floor tiles? Who designed the chandelier? I can upholster those benches. Ooh! baking!
They shook their heads, acknowledging they think im a weirdo but still love me.
I was like, this is why Im so tired and yet get nothing accomplished.
Sending this comment to my mother so she can understand better lol She's pretty good about giving me grace but this was too entertaining and informative a read to not share.
And this is why we read the comments on Reddit, kids. Sure, you do wind up reading through a shitton of mindless nonsense until you run up on a blind curve of a comment like this one right here, and it completely blows your frickin’ mind, and it’s like
Ka-pow‼️💣💥🌋
This is the best story, ever! I teach psychology courses and (with your permission) I'd lije to use this when I talk about what it is like to have ADHD (without your screen name).
This is exactly how I think, and I get so so confused when people say this is typical ADHD. Like although I’m probably a bit neurodivergent I can maintain concentration really well. Wonder what that means
And now I just forgot my smoothie and to put the dog outside because this cool story was more interesting to read whilst I went to my car. I’m also now sitting it with no keys (I left it unlocked because I was only ducking inside for ten minutes and it’s safe to do so here) 😂😂 I have my phone though and my front door is unlocked. So we cool.
This is such an ADHD comment!!! Love it. Give me 4 different topics and I'll chain them together just like this. ADHD debate class should've existed in high school
Meanwhile I'm worried about the house falling down without the brick and now I'm scared of stepping on the pointy end of the buried stick while replacing the brick and where did I put the oh that's a pretty flower
Buttplugpopsicle is in my opinion, undeniably the best username in existence. & I’d bet my only buttplug that actually is shaped like a popsicle you are a really rad person based on your username alone. Like totally flush it.
[Why do I see myself telling a story in a not dissimilar format, while my husband is standing there making the universal hand gesture for “GET ON WITH IT!!” and I get even more flustered and start to stutter and he gets even more annoyed.😑]
eloquently rewriting my life story just with different details but very similar in time lines used for that squirrel thought process.. i wonder, did that squirrel i found lying in the road and poked with a stick.. did his family every find him? did he get a propper funeral? do all squirrels go to heavan? is it the same as dog heavan? damn... that was like 19 years ago... is random vivid memory a layer of the adhd's?
Thank you for this. I got a good chuckle out of it. Most people have their own "squirrel" moments but you really did a wonderful job describing how someone with ADHD might think. You have helped me better understand what it is like. Again, I say thank you.
Is an unofficial symptom of ADHD liking cool rocks and sticks? I'm was similar, I'd pick up pretty rocks and add them to the Hoard™️. I also keep some packaging for crafts and stuff.
I used to use it as excuse, and everytime my parents heard they berated me for it.
I am very thankful for what they did, I am still spoiled, but thats out of love, not due to my ADHD. They have spoiled me so much that I now refuse to get money from them from time to time. (Dont work yet as I have to settle in at uni first, this is due to autism, not an excuse, my form of autism makes settling in very difficult, so I just need the time, want to be working by the new year). Also, 12 years of therapy for my autism really helped me a lot, used to care about everything, now I just dont. That is something I had to learn, just like being calm (lmao I aint calm right now just typing). And not getting locked in thinking something is impossible just cuz I forget to think simple.
What is your “form of autism” if you don’t mind me asking? I have Asbergers and I’m always interested and curious to talk to others who are on the spectrum and are higher functioning. I feel like it better helps me understand something’s about myself sometimes as well as realizing something’s are associated with my autism that I had not previously attributed to it.
Well, I have asperger, struggled hard socially during the first 14 years of my life, this was due too being strict to rules and shit. Therapy helped me loosen up, which made social life easier, I still lacj social skills but I now atleast am able to interact with society. I was lucky enough to be smart which meant that instead of spending time learning during the first 18 years of my life, I could spend that time learning to socialize. This in turn made me catch up a bit socially. As a result most people dont instantly notice my autism anymore, nor my ADHD (this get suppressed by meds). Some are even surprised (the first time that happened I almost cried out of happines, as it felt like I could and did become normal. (Yes I got bulloed for it when I was 8 so I thought I was weird, thank you idiots)
But no, autism aint weird, and after all the therapy I have had I can tell that way more people have it but go undiagnosed. There are more people with some form of undiagnosed autism than diagnosed.
