r/GenZ • u/flaming_burrito_ 2000 • 1d ago
GenZ women: Please don’t use dating apps like a game Rant
This is not an attack on women or anything, I’m just asking for some empathy on behalf of men. This is something that I have witnessed a lot of women do for fun, that I think they don’t realize feels pretty mean from the other perspective.
I have mostly female friends, and they are comfortable enough around me that I sort of become “one of the girls”, and they’ll often talk about dating and men around me. No problem at all. Where I get uncomfortable is when they pull up their dating apps (usually Tinder) and start swiping through. I wouldn’t have a problem with this, but several of my friends I have seen do this admit that they are just doing it for fun and either won’t message any of these people back, or will mess with people that message them. Not gonna lie, watching them say “Ew” or giggle as they scroll through totally normal looking and sometimes above average guys is super demoralizing.
I’d say I’m a pretty average looking dude, I already know I don’t stand out much, and seeing the dehumanization of these dating apps in real time made me want to give up on them completely. I don’t think some of you realize how bleak the situation is for the average dude on a dating app. The male and female experience are extremely different. For most women it’s like fishing with a massive trawling net, and for men it’s like fishing in the middle of the ocean with a single flimsy $10 rod.
And look, I understand y’all have to pick through a lot of trash guys who will swipe on literally anything, I’ve seen it firsthand. And I’d be happy to laugh at the stupid messages y’all get, all I’m asking is for some consideration about the other side of things. I’m quite sure you would feel objectified and self conscious if you saw a man doing the same. Also, I’m sure there are plenty of men that do it as well, and this message is the same for them.
Edit: Just to clear something up, my friends are very rarely mean-spirited. I wouldn’t be friends with them if they were. That’s why it’s such a surprise to me that they do this, and why I think there is a genuine disconnect here with these dating apps, because I know these aren’t bad people. And I’ve seen multiple unrelated women do this before, which makes me think it’s fairly common behavior, and that adds a whole other societal/cultural aspect to it.
Edit 2: People commenting any variation of “men deserve it” or “all women suck” are both missing the point. Just treat everyone like a human, and stop excusing shitty behavior because you’ve been hurt in the past.
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u/Fuzzy_Chard_6874 1d ago
Tbh the women who do this are probably not on r/genz or reddit. Also it'd probably be a lot more effective/brave to just tell your friends what they're doing is hurtful/bm.
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u/sunder1and 1d ago
I was thinking the same thing; you wanna advocate for men you gotta check your friends on their behavior. Tbh that's gonna be the extent of your influence and it's more impactful that posting on Reddit.
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u/RighteousSmooya 1998 1d ago
Idk man this post has almost 500 upvotes in only 5 hours. And sure a lot of those are men, but that’s still a lot of people seeing this message. And I think it’s a good message to spread.
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u/drtapp39 1d ago
Just to get called a misogynist sadly
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u/UnceremoniousWaste 1d ago
Why do you care? I check my women friends on their bs all the time. They’ll respect you more for it. Especially when so many guys treat them like their gods gift to the earth.
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u/MoronEngineer 1d ago
He’s not going to do that because most people are afraid of confronting women when they’re behaving poorly in fear of ridicule-type of retribution.
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u/upsidedown12344 1d ago
I don’t think it’s just confronting women. I think it’s hard to confront any demographic that you don’t belong to when you are outnumbered. A woman in a room full of men, a man in a room full of women, a poor person in a room full of wealthy people, ect. It’s hard to be ganged up on.
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u/AspieAsshole 23h ago
A lone wealthy person in a room of poor people doesn't feel outnumbered until we pull out the guillotine.
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u/de_matkalainen 2000 1d ago
This is not just any women, but his literal friends. Huge difference.
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u/flaming_burrito_ 2000 1d ago
I wasn’t really sure where to post this is the thing. I figure younger women seem like they would be more likely to do this, so I posted it here. Women in their 30s and above don’t have time for the games as much
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u/ben_shep_ 1d ago
older women can be bad at this as well
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u/Epcplayer 1d ago
I was about to say… what do you think happens to men/women that play games in their 20’s? They play those similar games in their 30’s, just not getting the results or outcomes they want.
The guy selling a girl the world is making the same pitch he was 10 years ago, and the girl just out for a free meal is the one defiantly saying how “she’s different” and doesn’t do coffee/drink dates.
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u/SllortEvac 1d ago
I have a few female friends in their 30’s who date when they’re hungry or have existential crises. They got plenty of time for games.
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u/MagnumJimmy44 1d ago
True, I think they’re just less frequent on apps but the ones that are there are so bad about this. They’ve got a decade or more of baggage and self-esteem issues and they use the apps as a crutch to supplement their plummeting self esteem that comes with age and seeing all of their friends get married (friends who are telling them that the men are the problem which further spirals them into that mindset)
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u/NoRestDays94 1d ago
Bruh they like that at any age. I've known women in their 50s actin out like this.
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u/crabsnacksnaptrap 1d ago
Guaranteed if OP confronts his female friends who do this they will just get offended, ridicule and slander his reputation for being an “incel”, end the friendship without losing a minute of sleep and continue living in their self-absorbed bubble where responsibility and consequences can’t touch them
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u/Adorable-Bobcat-2238 1d ago
Because women that do this aren't emotionally mature. So ya they'll act like this.
