Agree. Our son is 16 with adhd and we haven’t allowed him to get his driver’s license yet due to his poor decision making and on the advice of his doctor. Read the numerous studies. He wrecked his snowmobile and we fixed it once. He wrecked it a second time and guess what? It’s sat out an entire winter until he gets a job and pays for it to be fixed himself. Is he livid with us? Absolutely. It was an ugly winter. Too bad. You want it fixed. Get a job. Your adhd makes it too hard for you to balance work and school? Then I guess you should spend your winter extracurricular time doing homework and you won’t miss that snowmobile one bit.
There is no reason why your daughter cannot work one part-time shift on the weekend and give every dollar from it to her sister. This is how the real world works.
Yeah, but then the parents shower A w/ money to "make up for her not being able to keep her own paycheck. Cue the violins. C is absolutely right to expect another car. No consequences for A? But C has to wait till a time her parents "feel like" getting her a replacement. You know, they will find something else that is "more important". I have ADHD too, and I have a BS and a well paying job. A needs to get her self a job, C doesn't deserve to have to wait til she is the priority.
He's worried about harming his daughters future. However, he's literally doing just that by coddling her and not preparing her for a world that doesn't give a flying eff that she has ADHD.
COLLEGE will be a rude awakening. The Professors don't assign graded homework (which is honestly the thing that makes primary school and highschool a relative breeze), Professors don't care if you show up to class. They don't care if you pass or fail.
You are 100% responsible for your own learning and just showing up to the lectures, is going to be even more useless for someone with ADHD who will probably be distracted the whole time.
I don't see how old dad, just making sure his daughter has as little responsibility as possible now is preparing her for that, lol.
Yeah, graded homework is just a pain, especially if you can manage knowing the material yourself. I would spend hours on a few papers because I couldn't force myself to focus
It certainly can if you are actually responsible enough to study. I was not. Graduated Highschool with near 4.0 and completely bombed my first semester of college, lol.
Why do you say "feel like"? OP said he can't afford it. Do you know that there are some families that literally do not have any extra income for non-necessities and are living paycheck to paycheck? My family is in that scenario right now.
Even if they can't afford it there are steps they can talk to start bridging the gap. Alana in her carelessness destroyed something Casey bought with her own time and effort. Why aren't they stripping down her room of things of value like say electronics and special clothing and selling it to start making up the difference. That doesn't harm the kids future, and well it teaches a lesson. You wrong someone you need to make it work.
He's also even worse because he considers it emotional manipulation. It's not. If you in the real world destroyed something of someone else's because of inattentiveness they'd probably not talk to you until you made them whole. That's a normal human reaction. But since they are "FAMILY" she has to make her self small to make the other 3 members happy. Nothing in this post has any sympathy of Casey who lost something major she worked hard to pay for.
If they won't let Alana get a job then they should be getting second jobs themselves and replace Casey's car. Casey being this mad tells me she didn't just let Alana use her car on her own.
Yeah, you're probably right. The situation definitely sucks for Casey. Imagine working for a year to buy your own car, and someone else wrecks it. No car to show for your perseverance and discipline.
Difficulty multitasking, getting distracted more easily, more impulsive, and bad spacial awareness. It can be a little bit of all three or more of one, but it all leads to people with adhd being more prone to car accidents.
While I overall agree, I do hope you’re helping him to learn those skills to balance work and school (I’m sure you are, just throwing that in there because ADHD isn’t a choice - you need to be taught how to manage the symptoms and he can’t just choose to work harder on his school work and you didn’t mention working with him on those skills 😉)
I kind of agree with that statement. I had medication help to learn how to focus from a young age but managing time should be self explanatory I would think at least.
Also you can 100% choose to work harder, it just depends if he actually has the drive to and the environent. I had really bad ADD as a child, but it was the educators that were failing me. Most educators don't want to deal with kids that have really bad ADD/ADHD. I was behind in school bc of it, but once I was put in the right school around the right people, it helped a tons.
