r/TwoHotTakes • u/Sea-Interview-410 • 1d ago
AITA for not wanting to talk to my husband after being at a school that was threatened? Advice Needed
comes with an update, still not sure how to work reddit.
hi everyone i apologize for the long post. i (22f) have been with my husband (24m) for 3 years, married for 2. we have two beautiful babies (2f & 1m). some background, we are both ex military and trying to find a new life balance. i took a job doing school photography, and i enjoy it for the most part but it does require a lot of traveling. my husband has had a few jobs but it doesn’t ever work out because i make more and there is no one to watch our babies during the day so it was decided that ill work for the time being and he’ll stay home and watch the babies. flash forward to today… i was out of town for work at a school with 4 other photographers (it was a massive school k-12th) our start time was at 7:30am and by the time 9am hit the gym was PACKED with kids. one of the photographers really pissed off a kid and what was said back and forth is still unclear but i did hear the kid say “don’t make me put a cap in yo ass” and that’s when everything went wild! the cops were called, school was placed on lock down and the kid was escorted out in cuffs. the photographer was sent home for safety reasons leaving 3 of us to take care of an army of kids. around 12 my husband calls me to do him a favor and i said i couldn’t as i was so busy. he then calls me an asshole and i explain that we had a threat earlier in the day and now im having to make up time and extremely busy. he went on to complain about how the kids were being difficult by not sleeping, throwing his pouches away, crying and even shitting on the carpet.i understand that the kids can be difficult but it’s not like i was not wanting to help him just because. i felt myself getting really mad and to avoid saying something i don’t mean i just said “im done talking now” and didn’t respond to him after. is he being insensitive or am i an asshole?
Edit: I’m not really sure how to edit but i wanna give context as to what the favor was. he was calling to ask if i could call the walmart by our house (i had the number on the online grocery order) and tell them he was outside ready to pick up the grocery order. my grandmother visits with them when i have to be out of town and she was there today as well. she’s in her 60s im not sure why he needed me to do that he could’ve just used google and looked up the number. or he could’ve asked her to call or asked her to pick the groceries up.
update: i’m really bad with starting things so im just gonna get right to everything that has happened since this morning. also thanks everyone for your advice.
First all of the stuff you might not care about…all of the photographs are A-OK. we ended up doing about 480 kids each give or take. so i’m beat. the kid who made the threat was an 11th grader and it was later confirmed he had a firearm in his car. from my coworkers pov she had asked him to remove his mask for a picture and he refused- we are told not hats and no masks in ID pictures but you can order the one with the hat or mask on- so she turned him away. he later came back and did the same thing, this time she offered to take two pictures one with and one without. he got mad and she got mad and the rest is history.
i did eventually talk to my husband but he was wanting an apology for not helping him when he was in need. i told him that i understand that he was overwhelmed but in fact did not need me to do him a favor. especially one that he is fully capable of doing himself as a grown adult. i asked what was really going on. he broke down! said he had missed me (i’ve been gone since sunday night and gone till thursday evening) and has been under a lot of stress with the kids, the house, my grandma, the chores and me being gone was kind of a breaking point. he admitted to wanting attention and went on to apologize. he said he was worried about me and what had happened and thanked me for not blowing up as that would’ve made things worse.
i love my husband very much. i don’t think this is divorce worthy. shit happens… literally. (thanks for that comment, had me cackling)we’ve had our share of fights and arguments but ultimately talk through things. we’ve been in couples counseling ever since we started talking about marriage and no doubt this will probably be brought up in this weeks session. i understand this job can be very hard for everyone. i miss my babies and my husband a lot.
the job thing-he’s had jobs that pay 15-20 hr and i stayed home. it just wasn’t realistic for a family of 4. with my job i make a whole lot more and can support us without living paycheck to paycheck. plus i travel on the companies dime and the rest goes to my family.
Pouches- I stand corrected, they were his drink pouches. the liquid iv ones, not nicotine pouches. i assumed when i shouldn’t have. my bad.
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u/Fun_Calendar7231 1d ago
No, NTA. It's totally valid to need space after a scary situation. Take care.
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u/electric29 1d ago
He calls you because he wants you to make a telephone call? Why didn't he just make the damn call?
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u/Odd_Seesaw_3451 1d ago
Or use the phone in his hands to Google it, or go to the Wal-Mart website!
