I told my husband I was leaving, but I didn't have things figured out yet, and he wasn't letting me take our 3 year old with me, even for a night, so I would go back to our apartment and sleep on the couch. (I know it was dumb. I should have had things figured out before I told him I was leaving, and I never should have gone back, I know) My final night there, my husband assaulted me. Due to fear, pain, recent violence, and my son still being there I didn't feel like I could leave until he had left for work. My (current) bf and I were talking and I told him as soon as it happened, I've always felt like her blamed me. This morning I told him that my chest had been making me uncomfortable. Basically, I was in my head that my boobs are just too easily accessible, whether that be from trauma, body dismorphia, wearing pjs that night before that were more revealing than I'm used to or whatever. I hadnt even brought up that night, all I said was maybe I need to wear bras that cover them up more. He said this to me. Sorry for the long post.

hi everyone i apologize for the long post. i (22f) have been with my husband (24m) for 3 years, married for 2. we have two beautiful babies (2f & 1m). some background, we are both ex military and trying to find a new life balance. i took a job doing school photography, and i enjoy it for the most part but it does require a lot of traveling. my husband has had a few jobs but it doesn’t ever work out because i make more and there is no one to watch our babies during the day so it was decided that ill work for the time being and he’ll stay home and watch the babies. flash forward to today… i was out of town for work at a school with 4 other photographers (it was a massive school k-12th) our start time was at 7:30am and by the time 9am hit the gym was PACKED with kids. one of the photographers really pissed off a kid and what was said back and forth is still unclear but i did hear the kid say “don’t make me put a cap in yo ass” and that’s when everything went wild! the cops were called, school was placed on lock down and the kid was escorted out in cuffs. the photographer was sent home for safety reasons leaving 3 of us to take care of an army of kids. around 12 my husband calls me to do him a favor and i said i couldn’t as i was so busy. he then calls me an asshole and i explain that we had a threat earlier in the day and now im having to make up time and extremely busy. he went on to complain about how the kids were being difficult by not sleeping, throwing his pouches away, crying and even shitting on the carpet.i understand that the kids can be difficult but it’s not like i was not wanting to help him just because. i felt myself getting really mad and to avoid saying something i don’t mean i just said “im done talking now” and didn’t respond to him after. is he being insensitive or am i an asshole?

Edit: I’m not really sure how to edit but i wanna give context as to what the favor was. he was calling to ask if i could call the walmart by our house (i had the number on the online grocery order) and tell them he was outside ready to pick up the grocery order. my grandmother visits with them when i have to be out of town and she was there today as well. she’s in her 60s im not sure why he needed me to do that he could’ve just used google and looked up the number. or he could’ve asked her to call or asked her to pick the groceries up.

 I (25F) am marrying my Fiancé (28M) in May and I am highly considering not inviting my mom to our wedding.

Let me give a little background. My mother and grandmother flew across the country to go wedding dress shopping with me, my friends and future MIL last February. Months leading up to this, I was calling my dad (my parents are divorced) explaining to him how nervous I was for my mom to join us dress shopping because she has a tendency to blow things up that are not going her way.

When she arrived with my grandmother, She seemed in great spirits. The first day of dress shopping, we had two appointments and I actually found my dress at the first shop. At the first appointment my mother kept trying to bring me princess cut dresses, but I explained to her that when scheduling the appointments I had filled out surveys and picked out dresses from their website to try on. I also explained that the dresses were nice, but I never imagined myself wearing a princess cut dress on my wedding day.

During the second appointment, I had felt like I had already found my dress so I gave in and tried on the dresses my mother wanted. A few of them she really liked, but once again I stated that I do not want to wear a princess cut dress to my wedding. I could tell she was getting frustrated, so I told her they had Mother of the Bride dresses there and she should try some on since I felt pretty committed to the dress at the last shop.

On the second day, my mom stated that she wanted to take my friends, grandma, MIL and I to a nice brunch before the last dress appointment. On our way to breakfast, the dress store called me saying they had double booked, but could get me in an hour earlier. So, I pivoted our breakfast plans to a little cafe close to the dress shop so we could still get a quick bite before the appointment.

Once arriving at the appointment, my mother pulled me aside while we were all walking in and said "I guess I will keep my F'ing mouth shut since nothing I say seems to be right" I calmly asked her what she was talking about and she said that I had "turned down every idea she had and that my behavior was an embarrassment in front of my future MIL". I asked my mom what I had specifically said as I was truly confused and upset as she knew I had been trying to make a good impression on my MIL. I apologized if I had made her feel that way as it was not my intention. She said that "this is a big day for her too and we couldn't even go to a nice brunch spot like she wanted."

I then walked into the dress store, tried on a dress and began to sob. I think people thought I was crying because I loved the dress, but I was upset because I felt like my mothers timing for yelling at me was intentional.

Fast forward to later that day, I had scheduled an appointment to pick up the dress I had found at the very first store from the day before. My friends had left and my mother, MIL and grandmother headed to the store. My mother sat on her phone in the dress store and did not look up once. Even when I said "yes to the dress". I began trying on veils and my MIL asked my mother's opinion and my mother said loudly "it doesn't matter what I think" and kept scrolling.

After buying my dress we met my fiancé for dinner and my mother kept making passive aggressive comments in conversation like "I am going to a nice brunch tomorrow since I haven't gotten to this whole trip" and "I am not going to say sorry for things I am not sorry for".

I had had it at this point. After dinner, I was silent in the car and we dropped her off at her airbnb with my grandmother. I blocked her on everything and cut her out.

I did not talk to my mom for about 7 months, even though my grandmother continuously tried to guilt trip me and told me that it was stressing her out which is bad for her health.

I reached out to my friends, grandmother and MIL after dress shopping asking if I had said anything mean or offensive during the time my mother was in town and none of them could think of a single conversation where I was rude.

During this time, I did a lot of reflection on my relationship with my mom and began to realize this was a repeating pattern. She had made me cry before prom, she made my graduation from high school and design school about her divorce, and made my cross country move about her. I reached out to family members back home and they told me stories about events I could not attend- baby showers, bridal showers, birthdays etc. and said my mother had blown up at those too.