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u/crabsnacksnaptrap 1d ago
Exactly. They’re narcissists at best, misandrists at worst, dumb as shit either way, and not worth correcting or being friends with at all.
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u/Able-Distribution 1d ago
"I guarantee that these women I've never met will behave a certain way. God, it's make me so mad imagining the awful way that they'll behave!"
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u/Full_Breakfast5266 1d ago
And the issue is definitely specifically women. Men famously behave with only pure intentions on dating apps 🫠
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u/Responsible_Ruin2310 1d ago
Understand that the ones doing it know it's hurtful, they just don't care. They take joy from it. Speaking from similar anecdotes here too. If OP tells them anything they'll get extremely defensive and probably be quite insulting towards him. No joke, being an AH is easy for a lot of people, no matter how close you are.
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u/theringsofthedragon 23h ago
Why is OP and you so misogynistically talking about "women doing this" when you bloody know men have always done the same thing?
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u/gracelyy 2004 1d ago
Sounds like you have some shitty friends, and you should tell them that what they're doing is shitty.
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u/CrankieKong 1d ago
Man up and say it bothers you. It will make girls/women more attracted to you, believe it or not.
If you need incentive beyond self-worth that is..
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u/DVariant 1d ago
“Man up” is a shitty phrase; let’s kill it. It shames men for not acting like somebody else’s definition of “man”.
But other than that, you’re exactly right. Asserting yourself and standing up for what’s good is super important.
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u/cogprimus 1d ago
I've switched to "toughen up".
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u/DVariant 1d ago
That’s much better. Same meaning without the man-hating
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u/Quick-Adeptness-2947 2002 15h ago
It's more woman- hating than man hating. That phrase is used to mean "man=tough, brave etc " and femininity=weakness, cowardice.
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u/flaming_burrito_ 2000 1d ago
The thing is they are great friends in every other aspect, this just seems to be a blind spot for them. It feels pretty normalized. I guess once you swipe through a hundred guys, you start to get desensitized to it
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u/Fuzzy_Chard_6874 1d ago
It's normalized because people like you don't tell them they're being dickheads.
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u/ZanaHoroa 1999 1d ago
Grow a spine and tell them it makes you uncomfortable.
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u/GenerativeAdversary 1d ago
It's easy to say this if you're not the one doing it. There's no downside for you, but plenty of potential downside for OP.
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u/ZanaHoroa 1999 1d ago
Idk why there are so many people like you. Have you ever had a minor conflict with anyone? 99% of the time, they will understand and respect your feelings especially if they're your friends.
But sure let him be miserable instead of communicating like a normal human being. That's so much better. The sooner people learn to cut off toxicity in their lives the happier people will be.
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u/Commissar_Elmo 2004 1d ago
What world are you living in where 99% of people understand and respect your feelings? I’d win the lottery before someone did that to me.
Edit: this is some of the worst advice I’ve ever heard.
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u/GenerativeAdversary 1d ago
Just because his friends do one thing he doesn't like, those friends are now "toxic" people he needs to "cut off" since they're making him "miserable"?
That's a lot of strong assumptions. OP already stated in the comment above that he likes his friends most of the time, but this is one "blindspot" that he doesn't appreciate.
You ALWAYS have to pick your battles on what you raise a concern over. There is NEVER a case where two people see everything exactly identically. Some disagreements are worth confronting your friends over, but not all are worth that. You always have to weigh that, lest you become a miserable wretch to be around.
Idk if you've been around someone who is super disagreeable with everything, but if you have, you should realize that approach has its own problems too.
I don't understand all the people on reddit who always suggest to cut off your friends, end your relationships because of one small difference. Every two people have some inevitable conflicts and that's ok. Not all differences are "end the relationship" worthy. Sounds like this is one of those differences that isn't worth ending the friendships over.
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u/flaming_burrito_ 2000 1d ago
Ive never been on the receiving end of the classic “cut off your partner/friend/family” Reddit response, but it’s interesting for sure. These people must have a lot of friends or they are very bitter, because I would never dump my friends over something like this. I don’t have many as it is! Also, I think this is way more common than people here realize.
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u/CallMeOaksie 1d ago
- 99% of the time, they will understand and respect your feelings if you’re a woman and they’re men
FTFY
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u/SecretInfluencer 1d ago
Then he gets called an incel and loses all of his friends.
Shitty people will use shitty accusations to shame you into shutting up. Would you rather be silent and miserable or everyone thinking you’re an incel because you called out a woman’s bad behavior.
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u/scolipeeeeed 1d ago
Then good riddance I say. There are plenty of women who find this kind of behavior to be toxic and could get along with OP
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u/SecretInfluencer 1d ago
Women like that don’t stay silent or with eachother. They’ll spread it, and in his community he’ll be the incel who can’t handle when women reject men. Thats not something one can easily overcome.
Worse if they’re in a college or job together; enclosed community makes it 10x harder.
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u/ZanaHoroa 1999 1d ago
🙄 have you ever talked to a woman in your life? What is this caricature of a woman in your head?
Worst case scenario is they stop being friends with him. If they feel like they can't be friends with him because of this, then they weren't good friends to begin with.
He even said they are good friends in every other aspect.
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u/Wa-da-ta-mybaby-te 1d ago
You're jumping on people for being scared to communicate with women while being abrasive to communicate with...