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u/Educational_Poem2652 1d ago
It's on the damn signs in the parking spaces for grocery pick up!
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u/anonadvicewanted 1d ago
shit the one i use occasionally never answers that phone; they’ll only come out to people who alert them through the app. Last time i did pick up i had to get out of my car to flag a person down to get my order lol
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u/BakedMasa 1d ago
This has happened to me at Walmart before. The account was under my mom’s name. They wanted her to call and verify I was supposed to be picking up the order. OP doesn’t specify but it could have been something like this.
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u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot 1d ago
Then HE needs to be the one putting the grocery order in at Walmart. Because that’s what a competent stay at home parent does.
But what’s happening here, is OP is still responsible for everything, while he does fuck-all at home.
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u/BakedMasa 1d ago
They should definitely have the grocery and house accounts under the stay at home parent’s name.
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u/josie0114 1d ago
Oh, that makes a little bit more sense. I wonder if that was it. Every pick-up I've ever used has signs in the pick-up area telling you the number to call! It really shouldn't involve a call to someone who is working.
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u/anonadvicewanted 1d ago
that can be avoided by using the option at the end of the order where you add the name of person picking up the order if it’s different than the account name
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u/AlpineLad1965 1d ago
"At 12 o'clock, my husband calls to do him a favor?" What did he think you could do when you were out of town working? Then, when he found out what had happened, he called you an AH. Your husband is a huge AH!
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u/Tight-Shift5706 1d ago
For sure. Does the baby need a nummy?????/s.
Jfc, you'd expect more from a teenager. OP, you have THREE children.
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u/Haploid-life 1d ago
Name calling and that level of disrespect is a huge indicator of future divorce.
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u/Oddly-Appeased 1d ago
Even if you had time to talk what did he think you could do? Yeah kids can be a handful but that’s life as a parent. If your husband can’t handle it alone it sounds like he needs to start looking for a job that he can manage and you stay home. Not sure what else he expects. NTA
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u/justreading4800 1d ago
NTA. If her doesn't understand that while you are with a client you can't stop and "do him a favor" than he doesn't respect you career. What really concerns me is him staying on his issues and not switching the conversation to if you are ok. Did you tell him the full story or just that the school was threatened?
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u/Armadillo_of_doom 1d ago
Agreed. Someone that doesn't immediately panic and start asking if you're ok? That's not a partner.
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u/Numerous_Adagio_8051 1d ago
Seriously my husband would of packed up the kids and headed my way just to put eyes on me
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u/StarByStar 1d ago
NTA. I have little respect for parent who cannot handle parenting their own kids. You shouldn’t bug a parter at work unless it’s an actual emergency. Things happen and parents get overwhelmed, but it’s not a reason to bother you at work and it is NEVER a good reason to call your partner an asshole.
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u/potato22blue 1d ago
Maybe take the kids and pets and move near your family so you have some support. Your husband doesn't sound very competent, not to mention he sounds selfish.
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u/Learned-Dr-T 1d ago
I’m sure the dude’s competent when he wants to be.
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u/indi50 1d ago
So you have a 24 year old husband who can't seem to hold down a job so is being a SAHP, but can't handle that either so is calling you at your work (out of town) to get you to make phone call that he could easily make. AND he has help already because your grandmother is there.
I'm all for men being SAH parents when it works out well for the family. But it sounds like in your case, it's because he doesn't want to work. Nor does he want to take care of the kids and can't manage it even WITH help.
You'd be better off getting rid of the husband and moving your grandmother in to be the nanny. At the very least - please stop having babies with this baby.
eta: I don't know what the threat at the school had to do with anything other than it made you more busy than normal, he shouldn't be calling for something so stupid in the first place. Even if it had been a normal, or even slow, day.
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u/PurrfectPinball 1d ago
So wait, why could he not call the Walmart? I am confused
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u/Armadillo_of_doom 1d ago
Probably because he would hate to be on hold and not be playing games on his phone and he doesn't want to listen to the automated menu.
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u/GargantuanGreenGoats 1d ago
He didn’t have the phone number and apparently doesn’t know how to look things up
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u/AmnesiA_sc 1d ago
Every Walmart I've ever seen has phone numbers posted at the parking spots you wait at. You just call that number, the sign right in front of the car gives you instructions. These posts always blow my mind revealing that this type of person is somehow in a relationship.