Last week, I called my mom for the first time and she apologized for her timing when it came to yelling at me, but not for anything else. She then said that it was also her day that was ruined, as wedding dress shopping was also a big day for her and my grandmother.

I feel like I am in a lose lose situation here as I want to be able to enjoy my wedding and not have my mom blow up like she has at many occasions in the past, but I also feel like if I do not invite her she will hold it over my head for the rest of my life. AITA for not inviting my mom to my wedding?

My autistic classmate is ruining grad school for me, and I don’t know what to do.

I (24F) started grad school two months ago, and my class size is approximately 150 students. For the most part, everyone is really chill, laid back, and easy to get along with. I have enjoyed meeting everyone and am definitely starting to make some good friends. Although there are a few odd ducks in the bunch (as to be expected), there is one girl who has unfortunately become somewhat of a nuisance not just to myself, but to my classmates and professors as well.

This girl (22F) is autistic and very high on the spectrum. She is wicked smart, but she is also extremely socially awkward, doesn’t pick up on social cues at all, and most conversations that I have with her tend to go one way (ie. she will only talk about herself). She also tends to ramble and go on long tangents when talking, often not even related to the subject at hand. This happens particularly when speaking to professors, even when there are several other students waiting to ask questions before the next lecture starts. She has also done the same when talking to myself or other students, mostly while we are in the locker room changing for lab or going from class to class. She is also the only one in the women’s locker room who will go full bare chest when changing bras, making several of us uncomfortable. Although she means well overall, she is very exhausting, weird, and awkward. Nobody really wants to spend time with her or even interact with her for these reasons, and most people straight up don’t like her. We all understand why she is the way that she is, but her personality is not one that most of us care to interact with.

I noticed her struggling to make friends at the beginning of the year and did not want her to feel alone, so I began to make small talk with her here and there and would eat lunch with her a few days each week. Although she is not the kind of person I would typically chose to be a close friend, I did want to make her feel included and welcomed like others had done for me.

Well unfortunately, this has somewhat backfired on me. Because I was the only one who showed her any sort of kindness/friendliness, she has now LATCHED ON to me to the point where she will hardly leave my side from the moment I get to school to the moment I leave. She sits next to me in class, walks with me to and from classes, goes into the locker rooms (and even bathrooms) with me, goes to the same club meetings as me, eats lunch with me (or goes to study with me if I skip lunch), etc. It’s even worse recently because we have both joined a group of other classmates for game nights every Monday, but we are the only two females in a group of 10 people. I fear that my small gesture of kindness has now been mistaken for wanting to be her best friend.

This relationship has now started to affect my other friendships, which is why this has become so frustrating. For example, I will be talking with a group of my other friends, and then she will come out of nowhere and interject herself into the conversation. She will then start rambling about random stuff (as she does), thus taking the conversation in a completely different direction than where it was before. Because of that (and because of their general dislike for her), my friends will then walk away from the conversation, leaving just me and her. This happens nearly EVERY time. It has even affected times when I meet new people, speak with professors, or simply ask questions at the end of a lecture. She basically hijacks every situation to the point where it simply becomes a one-way conversation and nobody wants to stick around, and I am never left to finish a conversation organically, foster other relationships, or even finish what I had to say to professors/friends.

I don’t know what to do at this point. She is very sweet and she means well, but if things keep continuing the way that they are going, I fear that I won’t have any friends at school because nobody will want to associate with me while she is basically bound at my hip. I feel like I need to have a conversation with her, but because of her lack of social awareness, I don’t know how to navigate this without hurting her. I don’t even think she knows what she is doing or that there is even a problem. She is not good with taking criticism at all - just today she received minor suggestions and constructive criticism regarding her performance in a simulation, and she began sobbing and got really angry at herself over it. I fear how she will react if I tell her I need space (and lots of it), and simply want to be an acquaintance rather than a friend.

Considering we have four years of school left together (and our game nights), I could really use some advice on how to proceed forward without causing damage to her psyche or her confidence, but also while ensuring that I am able to get the full experience of meeting new people and making friends without the complication and hindrance that she has unintentionally burdened me with.

Everything has been changed. Looking for Advice. Sort of AITA. Writing this for a friend.-

I (34F) and my friend Mac(28F) were trying to get Taylor Swift tickets in August 2023. The week before we were getting tickets, I asked my sister if my niece(F11) wanted to go to the concert and even offered to buy her ticket for her. My sister was hesitant and didn’t know if my niece would want to go or enjoy the concert, so we left it on a "maybe."

When Mac and I logged into the Ticketmaster queue, she received 4 tickets and I received none. My other friends Te and Aspen had been on the phone with us trying to get us tickets, but none of them received tickets either. Now, when we were discussing getting tickets we had planned on $200 tickets for mid-level seats, but Mac was lucky enough to get front-row floor seats for about $550 each. Mac did not have any friends who wanted to go to the concert, so she gave me my ticket and the other two tickets to Te and Aspen which they paid her for.

I had not mentioned to my sister how I got the tickets, who was going, or the price and she had not asked about the tickets after they were bought. Then a few weeks later she called me telling me how excited my niece was to go to the concert. I panicked and just went along with everything until the call ended. Fast forward a few weeks and my mother starts telling all of my friends and family about how I am taking my niece to this concert (which I never told her.)

It is now a year and a month later and I do not know what to do about this ticket. I can buy a seat right next to us on the floor for $6,000 and no one would ever know that I didn't get the ticket, I can take one of Te or Aspen’s tickets and give them the money back and use their ticket, or I can just tell all my friends and family that there is no ticket.

What do I do? Is there another solution to this issue I haven't thought of? What would you do?

Note: I need to clarify some things I have seen in the comments.

- We could only buy 4 tickets per person and Mac was the only one who got the tickets before they sold out.

-This was posted to see what is the solution/best option, any advice or ideas are appreciated.

-Mac runs this account and will be answering all comments and giving advice to OP. If you need a name for her you can use "Hannah"

-I'm new at Reddit so I'm trying to edit this the best that I can to make sure I include things people ask about

Summary; he did some bulshit that made me not trust how he would parent or care for our child and there were incidents.

So here we go.

He had a supervised visit on Saturday. I gave him care instructions and he didn't really follow them. I told them no kissing the baby because it's RSV season and they did it in front of me then asked my step dad for his number. That was enough.