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u/Pooplamouse Gen X 1d ago
No, the worst case scenario is they’ll “laugh at him” - Margaret Atwood
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u/MFlazybone 1d ago
Does it make you feel better to call strangers spjneless?
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u/SecretInfluencer 1d ago
No instead she takes people who said “shitty women do shitty things” as “women are evil” and declare you a misogynist as a result.
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u/breathingweapon 1d ago
This must be one of the richest statements I've ever heard, imagine telling a woman this lmao
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u/FenizSnowvalor 1999 1d ago
I am not sure whether he made his friends aware or not about his feelings regarding these kind of behaviours but that isn‘t the point of his post anyways. The point of his post is to increase the awareness for these kind of behaviour by offering the perspective of a man who can relate/understand this issue first hand.
Its similar to when Women make men aware how strangers offering to help them carry heavy bags outside a market can make women uncomfortable and thus decline a genuinely friendly meant offer. So I do indeed think this Post is valid on not just a case of „not enough spine“ to talk openly about that.
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u/WittyProfile 1997 1d ago
Maybe you should just share your perspective on it. Share how it feels from the other side. If they care about you, they’ll keep that in mind.
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u/Celedhros 1d ago
More likely, human nature being what it is, they’ll just stop doing it in front of him, but continue when he’s not there.
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u/flaming_burrito_ 2000 1d ago
Reasonable advice. Maybe if it comes up again, it would be weird to just bring it up out of the blue
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u/These_Comfortable_83 1d ago
Reddit has to make it all or nothing otherwise how will they gaslight you?
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u/Casanova_Fran 1d ago
I had a great friend once, every aspect was awesome. Except he was rude to homeless people.
Hes not my friend anymore
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u/8BitFurther 1d ago
No many women do this. Most conventionally attractive women i’d argue. If not on dating apps certainly in DMs and other places where ever men are willing to supply “unwanted” attention, a woman will be willing to utilize that to fuel their ego. To say otherwise is to infantilize women
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u/throwstuffok 1d ago
Sounds like he needs to do what feminists have been telling men to do for decades.
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u/Character_Unit_9521 1d ago
men can also help themselves by staying off the dating apps.
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u/FrostByte_62 1d ago
Too many thirsty and pathetic men.
Why do girls put their venmo on their cars? Because they know thirsty and pathetic men will pay them merely to exist.
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u/Smooth-Operation4018 1d ago
We need open season on these simp motherfuckers
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u/Rich_Growth8 1d ago
Honestly. There's nothing more disgusting than a man who simps for a woman who doesn't even care for his existence.
Those fuckers need to be bullied.
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u/Summer_Tea 1d ago
LOL this is actually a thing? That's taking passive income to a whole new level.
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u/ISitOnGnomes 1d ago edited 18h ago
As a bi guy, i can attest that there are a lot of weird guys out there. I understand why so many women despise dating apps. There will be 100 dudes that put in zero effort and just sent boring one or two word messages or dick pics, but since they spam Every. Single. Account. It makes it seem like everyone on the app is that way. Its easy to start feeling like everyone else are one of those depraved meatsacks and slip into treating everyone like they arent worthy of respect.
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u/GenerativeAdversary 1d ago
Yep, people have to realize this is part of the reality of exposing oneself to these types of people.
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u/RichNigerianBanker 1d ago
Disagree; the apps can be useful for sure — if you treat them like a tool and can maintain at least a partially thick skin.
A dating app will give many if not most men a crash course in rejection, whatever your stage in life. If you can ride that wave you might get fortunate and actually make some meaningful connections.
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u/zoug25 1998 1d ago
Bro I'm sorry to tell you this but it shoulda been obvious by now: these are shitty people. If you had male friends going through a list of women calling them names and deriding them on their appearance as a pass time I know you would instantly see that I'm right here
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u/travelerfromabroad 1d ago
Men do this too though, tbf
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u/LikesTrees 1d ago
Shitty men do it, good men don't. It would be extremely frowned upon by the guys in my friend group if a guy was doing this to women. Women have more social cover to do it at the moment but posts like OP's help move the needle slightly. Hopefully one day we get to a place of mutual respect all round.
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u/travelerfromabroad 1d ago
It would be extremely frowned upon in my friend group as well, but this type of stuff has been called Locker Room Talk for decades and it still exists today.
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u/SpookyBum 1d ago
Eh, this is pretty normalized. My female friends do same shit, and honestly I've done it with my bro who gets a ton of matches. It's the tinder equivalent of people watching, it's just fun to observe random people. The insults aren't that deep it's just 4fun and it's not like we're ever actually talking to them.
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u/zoug25 1998 1d ago
If you're a teen/child then sure, ya dont know better. Otherwise this is just not good shit
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u/Bastago 2002 1d ago
I have seen 29-30 yo women do this. They call it "playing tinder". This is not as rare as you think it is.
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u/sentimentalhygi3ne 1d ago
This is just one reason we should stop using dating apps and learn to socialize properly again.
To be fair, I know a married couple who met on Bumble. So I cannot say in good faith that it can’t happen.
But the apps are first and foremost moneymaking ventures for the companies that own them; swiping as a concept is incredibly game-like and therefore easy to treat as a game, while online dating itself carries certain risks that are avoided if one just treats it like a game. They are a fundamentally poor way to meet people and a contributor to our generation’s problematic dating culture.