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u/Educational_Poem2652 1d ago
It's on the sign at the front of every parking space designated for grocery pick up
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u/ExcellentAd7790 1d ago
He was in the military and he's this pathetic and incompetent? Why are the kids shitting on the floor?! Is he not capable of calling Walmart himself? What, exactly, besides being a worthless caregiver, does he bring to this relationship? NTA. At all. Your husband should have been FREAKED OUT that there was a threat like that. Wow. Just wow.
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u/blizzardlizard666 1d ago
I can't imagine a woman who cares for the babies calling her male partner at work and asking for his help with a household issue which is solvable alone
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u/Pristine_Frame_2066 1d ago
Nta. Men are ridiculous. But two babies under 3 yo is hard for anyone. Do you have anyone he can meet up with for indoor tot play to wipe the babies out?
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u/Sea-Interview-410 1d ago
ugh i wish. we have family but they work during the day as well and no friends with kids :/
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u/slaemerstrakur 1d ago
He’s being insensitive. This coming from a man. If the roles were reversed he would get it. You’re NTA!!!
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u/No_Housing_1287 1d ago
All of his past jobs didn't work out, and now you know why. He's incompetent. NTA.
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u/Ok_Original_9063 1d ago
I dont think your marriage is going to work out. your husband is not happy you are not happy not a good sign.
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u/Sea-Interview-410 1d ago
Edit: I’m not really sure how to edit but i wanna give context as to what the favor was. he was calling to ask if i could call the walmart by our house and tell them he was outside ready to pick up the grocery order. my grandmother visits with them when i have to be out of town and she was there today as well. she’s in her 60s im not sure why he needed me to do that. he could’ve asked her to call or asked her to pick the groceries up.
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u/talbot1978 1d ago
So he called you, to ask you to call Walmart? Why didn’t he just call Walmart?
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u/Traditional_Slip750 1d ago
There’s a phone number on the signs for the pickup spots that calls a cell phone that’s in the back room with the people that work in the online grocery department for him to check in.
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u/SeesawIndividual9165 1d ago
He was sitting in the Walmart parking lot and called you, while you were working, to call Walmart to let them know that he was at Walmart to pick up the grocery order? Only you or grandma can call Walmart?
Ick
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u/Armadillo_of_doom 1d ago
He had a brick in his hand that contains the sum of all human intelligence and he couldn't find walmart's phone number?
So he interrupted YOUR work? Arguably could put your career in jeopardy if you have a hardass of a boss?
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u/more_like_guidelines 1d ago
I highly doubt he would have been okay with you calling him for the same, similar, or any other favor if the roles were reversed and he was the one working to make money.
We all need help sometimes, but he chose to establish some sort of power play over you - trying to demand you choose him and the children over work. Your husband should be ashamed. He is acting like a brat and not his age. People do not find incompetence attractive in their partners, nor do they find callousness and selfishness worthy attributes in their spouses.
He needs to apologize to you for his behavior. If he doubles down on his actions and attitude, then you have a husband problem on your hands. If he doesn’t like taking care of the kids now, he’ll be less pleased when he’s doing it single and as a co-parent.
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u/This_Acanthisitta832 1d ago
Wait…does Walmart not have a drive-up pick up service where you are? You don’t even need to get out of the car!
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u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot 1d ago
Your husband needed to put his big boy panties on, and call Walmart himself. That’s just fucking ridiculous.
The most he could have expected from you, is to text him the number. That’s it. Even then, that’s kinda pathetic. Is he not a fully functional adult?
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u/Far_Satisfaction_365 1d ago
NTA. You had a big scare & delay at a job site. You didn’t have time to talk. He chose to be a the stay at home dad while you bring in the paycheck so it’s HIS job to deal with all the crap the kids are doing.
Heck, my hubby would’ve gladly quit his job and been a SAHD if it were t for the fact that he had a better paying job and mine wouldn’t support a single income situation. But if I had been able to bring in the income, he would’ve been the one staying home with the kids while I worked instead of me staying home.
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u/MajorasKitten 1d ago
My husband would NEVER call me an asshole, no matter how pissed he was. And neither would I. Sad that he doesn’t respect you 😞
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u/Background_Recipe119 1d ago
NTA. I'm a teacher and a parent. Little kids are definitely a lot of work, especially the ages your children are at, and it can be stressful. But when comparing shitting on the carpet and pouch refusal to a potential school shooting and lock down situation, there is no comparison. Having been in a situation like that one time, plus the never ending fear, I'll take 50 kids shitting on the carpet in a coordinated effort hands down as it's not life or death. Your husband is being ridiculous and I would never put up with being called an asshole over something so minor.