I told him I'm glad he's doing the classes for parenting, but he will not get unsupervised access until I am able to trust him. His actions are too unpredictable for me to be able to trust him and his parenting.

He even tried to tell me the baby didn't like blueberries which are her favorites, she just didn't want to eat them around anyone but me cause she went to town as soon as I got home.

So yeah, I'm not the asshole and I've made it clear that unsupervised access will not happen until I can trust him and honestly I don't know if I ever will. I just know he's aware now that this is the situation.

So a few weeks ago for reference, my boyfriend and I had gotten into an argument over my wallpaper. I drove over two hours to go and see him and visit him in school and when I came, he asked me why my wallpaper changed to a photo of my dad & i. We were not having any relationship issues, but he immediately shut down and thought something malicious was going on after I proceeded to explain that there were no issues. He agreed and decided to move on so this past weekend we hung out and he seen my screensaver being the same (not a picture of him anymore). Mind you we’re otp 24:7 texting all day everyday. And in the middle of us having a disagreement about my wallpaper, he decided to play Netflix while I was talking and also prior to the discussion about my wallpaper. We were having a serious conversation about how I felt about a different situation prior that was way more serve and it got brushed off. No more than two minutes later, he tapped my home screen just to ask why my wallpaper was my dad and I and kept calling it weird..

I also posted this in true off my chest, but I have been a member of the two hot takes community since about the 5th episode and have seen such wonderful support in this community so I figured why not post here. It’s long, forgive me for the ramble

I am 26 F and an RN. This post isn't much compared to things others go through, but I needed a chance to yell into a void so bear with me l am a little over a year in to my job, and I can't shake the feeling that I regret joining the healthcare field. There are days it's rewarding, but I work night shift in an NICU and feel like l'm missing out on life with the people around me. (I work most weekends and holidays) My parent had a typical "pull up from your bootstraps" kind of job where they worked so hard and found their way to the top of their field, and I envy that flexibility. I feel stuck, I get told I don't have enough experience to move around like I thought and was told I could. I am so unhappy with the money I make in relation with how much work I put in during the 12 hours and how much I sacrifice every day. I don't know what l would do besides this. I'm two degrees in, and I feel like I wasted my parents money on my education and all the hard work I put in over 6 years in my education would be for nothing if I don't stick it out. My partner will be out of their own schooling soon and we will have a dual income, but until then I just feel such immense pressure to stay afloat, earn money and insurance despite being so unhappy. I find myself fantasizing some meaningless 9-5 job but I don't know who would even hire me with how bad the job market is right now, especially for "beginner" nurses like myself. When I try imagine this as the rest of my life I panic, but I'm always the girl with a plan sold know what I would do if I wasn't this. I was just conditioned that I was smart and empathic so l should join the healthcare field, but I wasn't smart enough to be a doctor so here I am. I don't know who to talk to or what to do. I'm not sure what posting will do but it feels nice to write out my feelings. But for now l'm getting ready to go back into work and I gotta keep my head down and keep at it for now I guess. Thanks for letting me rant and I wish everyone a wonderful night

This memory pops up every time I have to give a high five. Back in 2001 I was in the first grade with a young teacher that would get frustrated with my autism and ADD. I wasn't the perfect student but I wasn't a bad kid either, just looked out the window a lot and had a big imagination. Throughout the year the teacher became more harsh towards me. One day she asked the class a question and I got it correct. She came up and asked for a high five, but for some reason I had a bad gut feeling. She hadn't had asked anyone else for a high five. I just looked at her as she asked me to give her a high five again. Very gently I patted her hand with a little high five. She told me I need to do it harder and give a real high five. Still feeling nervous I gave her a high five with more force like she asked. Then she glared at me, got in my face, and screamed for me to go out into the hall.

As I walked to the hall I heard her say "Class, we NEVER smack the teachers hand." I should have known better as a small child I was being set up and to this day still have not forgotten this. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

So I (32M) and my best friend (34M) have been friends for about 8 years now and there has been some history between us. I’ve hardly the sense that he liked me, but I didn’t like him like that at all. I never entertained anything like that, we were just really good friends, but years ago when I had a bf at the time, my best friend confessed his feelings to me trying to get with me. I didn’t know how to take it at the time because I didn’t have feelings for him at all. I told him he’s like a brother and made it clear I don’t like him like that.

Fast forward to this year, we go to pride and we’re out celebrating at a club. I was trying to watch my drinking by only having beer and no shots because I tend to black out easily. Lo and behold, I still end up blacking out.

This is where my friend’s character comes into question and tbh I can’t trust him anymore. So, I blacked out while we were still at the club and I don’t remember anything afterwards. Apparently he told our mutual friend about what happened but he never told me anything about it. From that story, he said I got drunk and threw up and some even got on my friend. That we went back to the hotel and we decided to do a massage trade and we just hung out. Super weird to do a massage trade with your friend that is clearly fucked up. The real creepy shit is that after our mutual friend told me about what happened… I checked ny phone just to see if anything was on there and I happened to have taken some pictures accidentally around 5:30am and they were accidental because of the angle and shot but you can clearly see we were just in our underwear but he was really close and in one pic he was touching my feet…

How do I end the friendship? I’ve been ghosting him for like 2 months now but he still texts me and I just ignore.

I (F 25) just finished my last university exam, and I texted my grade to my sister (F 27) and my girlfriend while I wanted to wait for my mom to get back from work so I could call her and share the good news. Unfortunately, when my mom got home, she asked my sister how my exam went, and my sister told her my grade. This isn’t the first time my sister has shared my news instead of me. For example, when I came out to her and my mom, she went and asked my dad if he knew I was gay, essentially outing me to him and she once told me my friends were planning a surprise party for me. I don’t think she does it on purpose, it’s just how she is, she can’t keep things to herself or she doesn’t think before speaking. In this case, though, I’m wondering if I was wrong to get mad at her because she was just answering my mom’s question, and I didn’t explicitly tell her not to share it. But I expected her to consider that maybe I hadn’t told my mom yet because I wanted to tell her in person or by calling. I think she could’ve told her it went well without revealing the exact grade. I feel like she stole the joy of telling my mom the good news myself. So AITA for getting mad at my sister because she told my mom about my final university grade?

