I love how people think that the solution for someone having a condition that makes them unfit to do something as simple as driving a car safely is to prevent them from driving. Yes, okay. But ALSO if that's true, they need help in the same way that anyone with a disability who is unfit to drive a car needs help.
A disability by any other name is still a disability.
Maybe. People without ADHD have accidents as well. So it's hard to say without more info whether it was ordinary human error or an adhd-related lapse in judgment/attention. Having ADHD doesn't automatically make you a bad driver. I know several folks with ADHD that are excellent drivers. As with many things it depends on the person in question. But my comment above was more in response to the comments than the original post.
Fair enough. I’m ADHD and the information I’ve seen is that some of us who struggle more with impulse control and executive function tend to make poorer decisions when driving. I’ve had multiple minor accidents and speeding tickets. This was when I was undiagnosed and not on medication.
Was it an "accident"? It doesn't sound like Alana was hit while the car wasn't moving. It is possible to drive in a way that makes collisions less likely. Few collisions are true "accidents."
It's amazing how draconian people can be about traffic violations, while thinking of everything else as an "accident."
Letting a brand new driver, with severe adhd, behind the wheel is negligence. How is that different than purposefully convincing someone to let a drunk person borrow their car?
The point I'm making is that people without ADHD, or any other disorder have road accidents all the time. This is because of human error, lapses in judgment, fatigue, using devices while driving, blind spots, dangerous roads and driving conditions, other drivers acting in unpredictable ways and so forth.
It's not like all road accidents are people with ADHD. So while it's reasonable to hypothesise that the ADHD was the deciding factor, it could also have been any of the myriad of ordinary everyday reasons road accidents happen.
I remember one week about 2 years ago when in a single week, I had three people start changing lanes ontop of me and without bothering to indicate. Just ordinary people not paying attention to the car that was driving directly parallel to them in the neighbouring lane. Ordinary people do dumb crap all the time. Separating what is ADHD and what is just ordinary stupidity behind the wheel requires more information than we were given.
Also, don't forget that in most countries you have to take a driving test to be issued your license.
Keep in mind that we are also all assuming that the daughter was made/forced to let the sister use the car. We also need more info to confirm that.
You won’t get an argument from me on that. I have a comment in the main thread saying the same. There is clearly favouritism, but if the parents bought the car the youngest drove and she crashed it, the eldest wouldn’t be in this position now. I’m ADHD and I think the way these parents are handling things is setting her up for failure in the future.
I think when it comes to school, total focus zones should be allowed, but for me I'm a person who needs people to outright say things, so in my opinion I can't judge their entire lives based off of this post, but I really do think that everyone's right about them needing to reevaluate to make sure favoritism isn't happening, and that they need to find a way to quickly help replace Casey's car, or at least the need for one. Also I think you're right that is Alana absolutely has to drive she should get a car of her own to do so, but her crashing is really concerning
When I was in high school, I hated being there and was bored out of my mind. I wouldn’t have focused no matter how much time I was given or pushed by my parents. Yet when I’m interested in a subject, I excel and get A+ more often, yet I almost flunked out of high school. There’s some info here missing, like what outside support they’re getting for her? Is she on medication? I also got into several minor accidents in my teen/early adult years. I needed to drive for work though, so it wasn’t an option (other then being unemployed). If she’s just going to school and they want her to focus on that, then no car. I’m not arguing with you btw, just adding another voice to the conversation.
Normally I'd agree with you, but it's definitely possible that she was on medication, but either side effects were a nightmare (been there) or nothing worked (also been there)
There are so many different medications and strategies for adhd nowadays, even things as simple as time management apps and strategies for breaking up tasks that don’t require any medication, just a better understanding of the condition and playing to its strengths. There are some cases that are very resistant to treatment, which is really frustrating when you are that case and I hope you find something that works for you in the future, but not sure that is the case here. Sounds like she is 16 and they haven’t really tried anything, just decided she has adhd so she can’t hold down a job without letting her try or getting her help to learn coping strategies she will need to function in society with or without medication.
Oh definitely, even with meds you need strategies. I hope they haven't tried anything yet tbh because if they have and no meds work, that always sucks out loud for the person suffering.
They're definitely coddling her though, ADHD people need to be taught via experience and honestly a weekend job sounds like it would be good for her and her future (with guidance from her parents so she doesn't go off track with school)
I was able to balance unmedicated adhd, medicated depression, full time college and part time working as a mid 20 year old. If the adhd is severe enough to harm her school and future, she needs treatment, not a drivers license, and the big sister does not deserve indirect punishment.
Thank you! OP, YTA big-time here. Your child saved and worked hard and accomplished something that meant a lot to her - buying a car. And you don't care. You acknowledge that you can't find the money to make this right, but you don't understand that your teenager made that happen for herself? This was a big deal that you're just sweeping aside as if it doesn't mean anything. YTA and you suck.
Came to say this. Stop coddling the younger kid and treat her severe ADHD! Shes going to have to grow up and have a job, house, and a car. She needs to learn now not be coddled. She still needs to be held accountable for her actions disability or not. That’s coming from someone with ADHD.