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u/Ryn_AroundTheRoses 1d ago
NTA
There's no way you would be doing this to him if you were the sahp. And there's few husbands I know that would be okay with having a long chat in the middle of a work day and listening to their wives complain about pretty typical kid stuff while they had work to do, especially if it was hard labor. He managed to call you, he could've called the store, so he was being pretty inconsiderate and putting your job at risk by distracting you for no reason. Not to mention that he completely brushed over the dangerous situation you were put in because you didn't immediately cater to him and name-called you because he didn't get to claim the worst day prize. I know he was having a tough time, but he did everything wrong. If the roles were reversed, he wouldn't have had to hear about your day until he got home, where he would've received some sympathy for the situation you went through.
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u/Busy_Challenge1664 1d ago
Your husband sounds immature and disrespectful and you should never allow him to speak to you that way. Actually, you would never be with someone who would speak to you that way.
There is also some weaponized incompetence going on here. He can't work, but he also can't handle the kids, and he can't even make a phone call. He wants to frustrate you to the point you just do it all yourself.
Good luck with being married to this one.
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u/Either_Principle8827 1d ago
Try telling him again and he will be able to focus on what you are saying. I am hoping that was stressed out to the point that he didn't hear you correctly, then it hit him, and hopefully he apologized and asked f you were ok. NTA and hopefully he is not one.
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u/NeverRarelySometimes 1d ago
What does "throwing his pouches away" mean? It's probably not important to the story, but I don't know what this is.
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u/Sea-Interview-410 1d ago
like his zyn pouches. basically nicotine pouches
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u/Armadillo_of_doom 1d ago
Um. How could they throw them away? They're supposed to be kept out of the reach of children for safety reasons as they are highly toxic to kids.
So, if they could get at them, sounds pretty darn irresponsible to me. Like, I'm not going to lie, if these kids get sick and the hospital finds out its nicotine they WILL call CPS.5
u/GargantuanGreenGoats 1d ago
Holy fuck those poor kids. They should not have access to those, they are literal poison. You should be a lot more worried about this.
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u/NeverRarelySometimes 1d ago
OK, so he was in withdrawal. Hope things are better by the time you got home.
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u/wyldstallyns111 1d ago
Baby and toddler food sometimes comes in pouches the kid can suck on, that’s probably what they weren’t taking
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u/Armadillo_of_doom 1d ago
Parenting his own kids stressed him out so much that he forgot how to google a phone number?
He called you, to ask you, to call walmart, to tell them that he was outside waiting on a delivery.
He used his likely-smart phone, to call YOU, to ask you, to call them.
WHAT?
NTA
If he can't parent his kids for a single dang day, and needs a personal assistant, I'd go off.
Edit to add: And he didn't even ask if you were ok. Time for an upgrade this model is faulty.
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u/nononomayoo 1d ago
U guys had kids and got married so quick omg im sorry this situation seems terrible. He sounds insufferable. Not sure how he needs ur help and ur moms for this. Zero problem solving or communication skills.
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u/Dazzling-Pause765 1d ago
Does he want you to wipe his ass for him too? NTA, your husband turned into a Nancy over a phone number. 🙄 He's being ignorant on purpose.
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u/NJ2CAthrowaway 1d ago
He called you an asshole? And does he not have the Internet? He could have looked that up himself.
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u/Strawberry_Kitchen 1d ago
NTA. Beyond insensitive & frankly embarrassing for everyone involved that a grown man can’t use Google to find a business’ phone number.
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u/EricaWatson1254 20h ago
1st, I like that your updates are with your original post. Some others aren't, and you have to go back and reread the original... 2nd, you dealt with everything perfectly as well. You didn't lose your cool but reinforcement in the moment that you couldn't deal with him. He was being selfish. Obviously, now you know that more was going on than just Walmart phone number. Several of my friends that have stayed at home Dad's have a cleaning service come in to help out. Whether you're a man or woman, staying at home with babies is a hard job. I know that you specifically don't leave for long periods, but maybe the cleaning service can just help out when you are away. Also, you can take that burden away from your gram. Maybe Gram can do a few hours every other day to give him a small break. Also, try FaceTime (spicy) at night 😉 to relieve his missing you. Just a thought.