(Once again, how did I end up here when all you asked was where I was on the spectrum.......).
Probably me not taking my ADHD Meds. Should use this for writing tasks in the future.
Enabled. The karma here us the AdHD used as an excuse means mom b dad will have her forever. Since she can't drive and can't work ... and can't pay back.
Casey needs to run before they enmesh her in financing Alana forever.
Right?? I have ADD and started working when I was 15, and did sports, and took AP classes, and did theater. If anything, being busy helps…. Good Lord this guy has such low expectations for Alana it’s insulting.
I think being 16 changes this a bit. Aside from the ADHD, I think the parents needed to establish what would happen in this scenario before the car sharing happened. She's young enough to be excused from looking ahead and thinking about that, but the parents should have known better to know this could happen with two teenage daughters. I don't think this is on Alana, though she should have to pay in something, I think the parents should take a portion on to represent their part in this.
"It explains it, but doesn't excuse it" There's a reason ADHD is up there with the eating disorders for shortening life expectancy. I inattentively pulled my handbrake at 40 the other day :)
I just wrote half a novel a few comments up, so I won't go into the whole story, but yeah. 2nd year PhD student when I was diagnosed. Hyperfocing is a wonderful thing!
Exactly!! I have severe ADHD and worked while I was in vet school and still graduated. This absolutely offends me. Alana isn't going to get anywhere if her parents keep coddling her like this.
I have ADHD and sure I've had over 30 jobs but at least I work and I'm not a burden to anyone. Also got my degree, sure it was a fucking nightmare but again, no one was burdened.
I got diagnosed with “severe” ADHD at age 7 and have had the diagnosis repeatedly reaffirmed over the last 24 years….and despite what the doctors indicated throughout my entire youth the symptoms of ADHD have not abated at all with age. I am literally floored by the push I see happening from “advocates” who want to see ADHD treated as if it’s a severe, horrible disability. It seems like over the last few years it’s really become a thing. I honestly dont mind having ADHD-I find there are plenty of things that I honestly kind of like about it. There are some things I can do easily that my “normal” friends struggle with…it’s hard to put it into words, but to me it’s almost like adhd removed the guardrails from my brain, and once I learned how to avoid driving off the road I found that the lack of guardrails opened up plenty of interesting possibilities. People will call me crazy but it’s almost like ADHD allows me to wrap my head around concepts that “normal” people might struggle with to some degree. Obviously it has made some things (schoolwork, sitting in one place for an extended time, etc etc) challenging, but it’s not like some nightmarish scenario, and I have long since figured out ways to mitigate the worst of it. Allowing a sixteen year old to use it as a one size fits all excuse to avoid having to work/pay for the damage she caused isn’t going to help anyone involved, in the short term or the long term.
TLDR for OP: If you reinforce anything in this situation to the younger daughter it should be that:
a) Having ADHD isn’t the end of the world and she can do anything she sets her mind to. It definitely doesn’t make her less capable of being awesome.
and
b) A key part of growing up and being a responsible young adult is learning that when you break something someone else paid for, it’s your responsibility to pay the cost of fixing or replacing whatever it is you broke.
It’s painfully ignorant (or maybe wilfully ignorant) of how ADHD works. I mean, there is no amount of extra free time after school you could have given me to increase my grades if I didn’t find the subject engaging, I would just use it to game or draw or write stories or read or literally anything that wasn’t a simultaneous equation, so why not use the time to learn how to join the inevitable workforce?