The fact that she’s a woman who got a diagnosis in the first place while also being so young is incredible. If she has an actual diagnosis from a doctor she should be prescribed stimulants to help with the ADHD.
Unless you're a foster kid, in which they'll load them up on diagnoses and medication on the first meeting. The meds have to be court approved, which they always are since the psychiatrist is considered an expert. I had a 9 y/o girl diagnosed with IED, psychiatrist didn't even talk to her; just the foster parent. It could just be my area, but they've all been terrible. The other psychiatrist prescribes all of the kids seroquel regardless of diagnosis. I fucking hate it. I have ADHD so I understand how helpful medications can be, but there's a certain responsibility to not prescribe antipyschotics to children before attempting anything else. The 9 year old was prescribed aripiprazole (abilify), a stimulant for adhd, and seroquel. In first appointment.
Sometimes the diagnosis is made through the school system or PCP and the family doesn't get told they can follow up with a psychiatrist. I'm a psychiatrist and have had plenty of patients who were diagnosed in elementary school and show up in high school for ADHD treatment for the first time.
This comes up all the time when people talk about ADHD and it's not totally wrong, but completely undercuts how brutally hard it is to get an evaluation and diagnosis at times. It took me 15 years and a lot of money to get someone to listen to me. That being said, they could also be the kind of parents who don't want to dedicate their kid. I've met them and it frustrates me. It would be like someone snatching my crutches to tell me I can't take meds.
Firstly, due to the nature of adhd many stimulants actually have a calming effect on the brains of those suffering from it, the opposite effect they have on a non-adhd brain, and secondly why do you automatically assume that I am talking about medication? There are a lot of physiological treatments and strategies to help people cope with adhd and things as simple as time management apps that help people hold down a job that don’t involve any medication. It just involves being aware of where you are likely to get into trouble and putting strategies in place like checklists, alarms and frequent breaks to deal with the forgetfulness and losing track of time.
I "have ADHD" and had issues with driving. I took stimulants for years. They didn't help much. Some kids just need extra time to mature before you put them behind the wheel of a 2-ton death machine. What helped was getting out of a chaotic household and teaching myself how to drive without interference.
We teach driving all wrong. Imagine being expected to narrate every. single. step of your driving in detail while you're doing it. This is how I was "taught" to drive. Insane.
How so? Why would you assume that? People with ADHD are perfectly fine to drive a car in most cases. You can't just assume someone caused an accident because of one trait.
I mentioned two traits, actually. I never said people with ADHD can't drive period, but they absolutely do have a higher rate of accidents. See also: teenagers.
If you don't know enough about statistics and data to realize your personal anecdote of experiences doesn't represent the whole in anyway, asking for study sources isn't gonna help you. Likely your only takeaway would be the headlines anyways.
So instead of actually relying on verifiable facts you're instead going to vilify an entire group of people that suffer from a disability based on nothing but your feelings?
See the reason why I ask for sources is because unlike you, I explicitly don't take things at face value.
Yea holy fuck your entire comment history is misogyny and supporting police brutality. You definitely don't care about facts.
It is not a coincidence at all that her ADHD is that bad and the first and only time she took her sisters car she TOTALS it and breaks her bones. Not even fender bender.
I know you have this whole narrative in your head, but we have no idea how bad ger ADHD isnkn the spectrum, we don't know if this was the very first time she drove it, and some good drivers can get their cars totaled for things out of their control.
Making assumptions about how you think things played out may be fun for you but it does in no way represent the reality. Unless of course you proof to back up your claims?
... the proof is what was written. A just bought car, C begged to let use it and A was reluctant. Now crash happens. Did you even read the OP or are you just here to tell your own weird narrative for no reason?
Idk the country but in the US at 16 they cannot be driving with someone under 21. So why is a child with such "severe ADHD" (that we should question all of their decision making abilities) in a situation where they were able to drive at such speeds in a situation where they were able to total a car and break and arm and a leg? OP is down playing their negligence and the likelihood of how the daughter got "talked into" giving Alana the car keys.
The most mature thing my youngest did (she has ADHD) is decide not to drive. She was worried she would harm someone and crash the car! If the ADHD is too much for a pt job, then driving 2000 lbs of metal at 30-40mph should be out of the question. The parents suck!
ADHD’s impact on driving ability is quite different from its impact on school performance. This is an apples and oranges comparison. “If she has autism and struggles to socialize, should she really be riding a bicycle???”
I have severe ADHD and have worked since I was 14.
If OP was that concerned about her academic performance, he would make her see a tutor or visit teachers in their free periods for help.
Something tells me her struggle is more about her parents not making her do her homework though.
Also, if her adhd is that bad, OP is being neglectful as a parent to not offer to have her medicated
6.9k
u/I_ship_it07 6d ago
If she had à so severe ADHD that she suck at school and can't apparently work why did you let her drive?
YTA good for your daughter to not bend, there is clearly à favorite and it's clearly not her.