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u/IvyRose-53675-3578 1d ago
You are going to need to tell him the code is to text you RANT versus texting you ER, because you are at work, and you want to support him, but one of those your boss will let you drop everything for, and one thing he / she will NOT. And if you get a code rant, he is free to blast you five more texts or a voicemail, and you’ll call him back to sympathize about the babies as soon as possible… if your mother / his father or best friend is not able to sympathize first.
And you can remind him you love him and babies can be INCREDIBLY annoying, just look at the little brat who thinks he can go around threatening to shoot photographers with guns.
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u/Mission-Bet-5035 1d ago
Right. Because if a SAHM called her husband while at work and busy with a deadline, he’d be expected to drop everything and make sure she was taken care of. 🙄 give me a break.
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u/shimmertart 1d ago
I agree 100%. This seems to be a communication issue. It just sounds like hubby and OP both had hard days. I think hubby was just looking for some support and empathy, but has gone about it the wrong way.
This text code is a great way for hubby to think: a. “Is this an emergency?” or b. “Am I just having a bad day and need to reach out?”
Then when the day is over and the children are in bed, they can both debrief out their days and support each other 🩷
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Backup of the post's body: hi everyone i apologize for the long post. i (22f) have been with my husband (24m) for 3 years, married for 2. we have two beautiful babies (2f & 1m). some background, we are both ex military and trying to find a new life balance. i took a job doing school photography, and i enjoy it for the most part but it does require a lot of traveling. my husband has had a few jobs but it doesn’t ever work out because i make more and there is no one to watch our babies during the day so it was decided that ill work for the time being and he’ll stay home and watch the babies. flash forward to today… i was out of town for work at a school with 4 other photographers (it was a massive school k-12th) our start time was at 7:30am and by the time 9am hit the gym was PACKED with kids. one of the photographers really pissed off a kid and what was said back and forth is still unclear but i did hear the kid say “don’t make me put a cap in yo ass” and that’s when everything went wild! the cops were called, school was placed on lock down and the kid was escorted out in cuffs. the photographer was sent home for safety reasons leaving 3 of us to take care of an army of kids. around 12 my husband calls me to do him a favor and i said i couldn’t as i was so busy. he then calls me an asshole and i explain that we had a threat earlier in the day and now im having to make up time and extremely busy. he went on to complain about how the kids were being difficult by not sleeping, throwing his pouches away, crying and even shitting on the carpet.i understand that the kids can be difficult but it’s not like i was not wanting to help him just because. i felt myself getting really mad and to avoid saying something i don’t mean i just said “im done talking now” and didn’t respond to him after. is he being insensitive or am i an asshole?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Deep_Result_8369 1d ago
This is my advice: Get yourself a different handle for your family drama and then have an another one for whatever was that I read on a different thread? Holy cow!!!
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u/lerandomanon 1d ago
Why resort to name calling? I don't get that part. Is this normal behavior for him? If not, talk to him and understand what was going on in his mind at that time and why he felt the impulse to insult you like this. Be on the lookout for what comes next. If it is his inner jerk coming out slowly, take this as a warning sign. Also, make sure to tell him how not only was his behavior unreasonable but also was it hugely disrespectful.
Now, if this IS his regular behavior, you need to put a stop to this, because that is abusive and not acceptable. You ought to look out for yourself (and possibly your children - hard to say with conviction that he won't abuse them in the future).
Not wanting to talk to your husband is understandable in your situation, but actually not talking is not going to take your relationship anywhere. You are married. You aren't strangers passing by on the street. You'll have to take some step and do something. For how long will you not talk? So, do communicate once you are in the mental state to do so.
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u/faxmachine13 1d ago
NTA and regardless of anything that happened that day, you were working! And he wanted you to call a number he could’ve looked up and called himself? Plus all his complaints about not being able to handle the kids… smells like weaponized incompetence to me. And calling names is NEVER ok
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u/Educational_Poem2652 1d ago
NTA I'd have yelled at him that I'm not coming home until I've talked to a CRISIS WORKER
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u/Rusane22 1d ago
Tell him it’s time to act like a grown up. Honk the horn. Someone will come out. Pound on the door, or hey, another novel idea look it up online. If you can’t find the number, call the main line and have it transferred. Men really have a hard time problem solving. Not all men, don’t come at me. With the kids being a handful, they are kids. I’m sure he pooped places he shouldn’t have.