Same I have adhd, I’m married and have a son and provide for both. Is it hard? Do you have to learn how to problem solve and trick yourself to get things done and maybe get some medication etc. yes. But these are things she’s gonna need to figure out to function in society.
I have adhd and I babysat starting at 12 and have always worked since I was 16 through high school, college, and graduate school. In fact I think I had to work cause I was always restless
My husband had the same reaction when I read this to him. He has ADHD too, and he literally laughed out loud at the idea that someone with ADHD couldn't handle a part time job in addition to school.
K, congrats? Having a disability doesn’t mean you can’t accomplish anything. Just means you have more barriers than most to overcome. I only had 2 degrees before I got diagnosed, One after.
Try and get a prescription for dexamphetamine, my parents found it after years of searching, there is also a stronger variant. It works like a charm (I know the stronger version due to a friend having extreme ADHD, only forgot the name)
OR it is a handicap but still possible to survive and thrive. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging handicaps/disabilities. It’s only wrong when you use it as an excuse to be a shitty person.
Sometimes a job can even be helpful! I have ADHD and was not allowed to have a job until I graduated high school bc my grades were already struggling and my parents thought I’d do worse. I learned SO much when i finally got my first jobs, I felt like a freakin “human” for once in a way. I wish I’d gotten to try working while i was in high school, probably would’ve done me a world of good. It’s worth trying and If it were truly that detrimental, just quit, it wouldn’t be the end of the world 🤷🏻♀️
Right? I'm a single mom with adhd and put myself through nursing school and am now working in the field. I probably walk 10x the steps I would if I was neurotypical but my patients are safe, well cared for, and typically love me.
For you perhaps, and consider yourself fortunate with that. For my it has been a lifelong curse. I am unable to work and receive a disability benefit because of my adhd.
I feel like this happens a lot. The younger child with adhd, or another neuro divergent challenge, gets pampered like a baby and the older sibling has to do everything right and is blamed for everything. When the younger child does something wrong, they're protected. "They can't help it. Be nice. They've got adhd." I can tell you this much: when one of the parents falls away, chances are big that the younger sibling will start to blame everything on the older one, while shirking all responsibility themselves and play the victim for everything else.
It sure handicaps me. But then my driving record is immaculate. However, at 16, I should NOT have been put behind a wheel of a car and am grateful I wasn't.
Exactly ! Props to you. People use shit like this as a crutch rather than an obstacle in life to overcome and A LOT of parents these days facilitate this leaving their children mentally weaker for it.
Thank you for saying this, for being strong and not using victimhood as an excuse for when life is tough and doesn't go your way. I sincerely wish you all the best and I know, with your positive attitude, that it won't hold you back from achieving anything you want.
SAME!! It takes a LOT of self-discipline and mostly(for me anyway) consequences to achieve goals. Encouragement helps but is not always given. But for damn sure; excuses and coddling will almost(bc I have to say it)🙄 never help. Without consequences a person will do whatever they want. You may OR may not risk one daughter’s grades, but it seems to me, you are definitely risking a relationship. 2¢✌🏻
Hell yes! I agree and as someone who has ADHD as well I'll try not to take that personally as well. News flash: you CAN drive with ADHD! I have the disorder of clusterfuck brain disease, I mean, ADHD and consider myself a superb driver and have been able to maintain a clean driving record for the past 26 years! And most of my driving life was spent in Southern California where I'm from and it's a daunting task to maintain a clean record, especially in SoCal AKA the car capital of the world.
And I CAN drive both medicated and unmedicated. It's not hard.
Look, I struggle many times trying to manage my ADHD. And It is not a free pass for irresponsible behavior and choices. OP definitely swung and missed. And his radio silence in the comments, to me, shows that. That ADHD sister is the coddled golden-child who must be protected and avoid accountability at all costs.
This I how I feel every time I see a post with someone with a disgusting room or another horrible vice like not working and they say “I can’t because ADHD” and then I call them out and get downvoted and removed. It’s really annoying. Thanks for saying something.