I get though not every person is the same though, maybe this case is different idk.
It's not tho, it's my own experience of dealing with shitty teachers that don't care in a poor school system. My mom literally moved us to a different city bc of it. Some schools/teachers literally don't care.
In addition, however, if my "bs" is anecdotal then so is yours, op's, literally everyone on reddit.
He has amazing support, coaching, strategies, and fine tuning of medication but at the end of the day he needs to find intrinsic motivation to avail himself of these opportunities. He will get there eventually as his frontal lobe develops and he realizes how the real world functions. Gains are coming slow and steady.
As long as he’s been given the strategies then it’s up to him! Well done mama, you’re doing EXACTLY what you should be and I hope to be that strong once my son is that age! He’s currently 9 and held accountable but I do know it’s hard to watch them struggle too.
It's really the way to go, I have ADHD and I was rough on shit til my parents held me accountable. Now as an adult I take care of my things and I've never had an accident that I've been at fault in.
My first car was a standard as well which helped and I didn't have a cell phone, because this was ages ago and they were expensive. Wouldn't be surprised if she was texting or messing with the radio, OP is pretty scarce with the details.
Good for you for doing what you can to avoid enabling bad decisions and essentially refusing to take responsibility (by blaming his diagnosis). I too won’t be letting our son attempt his license at the usual age of 16… just not mature enough to handle operating a vehicle amongst other road users.
As a person with ADHD and a parent of a child with ADHD, I agree with this. That Alana can work weekends. If it’s been 6 months since the accident she could and should have been working all summer as well it might take her a long time to replace the car at that rate, but the point is she should be working towards rectifying the situation regardless how long it takes. I do NOT think her school work should be sacrificed but again, weekends and summer break is a great time to do that. Live in a climate that gets a lot of snow in the winter? She should start canvassing the neighborhood to offer to shovel driveways and walkways. Any little bit to work towards the goal.
I was undiagnosed until a few years ago and I’m 46. I have had several accidents over the years caused by poor decisions on the road. We’re also known to have more speeding tickets as well. It wasn’t until I had my kids that I really put work into slowing down and being more careful.
Now with my diagnosis and being on meds, my driving skills are better now, but I still have moments that I shake my head afterwards for a decision made (when I’m in the car alone).
The impulse control issue alone would cause poorer driving skills and I never really thought about that connection before I read your comment.
People with ADHD still need to learn how to take responsibility for their actions and lives. Alana getting a job ain't the worst thing and it'll be good for her to learn what it takes to keep a job.
Also licenses are privileges, not a right. Alana doesn't seem suitable to drive.
Can confirm. I had undiagnosed add in high school and had multiple speeding tickets and accidents. Some were my fault and some weren’t but being an unmedicated undiagnosed distracted driver was a hazard. Now that I’m medicated - it’s not an issue but when I wasn’t A it was definitely an issue.
Bingo! Brother and I both have severe ADHD. We both got the old minivan when we first got our license. Then once we both had our license he decided to drive the car my parents were going to junk while I drove the van. But the rule of the house was they would do it once than we were on our own. For anything that’s how it worked. Before we could have a job it was doing extra chores around the house. And it was the stuff you don’t do on a regular basis. Like cleaning baseboards or trimming branches. Cleaning and organizing the garage was a favorite of my parents. They hate cleaning the garage. If we broke something we got our allowance cut off till it was paid for.
Oh my brother and I are just shy of two years apart. He got his license at 16. He was responsible enough. I got mine at 18 because I needed to get to college. If the public transit was better I would have done that instead. Otherwise I took my bike or walked.
Yuppp. My cousin (who was more like a sister cause we were raised together) is 2 years younger than me with moderate-severe adhd. My family tried to teach her how to drive the 4-wheeler in the yard at 15-16 and she wrecked it into a tree….twice. Sooo they said “yeah, no, you’re not driving yet”. She got upset saying “but she(me) got to drive at 16. That’s not fair” and my grandpa was like “well she didn’t drive into a tree. We’ll try again next year”. Then he made her do chores to pay for the new head light his 4-wheeler needed. And that was that. Alana needs to learn responsibility
Of course you can drive with adhd. The longer a teenager with adhd waits the safer it is for them as their frontal lobe develops and their impulse control and decision making ability matures.