Hello everyone I'm writing this because I feel so beaten down and just need some support. A little backstory I didn't grow up with big dogs and have always been kind of scared of them. My boyfriend (32M) has a pit bull mix who is about two and she is really sweet and I actually grew to like her. But he mentioned getting another dog, which I told him I didn't like the idea of because of how uncomfortable I am around big dogs and figured his dog and my cat were enough. We don't live together but is something we have talked about doing. Well tonight he took me to meet the dog and I told him I still wasn't up for it but he ended up taking the dog home. I basically cried the whole way back feeling like he didn't care what I wanted or was comfortable with. We both agreed we wanted different things in life and it was best to split up. This past month has been hard hard. My step dad was killed by police about 4 weeks ago obviously things have just been really heavy. I only have 1 solid friend I see. Losing my boyfriend just feels like the icing on the cake, although there were a few incapabilities he was supportive and the person I see the most and helped me look at the brighter side. Life is just hard. Any and all advice is welcome.

Hi! Big fan of the podcast! I am posting on behalf of my boyfriend and his friend group. Basically My boyfriend ( 27 M) has a friend group of 10 guys. We and a few of the other guys are located in GA, near and in Atlanta for the most part. About half of the group is located outside of Ga, we're talking, Indiana, Virginia etc, FAR ya know.

These guys have been friends for years and they are all pretty close. Since the group is so spread out they make a point to see each other each year, usually around New Years. One of the friends, we will call him, Ryan, has taken the role of "planner" for this annual ritual. They usually host the gathering at his place each year since he is closer to the city so its just easier logistically.

Each year this gathering gets pretty "wild" for their standards. Its the only time they all get together each year. Just imagine 10 guy bffs chadding it up for a few days once a year. Since its also during the holiday season they also always do a secret Santa and normally get each other gag gifts, and the gag gifts aren't for the weak... lol

They have started planning for their annual bro fest already and Ryan informed the group that he will be bringing his long term girlfriend (who they have all met and have no issues with) and all of her friends as well. While the boys have no real issues with the gf or her friends, this is the one time of the year they all get to see each other and let loose and have fun with their long term friends. They let Ryan know that they would prefer to just have two separate events, one with the gf's friends and one without, that way they can really let their masculine hair down.

Ryan is not having this. Ryan claims he wants to spend time with both his gf and his boys on New Years, but his gf does not want to feel isolated within the group of guys (which I 1000% understand) so his solution is to have his gf invite all of her friends, whom none of the boys have met ever, to their intimate annual gathering of the gang. Ryan has also mentioned that gf feels left out each year when the group has their gathering and does want to be included this year.

This is not flying for the boys, they have suggested hosting a separate event just for them on a different date, they are not demanding Ryan to hang out with them on New Years. But Ryan is insisting it must be done this way because he refuses to do extra work just because his friends do not feel comfortable letting loose and to be honest, shit faced, in front of a bunch of people they have never met.

My boyfriend tells me him and a few of the other guys have discussed getting an Airbnb this year since part of the issue is, the gathering is usually hosted at Ryan's place each year but his place isn't really big enough to host 10+ people plus multiple vehicles so an Airbnb would work better anyways and it would mean the guys are not imposing on Ryan's home. They have not brought it up to him just yet. Ryan has gotten really defensive about including all of his gf's friends in on this event and now there is concern that the friend group may split up over this.

In short, the boys want to keep their annual gathering intimate with just them for at least one full day, as they do every year. They are fine with spending time with Ryan's gf's friend group on another day while they are all still in town but Ryan is almost unwilling to compromise.

To add my own two cents as a girlfriend of one of the guys in this friend group, this is not a gathering any girl really wants to go to..... they can have their special bro fest while I doom scroll at home with Netflix, but that's just me.

To preface, my fiancé and I have had some differences on family. His family is very tight because he is an only child and really the only family they have. They talk multiple times a day whether to say hi or talk about their day. His parents are big on quality time with him as they don’t really have any other friends or family. It makes things hard because we have a large social schedule. He’ll typically go see them if I have a GNO or he’ll pass by after work since we live 5 minutes from them. Now, I come from divorced parents, and I have an older sibling — I do see them all several times a month. My parents are extremely supportive and provided a simple and fun childhood for me. They are by no means perfect, but they did all the right things as parents overall. There’s some trauma in my upbringing. Mom was emotionally abusive (she’s apologized, made changes, and I’ve gone to therapy to help me get through it). Dad is emotionally unavailable (still working on this one but I’ve kind of learned to live with it). I’ve done a lot of healing and my fiancé has been extremely supportive. For the most part… he has rubbed his parents being “more supportive and provide more” in my face and it hurt me. He did apologize and has never said anything remotely close since. That was in the middle of our relationship when we moved in together (probably year 3 or 4, we’ve been dating for 6 almost 7 years, engaged 6 months). Overall, I’d say we have a really solid foundation. We discuss things that bother us, and work on ourselves to make our relationship stronger. Our different upbringing/family dynamic is really our biggest challenge.

Bring on the birthday plans. His dad’s birthday is coming up and we went out to dinner with his parents to celebrate. We’re celebrating a bit more on the actual day by ordering in food and hanging out at their place. What bothers me is that for my mom’s or my birthday, we will celebrate with the entire family, my fiancés parents included. One year, his parents tried to celebrate my birthday on our own but I kindly said I’m doing something with everyone including my family. Everything was fine. Everyone was happy which made me happy. It’s always a nice time having the family together as it is our new family once we’re married.

I later brought this issue up to my fiancé. I told him I found it rude that his parents don’t even think about inviting my family (my dad lives farther away so he’s never really involved in this as he wouldn’t be able to make it anyway). My fiancé said “This is how things have been for my family. We would celebrate my birthdays with both of my grandparents but for my mom’s or dad’s, it would be with their respective parents.” — He had both of his grandparents that lived 30 minutes to 3 hours away, so he was able to spend birthdays with them. My grandparents lived in their homelands so I only saw them together for my dad’s military retirement ceremony and my quinceañera. We had this conversation last year. We kind of left it at that and I haven’t really thought about it since. His dad’s birthday celebration has made me rethink the situation as I kind of take this personal. I don’t know if it’s all in my head or I’m triggered into thinking it’s not okay for them to do this as someone will feel excluded which is not a kind feeling. I’m having a hard time understanding this. Is this okay? Should I just brush it off and not worry about it? Or should I bring it up again?