Severe adhd can be debilitating my son has severe adhd and is unable to handle loud noises, groups of people, strangers , or any disruption to his routine. While some people can function well others can not
I would really enjoy a proper perspective on ADHD. I have tried to inform myself, but I don't fully understand it. Can you and others in this thread perhaps be kind enough to help a stranger learn about ADHD? I have heard others say it is a struggle and a challenge, but I also know people who use it as a crutch and excuse. Does it differ from person to person?
Exactly. I have it too and worked my ass off to get where i am. I just do the best i can, but i dont get out of doing anything just because i have ADHD. The parents arent doing her any favors by treating her like an invalid.
As AuDHD with GAD and Depression, I am horrified that they are bubble-wrapping her like that... how will she learn any life skills if she isn't given the opportunity? Not to mention that plenty of people do better in a work environment than school
Yes!!! I’m over here feeling very called out; I have had severe ADHD, but I’ve been a functioning men ever of society since before college. People who have children or loved ones with ADHD and other learning literally nothing about it reaaally grind my gears. We have a processing disorder, we aren’t fucking invalid.
I’ve always used it as best I could as a weapon, an advantage, or a challenge to improve (though at times it can be very problematic e.g. time blindness). I never did my homework, but I always set the curve on tests. The (likely) fact of the matter is that Alana’s ‘accident’ had nothing to do with her ADHD, and everything to do with her parents coddling her to the point of creating disabilities and dysfunction within her such as seriously lacking the skills she should be acquiring at her age I.e. operating a motor vehicle.
I have ADHD but wasn’t diagnosed until 35….so I just had to figure out through high school, after school job, college, college job, grown adult job (definitely easier with meds of course). I’m not saying it isn’t challenging but for fuck sake! I’m also 5’2” but I still have to figure out how to get shit off the top shelf of my pantry and sometimes I’ve been known to have to climb a shelf a little bit at the grocery store
As an adult with ADHD, it’s a disability. And you do us a great disservice by calling it a “challenge”.
Mine is middle of the road, and I still need meds every day of my life to help me function like a normal adult. I’ve known people with severe ADHD, and it can be impossible to function as an adult without meds and therapy, let alone at 16yo.
A broken arm is a challenge. Severe ADHD is a major disability.
Not to mention, something doesn't seem right here. Why would Casey be so angry about Alana crashing her car?
A part of me strongly feels that they made Casey give Alan a her car to use. And she crashed it. That's why she's so mad. And that's why she wants her parents to foot the bill to get her car back.
Same here I did poorly in school/home but excelled at work. Not sure if it was the structure or the wage incentive but have always done well at work even if my home is on fire (metaphorically speaking)
I’m so offended! I also have ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 40. I did much better in school when I started working. Structured environments and being on set routines helped me focus and succeed. I thrive in my career BECAUSE of being neurodivergent, not in spite of it.
I’m so offended! I also have ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 40. I did much better in school when I started working. Structured environments and being on set routines helped me focus and succeed. I thrive in my career BECAUSE of being neurodivergent, not in spite of it.
Thank you! 👏🏻👏🏻 I have unmedicated AuDHD and have always held down a job, worked multiple jobs while getting 2x TAFE diplomas, and now I’m still working casually(!) while I go to uni to get a degree?? Like?? Yes, I have to play life on hard mode, but you work around it, find techniques to make things easier. It’s definitely not a handicap, and most definitely not an excuse.
I appreciate this comment. I have ADHD and my husband does, too. We’re both successful, capable adults and we both held jobs as teens. Obviously it’s different for everyone but I hate seeing people talk about ADHD like we’re all profoundly disabled.
I mean. For some people it is actually for severe cases. I literally can’t drive bc i have severe inattentive and my brain cannot focus on driving straight hand on the wheel and peddle witthout getting overwhelmed. Adding stop signs, other signs, bikers, other cars, street lights and all that is impossie for me. I can barely focus on one of those. Tried for years and kept crashing in driving school.