I feel like the only issue with that is finding a job that enables you to do that. I do agree though that she shouldn't have been driving If it's that bad
Absolutely respect your (and your doctor's) decision that is an effort to prevent your son from regularly driving, however a small suggestion - Have him get his driver's license but do not let him drive beyond what is required to gain that license.
The only reason I say this is because it is so incredibly much more difficult to obtain one 'in the future' when they are under other obligations compared to when they are ~16. Yes, you can get a walker's permit or whatever the official government issued photo ID is called in your state, but a drivers license is recognized and used beyond 'just driving.' Again - you can restrict him to just the minimum required co-driving during situations/times you deem it best/safest for getting the license, but that would save a lot of hassle later in life.
Your adhd makes it too hard for you to balance work and school? Then I guess you should spend your winter extracurricular time doing homework and you won’t miss that snowmobile one bit.
This is super abusive behavior. You're punishing your disabled child for having a disability.
They would be punishing the kid who wrecked a car for wrecking a car. If she killed someone with her actions the court is going to laugh at her claiming she has ADHD to try to get out of the charges.
Admittedly I have ADHD and am just waking up. Thought this was about Alana
Parents have no obligation to replace an item their kids destroyed. If he dropped his iPhone and broke it due to ADHD, mommy and daddy don’t have to keep buying him a new iPhone every time. Eventually he gets a “it calls and texts” flip phone
But seriously? Super abusive? He broke his own hobby item. Twice.
He has a doctor, you can assume the kid is under treatment. You can’t just cry ableism when parents don’t replace the items their kids break. He doesn’t need a snowmobile.
His psychiatrist and psychologist agreed that the natural consequence the second time was that until he could earn the money to repair it himself, it doesn’t get fixed. He also would continually defy us and go out on it without doing his school work and was failing all his classes. His grades did come up with the lack of the snowmobile for the remainder of last winter and he passed all but one class. This also qualified him to get into a school trades program he’s had his eye on this year where he will be paid so things are starting to come together nicely for him and he’s seeing that he needs to put in the effort to both pass classes to earn his spot in a program he wants, and to be able to earn material things he desires. I can assure you he is well loved.
We don’t think it can be fixed by trying harder. He has a team of specialists, an amazing school team, and our family therapists and ADHD coaches, and finely tuned adhd medication that all works together to save this kid and give him the brightest future possible.
Unfortunately, homework is real and he does need to make it through school and he does need to pay for the damage if he wants to ride his hobby again (he can choose not to fix it and that’s okay). As we continuously listen to him and all work together to tweak what he needs we are seeing gains in his life and will never give up on him.
It’s a regular family activity here, we use them for hunting as we live in the Arctic and we obviously got him one with a slow motor due to his adhd. We aren’t idiots.
I love how people think that the solution for someone having a condition that makes them unfit to do something as simple as driving a car safely is to prevent them from driving. Yes, okay. But ALSO if that's true, they need help in the same way that anyone with a disability who is unfit to drive a car needs help.
A disability by any other name is still a disability.
Maybe. People without ADHD have accidents as well. So it's hard to say without more info whether it was ordinary human error or an adhd-related lapse in judgment/attention. Having ADHD doesn't automatically make you a bad driver. I know several folks with ADHD that are excellent drivers. As with many things it depends on the person in question. But my comment above was more in response to the comments than the original post.
Fair enough. I’m ADHD and the information I’ve seen is that some of us who struggle more with impulse control and executive function tend to make poorer decisions when driving. I’ve had multiple minor accidents and speeding tickets. This was when I was undiagnosed and not on medication.
Was it an "accident"? It doesn't sound like Alana was hit while the car wasn't moving. It is possible to drive in a way that makes collisions less likely. Few collisions are true "accidents."