EDIT: I’m not going to respond to anymore comments because they’re getting kind of repetitive. I appreciate everyone who has commented and given their opinions. It has opened my mind a lot more.

I wanted to add we are both Hispanic and grew up in a Hispanic community where normally both families have the same style of social lives. Nonetheless, I’m definitely grateful for my in-laws and all they do for me. I will move forward in a more positive direction to understand that families (regardless of background and upbringing) are different and that’s okay! My family likes events one way, and his family likes events another. Totally fine! I can see where the differences are, and after reading your comments, it doesn’t really bother me anymore. I think I just took this topic a bit too personal (as most of you made very clear). I’m tearing up writing this because it’s taken me so long to understand this, and what everyone commented truly opened my mind. I’m happy with my partner and our families are great as individuals in more intimate events, or in a group setting with both families involved. Thanks again to everyone that commented!

I (21F) had a friend (Ashley 22F) in elementary school. Our friendship was up and down but for the most part we were pretty good friends when we were out in classes together. I used to go to her house occasionally and her mom would take us on fun little day trips. As we transitioned to middle school, we didn’t talk much anymore. We remained cordial but didn’t hangout or have any classes together at all. I hung out my friend group and she hung out with hers.

In most of classes in middle school, was Liam (22M). We got along very well, would always poke fun at eachother and banter back and forth. We had the same sense of humor so it was easy for us to talk. There was some flirting (middle school flirting) but it never went anywhere. We stayed good friends from 7-8th grade but once we moved on to highschool we didn’t talk much since we didn’t have any classes together and I was busy with sports.

We all graduate highschool and we each go to seperate colleges. I haven’t spoken to Ashley in a years. I see on Instagram that she started to date Liam and while I was surprised, I didn’t really care since I hadn’t had a relationship or spoken to either of them in a long time.

That was 2023 and in April of 2024 they broke up. I started going to a new gym in July and saw Liam there. We spoke for a bit and caught up with each others lives. He asked me to get some food with him after the gym so we went and sat at Chipotle and then walked around a nearby park for a couple hours just talking, neither of us noticing how much time had passed. I continued to see him regularly since we both went to the same gym and eventually a couple weeks later he asked me on a date. I said yes and the date went really well. We went on a few more dates and we’ve been dating since mid-August.

Now here is where Ashley comes in. I receive an Instagram dm from her starting with “hey girly, I know we haven’t spoken in a bit but I heard that your dating my ex. Is this true?”

I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t respond for a few hours but I eventually did and said yes. I told her that I hope it doesn’t cause any issues between us and that I thought it was okay since we hadn’t spoken in years and weren’t really friends anymore.

She starts going on a whole rant accusing me of being a home wrecker and stealing her boyfriend (they had been broken up for two months already). She’s going around to mutuals telling that I’m an asshole and a slut for taking “her man” especially since we were friends. She says that it’s against girl code.

My other friends say that maybe I should’ve just stayed away from him to avoid the drama but I genuinely didn’t know it would cause any. AITA?

For context, I (32f) live in Canada and best friend (29f) officially moved to Italy from Canada last year to be with the love of her life. She truly is my BEST best friend and I love her more than words can express. She’s stood by me and supported me during the hardest times of my life and is truly just a joy and blessing in my life. We joke that we’re platonic soul mates and our current partners are “the romantic loves of our lives”. She met her partner during her time as an Au pair in Italy in 2021 and they got legally married this past January so that she could stay in the country. He’s a wonderful man and treats her like a princess and I truly couldn’t have picked out a more perfect person for her. I could not attend the legal marriage ceremony because of the short notice so just immediate family attended, which she expressed was totally understandable and that she “didn’t expect anyone to be able to come, even family” because she’s aware of the time and cost of travelling to Italy. She’s having her wedding next summer in Italy and 120 people are invited, of which 80 are Canadians. At this point she has not asked anyone, including myself, to be in her bridal party. I’m not sure why that is but many years ago she said she would want me to be her maid of honour and I share the same sentiments about her if I was getting married. She has also referenced me making a speech at the reception, so I’m guessing she wants to ask in person and will do so when she’s back in Canada over the holidays? Idk. Anyway, this brings me to my issue. I’ve wanted to work in emergency services for a long time but I was born with very poor eye sight. I have seen the same ophthalmologist since I was 4 and deeply trust him having my best interests. I am not a candidate for laser eye surgery but I do have a VERY strong prescription and it corrects my vision to 20/20 when wearing contact lenses or glasses. Up until last year, the profession I wanted to go into prohibited hiring anyone who requires vision correction with contact lenses or glasses (an archaic practice from back when hard contact lenses were the only option). I only learned in March that the vision standards had been updated to include contact lenses as long as they correct your vision to 20/20 which means I now qualify for the job! I was so thrilled that I cried when my ophthalmologist filled out the paperwork stating I met the vision requirements. I’m miserable in my current job and NEED a change and I’m so excited that a dream I thought was not possible is now in reach. I’ve been preparing physically and getting the mountain of required documentation and testing completed to apply as fast as I can. Here’s the issue: the training for this job is 6 months long and you CANNOT miss anything. It’s Monday- Friday 8 hours a day with no time off. I knew someone who’s brother died while he was in training and he was given the option of being dismissed for one day to attend the funeral or dropping out of the class and having to restart when the next class was hired. So what this could mean is if I’m hired before July 2025, I would miss my best friends wedding (she’s getting married on a weekday so I couldn’t fly to Italy for a weekend). I’m really struggling with the decision. I’m turning 33 this year and I’d be putting my career on hold for almost another year for her wedding if I didn’t apply now. In the grand scheme of things, I know it’s just a year but there’s a lot of factors at play; I currently live with my mom - she separated from my dad a couple years ago and I was renting, living alone and working from home during the pandemic and it was doing a number on my mental health so my mom and I moved in together. We live more as roommates and it helps us both financially to share a house (and anyone in Canada knows how absolutely DIRE the housing market is here). I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we definitely see ourselves getting married and having a family one day. He owns a house and what’s holding me back from moving in is finances - my current area of work is notoriously low paying. In addition, to be able to afford to go to her wedding in italy, AND continue to save to move out, I would need to get a part time job on top of my current full time job. With regard to the new job I’m applying for there are “classes”. You start at 4th class and go up to first class over a 4 year period. For every class you go up you get a 10-15k raise. When you get to first class you receive a 6 figure salary. I would want to reach that salary before I had a child and went on maternity leave so considering that timeline, even if I got hired right now I’d be 37 before I had my first child. I truly don’t know what to do. Would I be the asshole if I applied and risked being hired immediately and miss my best friends wedding? Or do I put my dreams on hold and wait until after her wedding to apply?