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u/flaming_burrito_ 2000 1d ago
I agree 100%. I think our generation has gotten way too used to communicating in a remote depersonalized way, and COVID really kicked it into hyperdrive. We need more places where people can just exist and feel community without having to spend money
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u/Zed_Blue 1999 1d ago
That's quite the wishful thinking. Dating apps are here to stay.
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u/OutrageousAd8880 2000 1d ago
Pretty much. /r/GenZ is such a tiny population that due to discussions with hundreds of upvotes, inflate their beliefs and think the vast majority of GenZ think like they do.
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u/Emotional-Chipmunk70 1d ago
OLD is less creepy, and OLD has less restrictions than cold approaching.Now if every woman was not creeped out by cold approaching. And if it were acceptable to cold approach a woman in any scenario, I would delete all dating Apps. But the reality is that a lot of women are turned off by cold approaching. And it’s creepy to cold approach a woman in many day to day activities.
And if you suggest joining clubs or starting hobbies, that is even more laborious and less efficient than cold approaching.
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u/Scienceandpony 1d ago
The clubs and hobbies advice is also super disingenuous because now you're the creep who joined the class just to find a date and has to pretend like he gives a single shit about pottery or swing dancing and is fooling absolutely nobody. It's super rude to invade other people's hobby spaces just to hit on folks. And if you genuinely liked or had an interest in X activity, you'd probably already be in that community.
The concept of having a space where everyone entering has the explicit goal of finding a date is a great idea in theory. It's just the realities of the algorithms and prodit driven virtual platform and the persistent problem of how to screen creeps that makes it a hellscape in practice. But it's still probably better than just walking up to strangers in bars.
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u/Throwawayamanager 1d ago
And if you suggest joining clubs or starting hobbies, that is even more laborious and less efficient than cold approaching
Uh, what? In a club/hobby, you already have something in common. Friends (or acquaintances) dating is a tale as old as time and seems to have a higher success rate than cold approaching.
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u/breadstick_bitch 1d ago
Dating apps allow you to find compatible people outside of your social circle and are an absolute godsend for homebodies. I rarely go out and prefer to hang out with my friends at one of our houses; the bar scene just isn't for me. My husband is the same way. Were it not for dating apps, we never would have met each other.
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u/Top_Repair6670 1d ago
With all due respect, you’re a woman, so your input in regards to dating is quite literally worthless as a data point.
If you’re a woman on a dating app, you have no reason why you wouldn’t be able to find someone to pair with, out of everyone. The ratio of men to women on these apps has been calculated as 10:1, you were in no danger of missing out on having a partner through dating apps to begin with.
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u/robz9 1d ago
Exactly.
The amount of comments being thankful for dating apps are almost exclusively from women.
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u/getzerolikes 1d ago
Seriously I’ve had several dates and multiple relationships thanks to apps. And I would NEVER just try and start talking to a stranger in a bar or in public, so they’re still useful for many people. So many people have zero patience though, which is what finding success with apps takes. That and half a personality.
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u/ValidDuck 1d ago
i'm not sure your experience aligns with that of most men on the platform and as such should likely be taken with a grain of salt.
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u/zhouvial 1d ago edited 1d ago
This. The girls in the OP are using Tinder in the exact way it was designed to be used, it’s a terrible way to meet people.
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u/ControlOk8832 1d ago
Problem is that most socialization now falls under “creepy” or “harassment”. Essentially forcing people to use these apps
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u/sentimentalhygi3ne 1d ago
I think people have that perception from spending too much time on the internet. People are naturally social animals and will not mind conversation in most contexts (a good rule of thumb is whether they have headphones on), and most people will be flattered by being asked for their number or on a date so long as the asker is respectful. You can even ask them straight up if they’d like to talk. If they say no, just wish them a nice day and get on with your own. It just requires a little confidence and a little situational awareness—neither of which are likely to come from judging the online profiles of others or having your own judged by them.
We could all do with touching some grass. The world can be scary, but it’s not nearly as scary as life on the internet has made us think it is.
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u/slam_joetry 1d ago
Right now I'm trying to go out and make friends, and the internet has me scared that everyone's gonna think I'm some kind of creep or something. When most of your perception of society comes from chronically-online doomers, it can be easy for things to seem negative and hopeless. Reading this gave me a little more confidence.
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u/NeitherLife7915 2001 1d ago
In all fairness I’ve seen way more men do this than women and I think you are just surrounding yourself with the wrong type of people
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u/Dfabulous_234 2001 1d ago
Nah I'm in college and a lot of women do use dating apps for fun. Most people I've met in relationships (including me) met their partner in person through shared interests, clubs, work, etc. It's not that the women who do it are bad people, I think they assume other people don't take Tinder seriously.
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u/raunchyrooster1 1d ago
Once you get older then 25, meeting new partners in public is insanely difficult
It’s easy in college when you are surrounded by similarly aged people doing activities 24/7
After 30? Rare to happen really
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u/IntrepidDifference84 1d ago
Literally once all your buddys wives/girlfriend run out of potential dating partners you gotta do the apps or old school style in the bars but that’s really not a place to find love.
