I'm thinking coercion, nobody who works for a year casually lends out their car to someone who can't afford it no matter the relationship. OP says that he had money in the budget for Casey's car and she had to save the rest to get the car she wanted, so why not give her the money from the budget earmarked for Alana's car as well as the money from the insurance payout to at least try and buy a car from that? Or is OP still going to facilitate buying Alana a car separately even though she destroyed Casey's?
That also makes me wonder who paid the car insurance because if was Casey, I suspect she might have replaced the car. If on her parents' insurance, then they get the money and make the decisions. I totally get why they prioritised medical care but also totally get why Casey upset. Her loss is being minimised because her sister made a mistake - though it is scary how often ADD get diagnosed after a car crash. Why my ADHD partner doesn't drive - his focus is off. The insurance money was meant to be replace the cash she earned to buy her car - she's now got no car and the replacement money spent on her sister and she has to be patient to get it back. I suspect her trust is also near the floor and now her father doesn't care she is upset. She just has to live with it because everyone else's needs are greater.
u/TopVersion2940 OP: Make your 2nd daughter work to pay YOU back after YOU buy your firstborn her replacement vehicle (immediately). This situation is 100% on you as the parent who condoned an inexperienced driver whose focus is too easily compromised to function properly (in your own words) to endanger everyone else in your community. Otherwise you are well on your way down the beginning of "no contact" road once your first girl hits 18 and gets the hell out of your house.
By the way, how are the people/property your youngest daughter hit? You mentioned her injuries but showed no concern for what became of her victims. Nothing mentioned of you paying for the damages/injuries to others she caused. What were the losses on the other side?
Literally ADHD is sooo unique to individuals and good on Alana for getting diagnosed and i hope treated for it however so many of us weren't.
We went through life with this severe issue going on yet still graduated school, held a job, got a license etc etc
If her adhd is that bad that she cannot work, then that is a big problem and she should not be able to drive a car that is not hers whatsoever. OP makes me so angry as he has completely let down his older daughter to "stick up for" the younger one! Alana will never stand on her own two feet if her folks treat her like a bomb ready to go off and use kid gloves
Growing up I was told I'd never hold down a job, graduate school, or learn how to drive. I do just fine.
If her ADHD is legitimately as severe as OP is making out she shouldn't be driving, period. For that matter, if it's that severe OP might want to start looking at places to put her when they die, because Casey sure as fuck ain't helping her, much less taking her.
What we should be doing and what we have to do to function in society are two different things.
Driving is often not optional. In my area we don't have adequate public transit and I can't afford uber usually. So I've been skipping doctors appointments and therapy. Hell, I can't even go down to take a piss test to get my ADHD meds because I can't drive because of the ADHD... my husband works five 10s, so everything medical opens after he leaves and closes before he is done for the day.
No, I was told I was literally too stupid and disabled.
I was also told I'd never be able to live independently because I was considered physically incapable of doing so due to my AuADHD.
Of, course this was after diagnosis yeeted me straight from "really, really fucking gifted. How soon can we get this kid into college" in elementary school to "this kid is neyordivergent? She's too stupid to live" in middle school, so it didn't have quite the impact they were expecting.
It fucked my life up, sure, by I proceeded to ignore them. (I them got in trouble for ignoring them, but that's a story for another time)
My point about not driving and I think a few others is that she cannot work. A car is a privilege especially as she is so young and a dependant on her parents (eg op)
OP /her mum can drive her.
If she can't work because shes that bad then she absolutely should not be driving a car (besides her parents if they are teaching her) because she cant afford to replace it or even the insurance to cover her driving it.
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u/AITALondon99 5d ago
I'm thinking coercion, nobody who works for a year casually lends out their car to someone who can't afford it no matter the relationship. OP says that he had money in the budget for Casey's car and she had to save the rest to get the car she wanted, so why not give her the money from the budget earmarked for Alana's car as well as the money from the insurance payout to at least try and buy a car from that? Or is OP still going to facilitate buying Alana a car separately even though she destroyed Casey's?