It's amazing how draconian people can be about traffic violations, while thinking of everything else as an "accident."
Letting a brand new driver, with severe adhd, behind the wheel is negligence. How is that different than purposefully convincing someone to let a drunk person borrow their car?
The point I'm making is that people without ADHD, or any other disorder have road accidents all the time. This is because of human error, lapses in judgment, fatigue, using devices while driving, blind spots, dangerous roads and driving conditions, other drivers acting in unpredictable ways and so forth.
It's not like all road accidents are people with ADHD. So while it's reasonable to hypothesise that the ADHD was the deciding factor, it could also have been any of the myriad of ordinary everyday reasons road accidents happen.
I remember one week about 2 years ago when in a single week, I had three people start changing lanes ontop of me and without bothering to indicate. Just ordinary people not paying attention to the car that was driving directly parallel to them in the neighbouring lane. Ordinary people do dumb crap all the time. Separating what is ADHD and what is just ordinary stupidity behind the wheel requires more information than we were given.
Also, don't forget that in most countries you have to take a driving test to be issued your license.
Keep in mind that we are also all assuming that the daughter was made/forced to let the sister use the car. We also need more info to confirm that.
You won’t get an argument from me on that. I have a comment in the main thread saying the same. There is clearly favouritism, but if the parents bought the car the youngest drove and she crashed it, the eldest wouldn’t be in this position now. I’m ADHD and I think the way these parents are handling things is setting her up for failure in the future.
I think when it comes to school, total focus zones should be allowed, but for me I'm a person who needs people to outright say things, so in my opinion I can't judge their entire lives based off of this post, but I really do think that everyone's right about them needing to reevaluate to make sure favoritism isn't happening, and that they need to find a way to quickly help replace Casey's car, or at least the need for one. Also I think you're right that is Alana absolutely has to drive she should get a car of her own to do so, but her crashing is really concerning
Normally I'd agree with you, but it's definitely possible that she was on medication, but either side effects were a nightmare (been there) or nothing worked (also been there)
There are so many different medications and strategies for adhd nowadays, even things as simple as time management apps and strategies for breaking up tasks that don’t require any medication, just a better understanding of the condition and playing to its strengths. There are some cases that are very resistant to treatment, which is really frustrating when you are that case and I hope you find something that works for you in the future, but not sure that is the case here. Sounds like she is 16 and they haven’t really tried anything, just decided she has adhd so she can’t hold down a job without letting her try or getting her help to learn coping strategies she will need to function in society with or without medication.
Oh definitely, even with meds you need strategies. I hope they haven't tried anything yet tbh because if they have and no meds work, that always sucks out loud for the person suffering.
They're definitely coddling her though, ADHD people need to be taught via experience and honestly a weekend job sounds like it would be good for her and her future (with guidance from her parents so she doesn't go off track with school)
I was able to balance unmedicated adhd, medicated depression, full time college and part time working as a mid 20 year old. If the adhd is severe enough to harm her school and future, she needs treatment, not a drivers license, and the big sister does not deserve indirect punishment.
Thank you! OP, YTA big-time here. Your child saved and worked hard and accomplished something that meant a lot to her - buying a car. And you don't care. You acknowledge that you can't find the money to make this right, but you don't understand that your teenager made that happen for herself? This was a big deal that you're just sweeping aside as if it doesn't mean anything. YTA and you suck.
Came to say this. Stop coddling the younger kid and treat her severe ADHD! Shes going to have to grow up and have a job, house, and a car. She needs to learn now not be coddled. She still needs to be held accountable for her actions disability or not. That’s coming from someone with ADHD.
The fact that she’s a woman who got a diagnosis in the first place while also being so young is incredible. If she has an actual diagnosis from a doctor she should be prescribed stimulants to help with the ADHD.