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u/flaming_burrito_ 2000 1d ago
Right, I’m not suggesting that you are a bad person if you do this, I think most people are unaware because of how different the dating app experience is for men and women. I’m just trying to make people aware of the negative impact, but a lot of people here are going a little too hard.
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u/Sensitive-World7272 23h ago
“ but a lot of people here are going a little too hard”
Are you telling me you didn’t realize how many men hated women?
You seem a bit naive about things.
Women have been on the receiving end of men’s vile shit for as long back as we look. And now women are able to do the same thing (not instead of but along with men) and now it’s a problem because it’s men being hurt.
You seem like a thoughtful guy. I wish you’d take a step back and look at this with more context.
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u/hiisthisseattaken 1d ago
I think OP point isn’t that one gender doesn’t and not the other, more that it’s socially acceptable for women to do it than men. It’s the same as it being okay to consider men undateable for their height, but shallow for men to do the same to women based on weight. Equally shallow but viewed differently due to societal standards
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u/Helpful-Wolverine748 1d ago
Not true at all. It's socially acceptable for women to do it but not men.
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u/braidedbelief 1d ago
You are catching a lot of unnecessary shade for this post.
You're friends behaviors are amongst the norm in the current dating market. I have gone on many dates that ended up talking about online dating and 8/10 women are willing to show me the hall of fame cringe profiles and openly laugh about it.
I would be ridiculed if I did the same.
I will admit they generally never confided in me that they were messaging with the intent to mess with guys. But, these were people I did not know particularly well so it's hard to say if that means they actually didn't do it, or they just didn't tell me.
The reality is this hate towards men is socially acceptable. I don't know how or why and can't claim to know it just is.
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u/flaming_burrito_ 2000 1d ago
Yeah, a lot of people don’t seem to realize this is super common. Still sucks, but it’s not crazy. Also, to be fair to the girl that was trolling people, she made her account super obviously ridiculous, it’s just that a lot of men are so starved for choice they will literally swipe on any woman. It’s not like she was seriously stringing them along, all her answers were meant to drive reasonable people away
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u/DarkSide830 1d ago
Why is every post today about dating?
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u/ImpressivePaperCut 2000 1d ago
Cuz people on reddit don’t go outside and touch grass. They’re basement dwelling homebodies who want to order a bf/gf online like one orders a pizza and are shocked and appalled that normal people don’t take that kind of thing seriously lmaooo.
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u/BillionDollarBalls 1d ago edited 1d ago
Real. It's fucking exhausting giving the same advice ad nauseam. Touch grass, practice social skills, be consistent, step out of your comfort zone.
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u/HoonterOreo 2000 1d ago
Why is this sub just a place for dudes to go and complain about dating now. It was an interesting topic for a couple weeks but now it's all I see on here.
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u/flaming_burrito_ 2000 1d ago
Makes sense when you consider most Gen-Z is now late teens - early 20s. That is when people are trying to figure out dating the most
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u/ButterscotchTape55 1d ago
all I’m asking is for some consideration about the other side of things
Lmfao okay well newsflash, guys treat it like a game too. Plenty of them lie, they serial swipe on everyone without reading anything, and are just as quick to keep someone in dating app limbo because they have zero intention on meeting up. I once went on one date with a guy that took screenshots of women he thought were ugly and showed me "my competition". I've been told to my face on a date that my boobs weren't big enough but I was cute enough for it to slide. Don't act like guys don't pass judgement when dating. Also you're completely ignoring the widespread problem of assault and rape in modern dating. Maybe more women would feel inclined to go on more dates if our general safety and wellbeing weren't of such significant consideration
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u/radred609 1d ago
guys treat it like a game too.
Guys literally use the term "game" to describe dating/flirting lol
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u/ButterscotchTape55 22h ago
Seriously like why the fuck is this dweeb acting like this is all women's fault
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u/doorknobman 1996 1d ago
This isn’t exclusive to women lol
Y’all need to get your own shit together, seriously
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u/nephilim80 1d ago
He never said this is exclusive to women. Did you reas the whole thing at least? Apparently not.
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u/Rainbowdark96 1d ago
Women aren't even using dating apps a lot, i mean look at tinder stats. İn the Us over 70% tinder users are men.
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u/BillionDollarBalls 1d ago
Most of them are owned by 1 company match.com.
Most of them lean majority of men. With the women not using it, not nearly as often as men are. So active women user base is probably even less than 30%.
With a high male ratio more bad apples to spoil the bunch. When I go out with my female friends there are men approaching them why even use the apps Most of the time anyway..
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u/Sufficient-Beach880 1d ago
I mean as a woman once I got a boyfriend off Tinder I deleted my account. I think a lot of other girls do that as well. We use it to get what we need then delete it
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u/TheCrazyCatLazy Millennial 1d ago
Yeah man 10 years ago in grad school I saw girls openly saying they were dating on tinder for the free meals.
I never felt more disgusted at my gender. Its a thing to go on seeking.com, its a completely different thing to do that to people who are looking for connections.
Both men and women NEED to get off of the game and just treat others like… human beings; with kindness.
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u/throwawaygator99 1d ago
I had a friend that did this in college (I’m a girl) and it always made me uncomfortable when she did it. I’m an average (maybe slightly above average) looking gal. I normally find around 30-40% of the men on tinder attractive enough to date, and I swipe accordingly. My friend, however, would nitpick little tiny things about the men’s appearance that I was swiping on, and would tell me that I need to “raise my standards.”