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u/maniacalllamas 16h ago
NTA. This is a fantastic example of weaponized incompetence and will only get worse from here since he clearly feels entitled.
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u/FyvLeisure 1d ago
NTA. Your husband is a lazy, ungrateful deadbeat. He isn’t really trying to find work, just relying on you to be his caretaker.
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u/cxt485 1d ago
You didn’t say if you texted him ‘ we have a situation escalating here. It could be dangerous. I’m sorry I can’t talk rn.
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u/Sea-Interview-410 1d ago
i didn’t text him while everything was going on. we were searched, evacuated, and questioned. in between all of that and then having to go right back to work i didn’t have very much time
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u/Spiritual_Oil_7411 1d ago
NTA He could have called the Walmart himself in the time it took to call you. Faster, even, he was sitting right there where the number is posted on every damn sign. I'm sure you don't have the Walmart number memorized.
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u/3Heathens_Mom 1d ago
Soooo at my Walmart the number to call when you arrive if you don’t check in online is on each sign in the pickup area.
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u/Vegetable-Schedule67 1d ago
This might just take the cake. And I read a lot of these AITA type things. What an absolute tool.
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u/Salty_Interview_5311 1d ago
Your husband is the AH here for not being able to cope with normal kid behavior. As you said, there was another adult handy to help out and he could easily have gotten the info himself.
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u/gaurddog 1d ago
Sounds like you're a single parent with a babysitter.
Why stay in that kind of relationship.
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u/Old-Equipment-1457 1h ago
Will not even try to read because this seems like just one long very very very horrendously long terribly long run on sentence. 😩 Difficult to read.
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u/Beagle-Mumma 1d ago
It sounds like you were both stuck in your own crappy situations and didn't have the capacity (in the moment) to hear each other.
Take a breath. Before you leave to head home, call your hubby and calmly explain. Let him also calmly explain. Hopefully if both of you can be heard by the other, the situation can resolve.
I'm sorry that huge drama happened at your job. I hope the photographers all supported each other (and you).
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u/TatsuakiOkamoto 1d ago
LMAO. My school got bomb threats called in on the regular. No big deal, because they're not credible. Dude got shot outside at the bus stop and most of us just continued our school day.
A kid saying he's gonna "pop a cap" is utter nonsense and I would have laughed him out of the building.
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u/brandysnacker 1d ago
Well, it doesn’t necessarily make sense for him to ask but in the time you were talking/arguing with him you probably could have just called for him. Being a stay at home parent can be super stressful too. Not saying you’re TA just offering a different perspective
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u/theAshleyRouge 1d ago
Hear me out, but I don’t think anyone is an asshole in this situation. You both experienced different situations that put you under a lot of stress in different ways and both of you felt what you were personally going through was more important. Stress and emotions were high and patience and communication was low. Neither of you were right or wrong, it just is what it is.
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 1d ago
He called her when she was out of town and WORKING, to call the Walmart because he was outside ready to pick up the order. That is next level incompetent. When she said she was too busy and why, he called her an AH. He did not ask if she was okay or anything. To think he is not the AH in this situation is quite scary.
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u/theAshleyRouge 1d ago
Where the hell did you see that? The only thing I see in her post is that the kids were being a handful and he needed a bit of backup, even if it was just over the phone.
Edited to add that I see the add-on from her now. That wasn’t there when I made my comment, so maybe instead of being rude, you could have simply pointed out the new information. I don’t get magically updated instantly.
Obviously that makes his behavior significantly less okay and makes him the asshole in this situation. Put your ego away and touch some grass
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u/Bleys69 1d ago
That's what I'm thinking. She probably had attitude because of the stress and he just didn't want to deal with it.
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u/Rare-Parsnip5838 1d ago
She was in a potentially dangerous situation that she had no control over. He was in a not untypical parenting situation that he lost control over. Big diffrence. She is not the AH. Actually neither is he. Hopefully they can calmly talk this over and understand each others position. This is in no way a thing to end a marriage. Shit happens. In this case for him literally. 😜 LOL.
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u/theAshleyRouge 1d ago
I’m sure they both did. It’s hard to be a stay at home parent as is, but when it seems everything is going wrong on top of it, it’s enough to break you down sometimes.