Unless you're a foster kid, in which they'll load them up on diagnoses and medication on the first meeting. The meds have to be court approved, which they always are since the psychiatrist is considered an expert. I had a 9 y/o girl diagnosed with IED, psychiatrist didn't even talk to her; just the foster parent. It could just be my area, but they've all been terrible. The other psychiatrist prescribes all of the kids seroquel regardless of diagnosis. I fucking hate it. I have ADHD so I understand how helpful medications can be, but there's a certain responsibility to not prescribe antipyschotics to children before attempting anything else. The 9 year old was prescribed aripiprazole (abilify), a stimulant for adhd, and seroquel. In first appointment.
Sometimes the diagnosis is made through the school system or PCP and the family doesn't get told they can follow up with a psychiatrist. I'm a psychiatrist and have had plenty of patients who were diagnosed in elementary school and show up in high school for ADHD treatment for the first time.
This comes up all the time when people talk about ADHD and it's not totally wrong, but completely undercuts how brutally hard it is to get an evaluation and diagnosis at times. It took me 15 years and a lot of money to get someone to listen to me. That being said, they could also be the kind of parents who don't want to dedicate their kid. I've met them and it frustrates me. It would be like someone snatching my crutches to tell me I can't take meds.
Firstly, due to the nature of adhd many stimulants actually have a calming effect on the brains of those suffering from it, the opposite effect they have on a non-adhd brain, and secondly why do you automatically assume that I am talking about medication? There are a lot of physiological treatments and strategies to help people cope with adhd and things as simple as time management apps that help people hold down a job that don’t involve any medication. It just involves being aware of where you are likely to get into trouble and putting strategies in place like checklists, alarms and frequent breaks to deal with the forgetfulness and losing track of time.
I "have ADHD" and had issues with driving. I took stimulants for years. They didn't help much. Some kids just need extra time to mature before you put them behind the wheel of a 2-ton death machine. What helped was getting out of a chaotic household and teaching myself how to drive without interference.
We teach driving all wrong. Imagine being expected to narrate every. single. step of your driving in detail while you're doing it. This is how I was "taught" to drive. Insane.
How so? Why would you assume that? People with ADHD are perfectly fine to drive a car in most cases. You can't just assume someone caused an accident because of one trait.
I mentioned two traits, actually. I never said people with ADHD can't drive period, but they absolutely do have a higher rate of accidents. See also: teenagers.
If you don't know enough about statistics and data to realize your personal anecdote of experiences doesn't represent the whole in anyway, asking for study sources isn't gonna help you. Likely your only takeaway would be the headlines anyways.
So instead of actually relying on verifiable facts you're instead going to vilify an entire group of people that suffer from a disability based on nothing but your feelings?
See the reason why I ask for sources is because unlike you, I explicitly don't take things at face value.
Yea holy fuck your entire comment history is misogyny and supporting police brutality. You definitely don't care about facts.
It is not a coincidence at all that her ADHD is that bad and the first and only time she took her sisters car she TOTALS it and breaks her bones. Not even fender bender.
I know you have this whole narrative in your head, but we have no idea how bad ger ADHD isnkn the spectrum, we don't know if this was the very first time she drove it, and some good drivers can get their cars totaled for things out of their control.
Making assumptions about how you think things played out may be fun for you but it does in no way represent the reality. Unless of course you proof to back up your claims?
... the proof is what was written. A just bought car, C begged to let use it and A was reluctant. Now crash happens. Did you even read the OP or are you just here to tell your own weird narrative for no reason?
Idk the country but in the US at 16 they cannot be driving with someone under 21. So why is a child with such "severe ADHD" (that we should question all of their decision making abilities) in a situation where they were able to drive at such speeds in a situation where they were able to total a car and break and arm and a leg? OP is down playing their negligence and the likelihood of how the daughter got "talked into" giving Alana the car keys.
The most mature thing my youngest did (she has ADHD) is decide not to drive. She was worried she would harm someone and crash the car! If the ADHD is too much for a pt job, then driving 2000 lbs of metal at 30-40mph should be out of the question. The parents suck!