I’m going to be honest, I think leagues are definitely a thing when it comes to dating, and I happen to think that men in my “league” are more than attractive enough to date. Honestly, most average-looking women can probably hook up with a 9 or a 10 if they wanted to, but it’s unlikely they’d get a 9 or a 10 to stay with them long-term. The issue with dating apps is that most men (even the 9s and 10s) need to swipe on a ton of girls to get any matches, so oftentimes when an average-looking girl matches with an extremely attractive guy, she’s led to believe she actually has the ability to date them. In the old days, when approaching in person was a thing, the ratio of guys to girls was more balanced, and men could be more picky about who they asked out. I can guarantee you that in the real world, most extremely attractive men wouldn’t bother approaching an average-looking woman. Unfortunately, the ratio of men to women on dating apps is so skewed that these men are forced to swipe on women they normally wouldn’t be interested in. I think this gives some women an over-inflated sense of their own desirability and number of options, which is unfortunate for both genders, as average-looking men are left in the dust, and average-looking women are inevitably let down when the 10 she slept with doesn’t want to date her.
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u/SiestaAnalyst 1d ago
Good thing you're a woman saying this, otherwise you'd be called the i word right away lmao
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u/throwawaygator99 1d ago
I’m definitely not saying that incels have a point. Again, as a woman, there are very specific qualities that some men have (personality-wise) that make them extremely attractive to women, and it’s not just “being nice.” Honestly, the men irl that attract the most women are guys who have a lot of platonic female friends. Oftentimes, these men are more emotionally intelligent than the average guy, and they tend to see women as intellectual equals. It also shows that they have the ability to have relationships with the opposite sex that aren’t centered around eventually dating them or sleeping with them.
Unfortunately, in my experience, these men are few and far between. Sadly, I think men in our society have been misled to believe that they need to be extremely physically attractive and well-accomplished in their careers to attract women, so they don’t tend to focus on actually learning about women’s points of view on things or becoming more selfless and caring people. That is not to say that they are bad people and incapable of developing those qualities, but they need to be encouraged more to do so. Having close female friends and strong female role models can greatly help with this.
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u/throwawaygator99 1d ago
I tend to agree with some of what you are saying. As a bisexual woman, I truly had a rough time on dating apps for women. Many women would message me, set up a date, and then cancel on me last minute. I also went on four dates with a girl, and she never offered to pay for my meal once (I paid for hers twice). I definitely did feel used, and it lowered my self-esteem quite a bit. However, most women definitely dislike it when men “trip over themselves for a crumb of a girl’s respect.” When they do that, it seems inauthentic, as again, we’re just people, nothing more, nothing less. It also reveals a lack of self-confidence, which again, is not entirely their fault (given what they experience on dating apps), but is still not an attractive quality to women.
I think both genders have their own respective issues here. I agree that women can’t have it both ways. In our modern economy, it is ridiculous and unrealistic to expect for a man to be a provider and pay for every meal. Things are just too expensive right now. I do think, however, that some men need to readjust their mindset surrounding what women want. Many men I’ve met seem to only talk about themselves on dates, talk down to me, or be selfish lovers. These are extremely unattractive qualities, and more men need to learn that these things are simply not okay. Both sexes need to try to understand each other better and come to some compromise regarding dating, otherwise this issue will persist.
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u/storvoc 1d ago
Stop being apologetic for calling out shitty behavior. Especially men are made to feel that if we speak up for ourselves it is wrong. Don't feel that way.
What they are doing is treating people like toys, literally. That is psychopathic behavior, I don't care what's between your legs.
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u/aita0022398 2001 1d ago
You need better friends. This was “acceptable” when we were 18, we are almost mid 20s. It’s about time to leave that childish behavior behind.
The reality is that they are shitty people and sometimes shitty people don’t change. So change who you hang out with
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u/ChrysMYO 1d ago
Proper disclosure: Unc aged millenial
The Dating App companies enable this phenomenon. It helps bump up their active user stats. As long as users stay on the hamster wheel, they are indifferent if consumers get a productive and gratifying experience.
Don't consider your dating success and chances equivalent to your dating success and chances on Tinder. People introduced thru mutual friends, in person, are going to be more humane to potential suitors.
People swiping on a gamified app, will look at every user as an NPC sprite.
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u/flaming_burrito_ 2000 1d ago
For sure, in person is the way to go. It just feels like there are less and less places to go to meet people, and young people’s social skills are deteriorating. These dating apps feel so gross and dehumanizing to me, I hate using them
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u/ChrysMYO 1d ago
I can definitely empathize, lost my job in the pandemic and entertainment prices are just crazy. Also deal with social anxiety. One thing I'm trying to do is connect with a friend or a friend group once a week. Just make a routine out of it. We might rotate to each other's apartment or meet at someone's house. Then in between get togethers we might have ideas for cheap meet ups.
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u/Jenniferinfl 1d ago
As long as they aren't messing with people on dating apps in terms of cruel messages or whatever, I don't see the harm.
I'm a woman, I used to get a ton of matches and most of those guys never responded to a message I sent. A lot of guys use the apps literally just matching with practically everyone, even people they aren't interested in and then they pick from who matches back.