Lets make this as comprehensive as possible.

We were friends for 6 years before we decided to turn our friendship in to a relationship. The relationship ended after 5 months because of a number of reasons and a few of them really hurt me.

• She was very friendly with her ex. Not a problem, but.. The ex never knew about us being a couple because she didn't find it necessary, yet she wanted to play games and call with him. I did ask if they could maybe chat a bit less if we were together because it didn't sit right with me, and she said that it was okay and that it would water down eventually anyway. It never did, even going as far as asking him if he wanted to see her apartment right before she would move out of the country (we were together almost 5 months at that point) which i spoke my concerns about and told her that i wasn't all that keen on her doing that with him, but that i couldn't and wouldn't stop her.
• She had an online male friend who already was causing issues in her relationship with said ex, but also with me, because appearantly he didn't understand no when she was together with her ex and obviously turned him down when he told her that he liked her, and did everything to be in her presence online. They were texting upwards of 200 messages a day (she let me read everything to assure me nothing was going on) didn't want to compromis on her texting behaviour when she was next to me, and when i discussed the issue for a few days she said i was jealous/insecure/controlling. Why? Because i started asking questions why she all of a sudden wanted to meet him. And that i was fine with it, but wanted her to be cautious. She told me i didn't trust her. Which i did, also told her that. But i loved her and wanted her to be cautious. He also never knew about us being a couple, and when she did tell him she didn't like my response "Oh what a relieve" and took it very personal and broke up with me after gaslighting me in to being jealous/insecure/controlling, and saying it made me look like her controlling ex. She went to him 2 days later.
• I was on TV once so i get recognized from time to time which is all fun. They are very short exchanges and people mostly just wanting to grab a selfie and have a quick chat. She didn't like that, she went as far as saying that people weren't genuine and that she felt anxious when we would go out because in her head people who recognize me would also in time associate her with me and therefore recognize her, ánd when i would get recognized we would lose "our anonymity" so that too created friction because at the end she never wanted to go out with me anymore and we never did anything outside of the house apart from visiting family.
• She told her colleagues she was "Seeing someone" after we were in a relationship for 4 months. Why? Because she didn't want those colleagues to know that she got in to a relationship with someone else so "soon" after she broke up with her ex because she didn't want people to think bad about her.

Now she therefore never validated me in the relationship as her partner, only to our families and my friends. She would tell me that i couldn't know certain things about relationships because she was my first one (eventhough afterwards i was right about many things) she did everything she told me her ex did to her. Gaslighting/manipulating/invalidating/keeping a secret, and thought that i didn't know and said that i was insecure.

I should've done things different in our relationship, maybe i shouldn't made such an issue about that friend ánd that ex, but i loved her, cared for her, and wanted her to be cautious. She was my first relationship and a friend of 6 years so i didn't want to lose that. Something she also found strange, that i was "afraid of losing her"

Anyway as a result of this i am now a total mess. I have a lot of issues with commitment, i have a lot of issues with trusting people. I'm afraid of going outside with friends and dates because i'm scared at how they are going to respond when i am being recognized. It made my anxiety spike up when i'm going out with people, because what if they also make an issue about it the way she did?

Now, nobody has ever made an issue out of me being recognized apart from her, but it has made it in to a big issue for me to date again. I'm currently seeing a very lovely woman, but i'm really scared of going outside with her because, what if i do get recognized and she also makes it into a problem making us talk about it for 30 minutes. (That's what my ex did, everytime i got recognized we talked about it in bed. As if that would solve anything)

I'm sure that she will read this, and obviously say that i'm the culprit in the story because of me asking her to talk to her ex and that online male orbiter friend less and that i'm terrible for posting this on Reddit. But yes, while i admit that this isn't the best thing in the world to do. It's also a good way of getting people their opinions who don't know us, so who don't have a coloured opinion. And, to be fair. It's difficult talking about it with someone who doesn't want to acknowledge her part in the break-up, and who doesn't acknowledge mistakes easily, and only blames others.

Because sure, i could've handled things better. But the way YOUR actions were, determined MY reactions. And you playing the victim while YOU were the one creating the issues by invalidating me, and keeping me a secret from that friend that you're now together with, and your ex. You KNEW that there was a chance i could get recognized on the street from time to time, yet you still pushed through. Yet you made an issue out of people staring at me and may-be coming up to me once or twice every time we went out. Which were very short interactions. But YOU let it get big in your head, let it ruin your day, let it ruin your time. And YOU blamed ME for it.

I sincerely hope that your "new found happiness" (as you called your boyfriend when we spoke, a week after we broke up) treats you the way you deserve to be treated. But if you two ever break-up and he falls back in to his habit of what he did to you when you were together with your ex before me, then please also understand that that was exactly the reason why your ex, and myself (also an ex) weren't too keen on you two talking. Because as an old Mick Jagger song says "Old Habits Die Hard"

Needed to get this off my chest, my goodness.

Bye.

Hi everyone. I apologize if this post is all over the place as I am filled with a lot of emotions and anger.

For some context, I (24F) didn't have the best relationship with my parents. My mother and father divorced when I was extremely young. Needless to say, they weren't very good co-parents. My mom was an alcoholic and my father did drugs. My aunt (Who wasn't my aunt by blood, but was my grandmas best friend) took care of me most the time when I would have to stay with my father. She would constantly make me feel loved and taken care of. She would always have fun activities planned for us to do together such as making bead bracelets and bead art, making other jewelry and painting. I loved being with her because there was never a dull moment.