ADHD’s impact on driving ability is quite different from its impact on school performance. This is an apples and oranges comparison. “If she has autism and struggles to socialize, should she really be riding a bicycle???”
I have severe ADHD and have worked since I was 14.
If OP was that concerned about her academic performance, he would make her see a tutor or visit teachers in their free periods for help.
Something tells me her struggle is more about her parents not making her do her homework though.
Also, if her adhd is that bad, OP is being neglectful as a parent to not offer to have her medicated
You could afford family therapy but not a car? Couldn’t overlook that detail. Why not get her basic $1000-1,500 car that runs and will get her from A-B temporarily? Would you have to sell a couch, tv, couple games, kitchen tables, shelves, or whatever damn thing you got? Just saying OP you don’t have to get her an expensive car get her one that functions temporarily, and you can’t say “it’s a money issue we can’t afford it” when you probably have things lying around worth a good buck. YTA
Exactly. My step daughter has severe adhd and she was actually told by the driving instructor she wouldn’t be able to get a license until she gets her adhd handled enough so she wouldn’t be a danger to herself and others. If the adhd is so severe she def shouldn’t be driving, especially not someone else’s car.
If she's incapable of managing her time I don't feel comfortable with her being behind the wheel with other people's lives at stake. The way OP phrases it out sounds like Alana was at fault for the accident (would anyone be surprised if she was on her phone?). Driving is not a right, it's a privilege. Casey worked hard for that privilege and demonstrated responsibility, Alana has not.
This! As I said in my comment, I have severe ADHD as well. I had to earn my parents trust to get my license, and I was super responsible and hands down one of the best drivers in my drivers ed cohort ran by the police in my area, and it was a really tough drivers ed school. No nonsense and they hold us to higher standards than what it was to get a license because they want us to learn how to drive responsibly and correctly instead of just passing us to pass us.
For the love of god if Alana is struggling that badly, talk to her doctor about different treatment options. If she is not getting the treatment that she’s needing that is hurting her future more than some bad grades.
Losing my mind at OP righteously typing "as a parent I need to look out for all my children, not just one" when, according to this story at least, they seem to be favoring the child with ADHD at the expense (literal + emotional) of the neurotypical one.
As an OG ADD diagnosed (late 80s -we didn’t even have the H yet let alone the differentiation of diagnosis as far as I know ) educator and totally anecdotal obvs….
Learning to cope (medicated and or not) and not being coddled is what’s up. Like you need to learn how to trigger your executive function and find a flow to how you order tasks. That shit is not teachable as it is very subjective. A lot of schooling is really prohibitive towards this sort of learning.
My ADD is now as much of a virtue as a fault. I can juggle my hyper focus like a motherfucker and am an absolute beast at problem solving because I was forced to learn or rot.
I didn’t get my full license until I was in my 30s because my (undiagnosed and untreated) ADHD made me (rightfully) question my ability to drive safely. I was never in an accident, but I had a lot of instances of getting really distracted.
Immediate tasks like driving are very different from long-haul tasks that require planning and studying, like school, so I don’t think every teenager with severe ADHD should be prevented from driving based on that - but in this case, like mine, it sounds like Alana definitely should not have been behind the wheel.
It totally depends on the context around the borrowing of the car.
If the older sister just said, "yeah sure you can borrow my car then shit happens. Don't lend your stuff out untrustworthy or inexperienced people who can't afford to fix problems they make.
If the parents coerced the older sister, then they are in the wrong.
But in the real-world, bad things happen, and you have to deal with it even if it doesn't feel fair.
I got rear-ended by a guy on drugs with no car insurance. I had to pay a decent amount out of pocket even though the other person was 100% at fault.
I didn't even lend my vehicle to some idiot. It was just bad luck. If she freely lent her vehicle to a new driver then she made a significant error in judgment, and now there are consequences.
I have "severe ADHD" the best thing that ever happened to me was working. If it wasn't for work, I would have fiddled my time away. If your ADHD is so bad you "can't work", then it's sure as shit too bad to drive.