It shouldn't be surprising that some women do the same thing.
Someone matching with you on an app isn't a contract for a date or anything, you just briefly landed in the maybe column that particular day.
People also swipe while inebriated.
I get guys even here on reddit messaging me at 2 am. That's not a logical person trying to form a relationship, that's just a dude killing time.
My suggestion? People need to take these apps a lot less seriously. If you are a guy shopping on the apps, do your swiping time for the day and move on. Don't check it all day. Set yourself one time a day when you go through and do your thing but otherwise just leave it alone. Don't get your hopes up on anything until you have actually met someone in person. Up until then, none of it matters. Get the dealbreaker questions out of the way before you meet in person. But, then meet as soon as possible so you know if there is any chemistry.
But man, don't get emotionally invested in interactions on the apps. I've had so many people match with me and then never respond.. lol
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u/examined_existence 1d ago edited 1d ago
Let’s be real many men do similar it’s just that we get judged more critically for doing it to women because men are perceived as the more powerful/intimidating sex. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a laugh with friends at some of the crazy stuff people put in their profiles though, not base on looks. There are a lot of men and women who are delusional and think they are all that when they’re really not. Is it possible they are saying ew to the profile instead of the persons appearance? A lot of ladies like to make fun of the “fishing pics” and I’m sure lots of men have goofy ass profiles. Same with women. If you post goofy shit you get clowned on. But if they’re just making fun of someone on looks alone I’d say they aren’t people you wanna hang with especially as an “average” guy who is being “one of the girls”
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u/Scienceandpony 1d ago
Yeah, just mocking someone's appearance is super shitty whether you're male or female. Mocking the unhinged essay they typed out in their bio is totally free game.
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u/pizza_toast102 1d ago
Messing with people is wrong but I don’t think “gamifying” it is anywhere near exclusive to women. My straight guy friends will also match with women that they don’t really have any intention of getting involved with, just as a “backup” in case none of their more preferred matches end up in anything
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u/No_Mud2576 2000 1d ago
They sound insecure. While it is totally to have for them to have their own standards, they shouldn’t sit there and make fun of people who dont measure up to them. Insecure people do that. Sounds like big ego problems.
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u/Maleficent-Action983 1d ago
I was a fat trans person on dating apps and I did just fine. Yall need to get a grip, having a vagina doesn’t immediately mean you’re “fishing with a massive trawling net”.
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u/RunningIntoBedlem 1d ago
That’s how men have talked about women since forever. Why are you mad now that the rabbit has the gun?
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u/flaming_burrito_ 2000 1d ago
It shouldn’t be ok just because men do it too, that’s hypocritical. Toxic behavior is toxic behavior
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u/RunningIntoBedlem 1d ago
How is it hypocrisy, I’m not complaining about either. That’s how those apps work, and until they find a way to have your personality show before your face, that’s how they are going to continue to work
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u/Miss-lnformation 1d ago
I won't stop until I get that fresh account 100 matches speedrun world record.
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u/elementfortyseven Gen X 1d ago
Im kinda torn on this.
on the one hand, yes, thats shitty behaviour, and you as their friends should have the courage and position to tell them so.
on the other hand, a wee part of me cannot but applaud that women are finally empowered enough to engage in the same shitty behaviour that men do since the dawn of time. maybe it takes a mirror to initiate change.
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u/AbortionIsSelfDefens 1d ago
I wouldn't hold your breath that it will make anybody reflect. When men get treated the same way men have treated others, they tend to think its unique, that other groups don't experience the equivalent.
Its shitty behavior and shouldn't be celebrated. OP should have told them they sucked.
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u/SalamanderWielder 1d ago
Brother, sorry to say but dating apps are a joke for guys. The ratio is probably 100:1.
If you’re a remotely attractive woman, you’ll have maxed out matches pending after a week.
You can’t expect equality when there aren’t an equal amount of people “playing the game”, especially when a majority of dudes on there are doing the same thing.
Your best bet on finding authenticity in the form of a relationship, is staying true to yourself, and being patient. It’s a lot easier then you think in real life if you just apply yourself and be confident.
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u/violxtea 1d ago
No one owes you a conversation just because you matched with them
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u/AnnastajiaBae 1999 1d ago
While yes, I agree with your post, I seriously need to correct this part:
For most women it’s like fishing with a massive trawling net, and for men it’s like fishing in the middle of the ocean with a single flimsy $10 rod.
I am a trans woman so I have experienced BOTH sides of dating apps. Pre-transition it was hard talking to women because they are inodiated with LOTS of men all trying to get their attention. Thus naturally the woman is going to talk with the guy that checks most of her boxes. Good looks stemming from good personal hygiene, fun to talk to, etc. Thus there isn't much men can do to stand out besides being good looking. This is why these apps are oversaturated with men.
Now after I came out as trans in 2019, I have used dating apps after passing and I see why women don't care at all about taking these apps seriously.
Most guys out of desperation, swipe right on everyone, so even if a woman DOES take the app seriously and a girl matches with a guy who spammed-right on her, he can still reject her if she doesn't check some of his boxes. Plus size women I talk to have faced this a lot. Not even ugly-chubby girls, just girls who like me are a size 14 and greater because of genetics -aka something they can't control. Thus a woman is still getting judged when the app is suppose to be designed to match people who are mutually interested in each other.