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u/everellie 1d ago
ESH. You both were dealing with what seemed to be a crisis for you. And neither of you had patience for your partner. You're both going to need to learn empathy even in the midst of a storm.
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u/In_The_News 1d ago
She's in another town. What's she going to do? Leave the job that's supporting both of them because he can't be a parent?? Really, what's she supposed to do? She doesn't have time to gab with her husband about how to put the baby down. That's his job. She needs to do her job.
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u/Rare-Parsnip5838 1d ago
The issue seems to be a grocery order. Don't know why he couldn't make that call. Trivial in the long run. Lets hope they can see it that way ? 😊
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u/Live-Tomorrow-4865 1d ago
I wonder how that amazing 🙄 stay at home dad would react if roles were reversed, she was at home with the kids having a rough morning, and called him at his (hypothetical) job. I guarantee, she would probably be treated with much less patience than she was with him. Oh, wait, she's a woman, that's supposed to come "naturally" to her.
Either he needs to deal with normal kid problems on his own, or find a job he can actually perform. She is busy being the breadwinner. If nobody is bleeding or on fire, it can wait.
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 1d ago
I had a husband like this. He would get irritated with me and tell me it’s what I signed up for. When I started working he did the same thing this guy used to do doing. Now he is my ex and I finally only have one kid.
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u/BakedMasa 1d ago
Additional information needed: did you order the Walmart stuff or did he? I’ve had bad experiences at Walmart when trying to pick up orders for my mom. They ask for the order number and screenshots to prove I’m supposed to be pickling up… is that the case here?
I know you went through a traumatic thing and that does suck but I think it’s valid to be a stay at home parent to two under two who is overwhelmed. I’ve seen posts about men out of town and their wives being home with kids and it seems like the wives get more empathy than your husband is getting here. It seems like you guys have a communication issue. He called you an asshole before you told him what happened. Maybe the lead off is hey this happened to me and I’m frazzled. Y’all both need to work on the communication and empathy. You also lacked empathy for him.
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u/Sea-Interview-410 1d ago
Hi! he was the one to place the order, but he placed it on my phone. he still took a screenshot and sent it to himself. we’ve done this before so we knew they’d ask for proof.
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u/BakedMasa 1d ago
He definitely should have handled that better then. You guys have a lot going on with two young kids he needs to be able to hold down the fort while you’re away.
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u/Dicktashi69 13h ago
Im so confused. Ive applied to numerous government jobs and can't bypassed by vets, even when im fully qualified. Im not understanding how he cant find employment, secondly let me know if you need help setting up a Bumble page, plenty of guys like single mothers
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u/Silly_Ad8488 1d ago
I’d say NAH. You both had a shitty day in your own reason. You were both on edge. A MIL isn’t exactly the most helpful person to have with young children. I’d say apologize when you both have cooled down, not for not doing it, but for the way you responded to him. He should apologize too.
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u/Blixburks 1d ago
You need daycare. It’s not a big deal. Hubby gets a job and you pay for daycare.
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u/Busy_Challenge1664 1d ago
Did you read where he can't hold down a job
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u/Blixburks 1d ago
Yeah but she said rather confusingly that his jobs don’t work out because she makes more. I dunno. Doesn’t make sense.
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u/Busy_Challenge1664 1d ago
His behavior in the rest of the post shows why he really can't keep a job
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u/Deanie1458 1d ago
22 and 24 and ex military?? What do they have one year sign-up now? And you have a one and two-year-old somethings not adding up.
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u/Sea-Interview-410 1d ago
what’s not adding up? i joined when i was 18, left when i was 22. did my 4 years and got out. my husband joined at 17, graduated early, parents signed for him and he went turned 18 when he got out of basic. did his 6 years and got out. anymore stupid questions?
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u/Temporary-Cloud8955 1d ago
Lmao. Yall won’t agree with this but I’m going to put it here. As a parent, it’s our job to take care of children. Mom AND dad. However, presenting a united front in front of the kids is best. Now, if they’re being difficult, it needs to be addressed, and the parent doing the caretaking has every right to ask for and receive assistance.
On the flip side…you married your spouse. For richer or poorer, sickness and in health. That being said, you two should communicate with each other about everything. You should be able to confide in each other and be able to trust each other. Shutting down after a non-credible threat isn’t right.
I think you both could benefit from some family and couples counseling to work out your differences. Sometimes it takes a third party listening to resolve as a mediator.
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