I have never actively hated someone so much in my life before.
I was diagnosed with severe ADHD as a kid, and am not really sure why she can't work or drive?
It does make managing your life very challenging, and can be incredibly destructive when untreated, but the treatment works tremendously well. When treated, it's nowhere near as limiting as made out here.
I'm french so my phone has the glorious french autocorrect with all his wonderful accent(/s) so even while being carefull some accent slip through my text... especially the a who is used a lot in french (with or without accent)
Why, you have accent whereas you speack english in your text?
Yes, my phone will just randomly add them. Or rather, I think it’s deciding to use a French word instead of an English one spelled identically otherwise (e.g. réaction instead of reaction). I occasionally write enough French that my phone seems to think I might do so at any moment—even in the middle of an entirely English sentence!
Deadass my exact thoughts. It takes a LOT more mental effort to drive a car, than it does to do algebra homework and work at subway or McDonalds. Completely hypocritical for a parent to say they are looking out for their kids best interests by them prioritizing school because they are so mentally incapable of juggling both, yet let them drive a motor vehicle??
This is an excellent point! If OP knows their daughter has issues holding a job why force Casey to make Alana drive Casey's car that she saved up for with her own money.
Exactly!!! This was my question as well. If someone is so afflicted they can't work, then why do they need a car to drive anywhere? Driving is a privilege. OPs daughter worked hard to get herself a nice car.she earned that privilege. While younger sister did not.
I feel bad for Casey. Op says he needs to look out for ALL his children ... And yet the only one he's looking out for currently is alana.
OP is the asshole. My son (15) doesn’t have an adhd diagnosis, but certainly has learning difficulties. His older sister (18 next month) has a vehicle, she is paying off from us. I would not even come close to coercing her to let him driver her car. I will consider him learning to drive at some point in the future, but not now at 16. He’s driven snowmobile and quad and a tractor and gaiter that our friends have. He’s been cautious and responsible and respectful with them to this point. But it’s the added factor of driving amongst other road users that has me concerned and taking instructions and criticisms from a teacher/instructor during the learning process. He is less likely to take responsibility for his actions should something happen. Long winded to say, OP probably knows some of these same things about A, but chooses to overlook it and absolutely C has the right to be furious and set her boundaries. OP should have known the accident was a strong possibility before this all went down.
Agreed. We have 3 teens we have not allowed to get a drivers license because they aren’t responsible enough. They are all adhd to the point of walking away from stove and forgetting it’s on. No way we are letting them drive.
Those are two different things. ADHD people can drive just fine, idk what you think ADHD is. If she's struggling at school which is normal unmedicated then getting a job after school would suck. The problem is she's not medicated and OP is a moron.
As someone with ADHD, it absolutely does impact driving, and the consequences for zoning out/being impulsive while driving are far more serious than for schoolwork. In Australia it's a declarable condition if it's deemed severe enough by a medical professional. Mine's on the milder side and was/is heavily masked/compensated for by anxiety and autism, but it still affects my driving, hence why it's taken me a decade to work towards my full licence.
It really depends on severity. I teach high School kids and have had several with severe ADHD, and the thought of them driving js slightly alarming.
I have it too, but an PI, so the impulsivity and hyperactivity isn't such an issue. I'd wager I'm a safer driver than the majority of people. My approach is to just accept defeat before even starting. People drive recklessly imo because they think 2 minutes will make a difference to their lives. I just sit there and listen to a book, and it takes as long as it takes. The book helps keep my brain happy so I can pay attention to the road.
It's only other drivers doing stupid sh*t that have ever been cause for alarm. Worst I do on the regular is miss an exit or a turn and have to take a detour.
But some kids you can tell they're just not going to pass the test. But they should have some other transport support provided to them IMO to make up for it.
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u/I_ship_it07 6d ago
If she had à so severe ADHD that she suck at school and can't apparently work why did you let her drive?
YTA good for your daughter to not bend, there is clearly à favorite and it's clearly not her.