But. Its not an excuse to not take responsibility or be a brat or own up to your behaviour. If alana has severe adhd like me, she’s gonna need to learn to ride a bike or walk and take buses or trains to where she need to go like I do. Some folks adhd is very very severe than others. If alana gets in car rides often all the time whenever she drives it might be unsafe for her to drive without supervission.
For some people it is a disability... I know for a fact I wouldn't have been able to have a job while in school, I was already severely struggling, a job would have destroyed any chance I had at passing. This "I have ADHD and-" helps no one. ADHD is different for every person. Some get by just fine using lists and alarms but for others that doesn't work and it's disabling. Personally I think Alana should work one day on the weekend, use one day to catch up on schoolwork and the other to work, and when summer rolls around she can get a summer job. Any money she might get from birthdays or holidays should go to Casey.
Once you learn to harness it, you might consider it a superpower once you aren’t being forced to square peg a round hole in school. Find the right employment and it is a gift. That might include an administrative assistant who can fill your gaps to give you time for your strengths.
Get through school and the world is your oyster.
SAME. LIKE. HELP HER LEARN TO SUCCEED.
like is she unmedicated? No CBT for ADHD?
Fucking help her learn to be a functional human.
Shes not an invalid, her brain just does shit a little different.
Alana , her parents and everyone around her has no plan. Why didn't they get Alana a crappy car with the $$ they were gonna use? Alana needs to tell her sister how awesome she has been sacrificing for her, that she loves her and that they gotta make plans together around the well meaning parents.
Parents should love their kids unconditionally, help them be their best.
Sometimes they miss stuff.
I have ADHD and I’m offended. It’s a challenge not a handicap.
I adore you internet stranger! I'm showing your comment to my daughter! My granddaughter has all the signs of mild ADHD (more attention deficit than hyperactivity), and my daughter has refused to get her tested because she doesn't want labeled as "special needs" or "handicapped." Idky this is an issue for my daughter. My son has severe ADHD and required medication on top of all the behavioral techniques we used.
Adhd is a disability.
It's one of the leading causes of addiction and leads to a significant number of suicides.
Don't be an ignorant dick because of your internalized abelism.
They're definitely not supporting Alana or their eldest (who probably also has adhd or asd) the way they should, but that's no reason to downplay the severity of neurodivergence for millions of people.
ADHD can be a handicap but it still doesn’t absolve you of responsibility. It’s also the responsibility of parents to not give their kids access to more responsibility than they can handle, and to cover their kids‘ asses if something does happen.
That’s utter bullshit. Some people learn to deal with their ADHD. Some can’t. I’m one of those who can’t. For me it always has been a curse, wrecking up my life. Superpower. Sure.
There are certain benefits. Hyperfocus is wild when it manages to be on the right thing. Problem is, it's not 90% of the time and overall makes life so much more difficult to deal with. I've managed to make things work and be fairly successful in life, especially with the help of my partner, but I've burt out several times severely, and I can't function on the same level as most NT people as an adult. I seem to be able to hold down a good job, at least for the time being, but I struggle to keep up with basic chores, I know for a fact I'd never be able to handle having kids, and it's all I can do to keep the daily stress of life from making me spiral and burn out. I'm very fortunate to be in the position I am, and overall I'm happy with the life I've built, but ADHD can seriously be debilitating in ways that make it really difficult to do things people expect to be easy. The other thing people don't talk imo about is how the various strategies and coping mechanisms that we develop may get us through life, but in my experience anyway, those strategies only contribute to eventual burnout. So, I develop coping strategies to handle the burnout caused by using coping strategies to get through life with ADHD. ADHD may not be entirely debilitating to many, but it's certainly not a superpower in a world designed primarily for Neurotypical people.
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u/Geskakay1985 5d ago
I know! I have ADHD and I’m offended. It’s a challenge not a handicap.