When I was in fifth grade, my mom got clean and got full custody over me. We ended up moving towns and I never really saw my father again. It got extremely difficult to see my aunt but as I got older and could drive, I started seeing her more again.

Fast foward to 2021, my aunt passed away due to lung issues. I had not seen her in years because I was working and was dating my husband (25M) in 2020. I felt extremely guilty that I hadn't seen her in so long. Once I was told about the disease, I immediately went to see her in hospice. I went and saw her twice and the last day I saw her, she passed away holding my hand. I was extremely broken.

My aunts birthday is on September 15th, ever since she passed away I've always made her favorite flavored cake, sang happy birthday, and blown out candles for her. This is my way of showing appreciation and love for my aunt...but, my husband's sister's (12F) birthday is also on the same day. I love his sister and always spend the majority of the day with her. At the end of the night, I do go home to bake the cake for my aunt. This makes my husband furious. Anytime I ask him if he would like to join me, he always angrily declines and says his sister is more important. I totally understand and leave by myself.

He sent me a text saying "I'm not coming home tonight" and I respond "I love you, be safe." I wake up this morning to see all of his stuff from the apartment gone, along with a text saying "You are extremely selfish and leaving a 12 year old on her birthday for a dead person isn't okay. I will be contacting a divorce lawyer." I immediately started crying as my husband knew how much my aunts death impacted me. He also knew I would celebrate before even marrying me. I am more angry than sad right now that I let this man destroy my life over me wanting to bake a cake for my aunt.

The relationship never had any huge issues and yes, he would get annoyed every year but it was never to this extent. Needless to say, It's only been a few hours but I am okay with him wanting to divorce me, as I don't need to be with someone who can't accept me making a damn cake because I will not stop.

Hey there! Long time lurker, first time poster. This story is around a year old, but I was too nervous to post about it then, and I’ve decided that there couldn’t really possibly be any consequences to posting at this point. TW: sexual assault; mental health

My(25F) childhood best friend(25F), let’s call her Jane, got married last September. For context, we were practically family. We did everything together, and in high school she and her sisters ended up moving in with my family (her Mom passed when she was younger and her dad was abusive, disappeared, and their electric and water got shut off). She lived with us up until the summer that I was SA’d by her stepbrother (who was also my ex that had been living with my parents because he couldn’t afford housing at his college).

After the assault, she was the first person that I told because she was the only one to pick up (I called her last), and she also felt betrayed, supported me, and cut contact with him. Years passed, with time and distance we grew apart (especially with the stress of what her brother did), and Jane got engaged. Fortunately, I was unable to attend her engagement party, but I found out through photos that her brother was there. Obviously I didn’t blame Jane, no one who planned the party could have known, but I also hadn’t known prior to that that they had contact with one another again.

Despite our distance, I expected to be made a bridesmaid because I had never stopped considering us sisters and family. I found out through my mom that she wasn’t planning on asking me. I reached out to her to share that I understood, but I was also very hurt, especially considering the lack of communication when we had talked so very many times about each other’s wedding days. Through this conversation I expressed that in some ways I felt like she had chosen her step brother over me when he had been the one to ruin everything between all of us. I felt that I was just as much her family as he was, but she clearly didn’t seem to feel the same. She told me that he was likely going to be very visible at the wedding, and might even walk her down the aisle.

After that conversation, we talked about trying to be more intentional with one another. I made efforts to see her and plan in advance when I was going to be in town, but she was always too busy. She never reached out to tell me any further how visible her brother would be, and I was very anxious about being triggered by seeing him for the first time since the assault at the wedding. I was worried that it could trigger panic attacks that would cause a scene and pull focus, or even send me back into a depression.

After toiling over the decision for months, I ultimately decided to protect my peace and RSVP no with a short explanation attached with as positive a tone as possible so I would be as little burden as possible. She texted me that she was disappointed I wouldn’t be able to be there, and I apologized, but said that I would love to celebrate with her, her partner, and my partner privately as soon as we could. She told me that she wasn’t interested in coddling my pride with a private celebration. We ended up having a long, frank, text exchange where I explained that the combination of seeing her brother, not being a bridesmaid with her and my friends, and having to explain to confused guests why I wasn’t in the wedding party; that it was just too risky and overwhelming for me. I also mentioned that I didn’t want to risk pulling focus with panic attacks.

The conversation ended with her telling me that she felt like I was using my assault to make her feel guilty about not making me a bridesmaid. It is the most painful thing that anyone has ever said to me, but what hurt even more was that she thought I had become someone who was capable of something like that. So, AITA?

Edit for clarity: Expect may have been the wrong word. I didn’t actively place those expectations on to her, but I was surprised when I wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid (as were all of the bridesmaid who had a mutual friendship with us).

We grew apart, but we still had contact with each other. We talked every few months, saw each other several times a year, and exchanged Wordle scores everyday.

Edit 2: Full disclosure, I recently discovered two hot takes, and so part of reason I’m posting is because I thought it would be fun to be listening and hear my own write in. I don’t actively fixate or ruminate on this regularly, but it’s a sore spot I was curious for outside opinions on, and seemed like the kind of story I often hear Morgan reading on the show. Hey girlie!

So a long story short. I caught my my wife messaging a long time friend of hers, they went to uni and have been very close even before I first met my wife. She ended up blocking and not talking to him for a while! But recently I had a gut feeling when I kept on seeing the name pop up on Facebook!! So I went with my gut and again seen she's started messaging and talking again! But he's where I need advice.... acceptable or cheating if your wife is sending a bloke messages that end with "you'll always be my what If?" and multiple times they've both addressed the situation they got into last time. Hidden messages on instagram on another account with him muted And our new born child being a "spanner in the works!" I've got pictures of all the messages and just Need the right time! Guess I'll keep updating as well! Feel like I'm maybe overreacting What do I do? Do I say something or wait?

Just want to start by saying I love the podcast and I tried posting this in ask women advice but it kept getting deleted so I'm coming here for any thoughts from some women on this thread. I'm 38 years old. I spent my twenties helping my sister raise her kids and caring for sick family. Once I got into my thirties and was in a place of prioritizing myself and building a life for myself I decided that kids weren't in my future. I love kids and always thought I would be a mom, but I was in my thirties before I was able to live like most people do in their twenties and I didn't want to give up my independence. Also, from 33 to 37 I was in a toxic and abusive relationship, which I would have never brought a child into. For the past three and a half months I have been seeing a guy, who is a bit older than me, and it has been going great. He's kind and considerate and we have the best physical chemistry either of us have ever had. A couple weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. It wasn't planned. In 20 years I have never had a birth control failure so it wasn't even something I thought about. At first I thought I would just have an abortion. I found out when I was only about 5 weeks so very early on. Me and the guy had a conversation and for practical and rational reasons having a child does not make sense. However, as a couple weeks have passed and we have had several more conversations I tried to remove all emotion from the decision making. I even scheduled an appointment for this week at planned parenthood. However, this past weekend my heart has been screaming at me that I want this baby. A part of me has felt that way since I found out and I just tried to suppress it. I thought about moving forward and just thinking that I will be a single mom and then that way I don't go into it assuming he's going to stick around. I have a good job so I'm not worried about needing child support in order to support a child. I firmly believe a woman should have the right to choose what happens to her body. I volunteer for planned parenthood and strongly believe women deserve access to healthcare as well as no one should be forced into parenthood.

My question is, or where I'm seeking others thoughts are since I believe that no one should be forced into parenthood, when I know he does not want this child and his reasons are very valid and I understand them, and I don't negate that fact, but every bit of me wants this and I know it would break my heart to have an abortion. But is it right to take away his choice, even if I don't expect anything from him? Is it right to do that when I don't think women should be forced to? He's been great and he's said it's absolutely my decision and he hasn't tried to persuade me one way or the other, but he has very honestly shared his thoughts and he has a lot going on in caring for his mom, and he's a bit older , his reasons are valid and his feelings are valid but at the same time, I know it would kill me to end the pregnancy. But how do I bring his child into this world against his will?

Thanks for any thoughts or advice. If you're anti abortion keep your comments to yourself. I was raised in a very conservative, "pro life" household so I have seen both sides very thoroughly and do not care about your opinions.

Hi everyone, I know this may be silly but I would love to know people’s thoughts. My ex bfs birthday is approaching, and we were together for ~4.5 years. We broke up when I graduated college 2 years ago, and now live in different cities. This is the first year since I’ve known him that I’m in a relationship with someone else- my current bf and I have been official for about 6 months now. I’m wondering if it’s weird to text a “happy birthday” to him on his birthday or if it’s weird/disrespectful to do so? There are absolutely no feelings left for him and I wouldn’t carry on any conversation past that. We still kept in touch a bit before I started dating my current bf, but nothing more than a “how have you been?” every couple of months. I’ve known my ex for many years and still hope he’s doing well even though we’ve both moved on with our lives. So, what do you think- is it weird or normal to do this?

So the other day I (20M) went to my sister's (26F) house to celebrate her daughter's third birthday. My girlfriend (19F) wanted to come with me. She had never met my sister before and was excited to meet the rest of my family aside from my mum and dad. But I knew there would be a potential issue. My girlfriend has autism, and she likes to carry around a stuffed animal with her named Mandy. She's not intellectually disabled (I think if you gave us an IQ test she'd score higher than me, honestly) but she does have some quirks with which I try to be as accommodating as I can. She likes to carry Mandy around with her in public, and I've never had an issue with that.

But I told her that she shouldn't bring Mandy to my sister's house. I suspected that if my niece (who again, is a three year old girl) saw Mandy, she was going to think it's hers, want it, and then get upset when she's told she can't have it. I explained to my girlfriend how this could cause a potential issue, and I didn't want my niece crying on her birthday. She said she understood but that my sister should explain to my niece that she can't have it because it belongs to her (she's an only child and has limited experience with young kids, and I don't think she realises you can't really reason with a child of that age like that).

So I then texted my sister and tried to explain that my girlfriend was going to bring a stuffed animal with her, but that it wasn't a present for my niece and she wouldn't be allowed to play with it, and that the present we were getting for her was going to be a Barbie playset that was wrapped up. My sister was very understanding and non-judgemental about the whole thing and said she'd keep it in mind.

So on the day we arrive and when my niece sees my sister holding Mandy, she immediately wants it. My girlfriend says "Sorry, but no". She looks to her mum (my sister), presumably thinking she would give her a different answer, but she tries to redirect her to the present we brought for her. My niece has a meltdown. My girlfriend isn't good with kids or loud noises so she starts having a meltdown too, which then creates a bit of a feedback loop where they're setting each other off. Keep in mind that both my family and my brother-in-law's family are at the party and are watching this unfold. I take my girlfriend outside to calm her down a bit, to which she finally agrees to leave Mandy in the car for the rest of the day. We come back inside and my sister has finished calming down my niece. The rest of the day was more than a little bit awkward. My sister's father-in-law made a comment that infuriated me about how he didn't know there were going to be two toddlers at the party but I didn't say anything (in hindsight I regret not confronting him over this).

When we got home I told my girlfriend that I was mad at her for upsetting my niece, that I told her I knew this was going to happen if she brought Mandy with her, and that she embarrassed herself in front of my family. She said that I and my sister didn't do enough to stick up for her and that my niece needed to learn that other people's things aren't hers. Now she's giving me the cold shoulder and I'm not sure if I should have handled things differently. AITA?

EDIT: Clarified that the FIL is my sister's.

Hello I love the Two Hot Takes podcast and I know this isn’t really the place to post this, but I don’t really know where else to post about this. It’s going to be a little off-topic so sorry about that. Anyways I’m trying to figure out if this website is legit or not because they have a product that I want to get on the website but I can’t tell if it’s legit because there’s almost nothing on the Internet about it other than the website and a Facebook Facebook page and the Facebook page has zero reviews. I know this isn’t the post that normally goes up on here, but I’m generally just stumped on where to ask for help and then I remember what was telling about the Two Hot Takes community? How they are super useful and how they helped Lauren with her dental problem so I’m seeking help here. The website it called Source Authentics they sell band movie and sports memorabilia