Because of the point above, most guys do not read bios. If a woman matches with a guy and he is interested, he will message her. I explicitly list in my bio that I am a trans woman, which I totally get isn't something most guys are attracted to. But even after matching (prob thru mass-swiping right) they do not read my bio still, and I have to confirm that they know I'm trans so I my safety doesn't get put at risk. 8 out of 10 guys will blow up at me, and dehumanize me all because their desperation for female attention makes them into shitty humans. And the 1/10 guys actually let me down easy saying they aren't interested in me, which hurts but I respect.
Of the 1/10 who are okay that I'm trans, only want to have sex with me because they consume trans porn and do not see me as anything other than a convenient fuck. I get some people just want hookups, but there is no decency or respect that I and many other women get when we try and take these apps seriously.
I'll be honest, cishet folks are extremely common and a lot of people especially in our generation do not know how to hold convos. Talking to some of the guys on those apps is like talking to a brick wall. Low effort responses, single word answers, very little excitement. I have limited experiences with cis women on dating apps admittedly, because even less cis women are into trans women than cis men are. Women also have low effort responses, but with the gender imparlances on these apps men are not doing nearly enough to make themselves stand out from one another.
The pretty girls, have no stake in these apps because they get attention IRL. Another hard pill to swallow for everybody. If you are conventionally attractive there is little reason to use these apps besides a low effort hookup. Thus anybody looking for a serious relationship has to sift through the horn dogs.
Most dating apps I just call heteronormative hell. The best success I have had in terms of finding and meeting REAL and GENUINE people, are on queer-oriented apps. Taimi (altho LOTs of baby trans on there), Grindr (altho lots of horny men who ignore boundaries), Feeld (altho more poly and ENM oriented). The best overall app I have found is OkCupid. It allows for more effort in bios, it gives questions that can weigh compatibilities, and there are features that allow you to actually be seen if you really like someone. It's also pretty full of progressive people in my area, so more likely to meet queer allies who share similar values to me.
With all of that said, Dating apps suck for everyone. The best way to find people, is to get out and socialize. Stop using the death of 3rd spaces as an excuse. They died in part because our generation is terminally online and we didn't value those spaces until they were taken by COVID. Some 3rd spaces remain, so find them and keep them in business. Get off apps like Tindr and Bumble. Let them go defunct because they no users. The real world is where you find people. Not mr or ms right, but an actual person who you have to put effort in to get to know them.
And yeah, this means men working on themselves in terms of hygiene, communication, and political views. IF you want to increase your dating pool, you gotta find the balance between being your authentic self and striving for self-improvement.
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u/tatertotty4 1d ago
men do this too, i think 25% of people on dating apps are already in relationships, and most people on dating apps are men so thats a lot of men swiping purely for validation. this isnt womens fault >.<
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u/Responsible-End7361 1d ago
The "ew" may not be because of the guys' looks. MAGA hat, Tate fan, lots of things guys can wear or mention that turn a good looking guy into toxic waste in 10 seconds.
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u/Professional_Map2334 2000 1d ago
Im a dude, and I do this exact same thing. I send the most diabolical messages because I find it hilarious. I've been perma-banned on most them. I take it as a gold medal.
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u/TheSquealerMan 1d ago
It's not exclusive to women. I have had male friends do this exact shit and worse.
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u/CanadianTimeWaster 1d ago
how many of these threads are we going to have?
your small group of friends is not large enough to represent a statistic. they do not represent women as a whole, but your thread is based on the assumption that they do.
When your friends are being gross, talk to them about it. if they're good friends, they'll do the same.
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u/AcademicOlives 1d ago
Why would you complain about dehumanization in the Dehumanization App.
Also, you are vastly overestimating the female experience on a dating app. It sucks just as much.
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u/JanaCinnamon 1997 1d ago edited 1d ago
I use dating apps like I use my fridge. I open it, browse and the more I see the less hungry I become so I just close it again to not waste too much energy.
EDIT: Just to clear any possible confusion, I'm sick of the people who think their looks are enough to get me to swipe whatever way is "interested". Put a darn bio in your profile.
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u/SaliferousStudios 1d ago
It's sad, but there are just.... very few girls on those apps. I know it.
You'd probably be better off joining a club. I'd suggest something like, book club, or hey! Go learn sewing! You'd at the least come out with the ability to fix your own sock, and I'd bet a bunch of girls would be there.
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u/Cieguh 1d ago
Idk, I mean...is it not a game? Don't get me wrong, I'm gay and not physically attractive, so very bottom of the barrel in regards to dating apps....but it's super hard to take any of it seriously. Meeting people online isn't the same as meeting people irl. People online aren't real, or at least can't be verified to be. It sucks you feel bad that they're messing with people online, but online dating is dumb and unserious, so why not treat it as such?
Girls also have a lot more at stake when it comes to dating. They're treated as a prize to win, but they're usually the ones that lose when they end up dating men.
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u/Dangerous-Initial-94 1d ago
You're taking it too personally. The women have the right idea, they have specific things that they're looking for and if they aren't there, they move on. They're trying to find the right match, and those who don't fit the description aren't being rejected, just not selected.
This is also how you should use apps. Be specific for what you actually want and don't try to be too broad or bland, it just leads to poor matches and awkward dates. Put down who you really are and actually are like.
I put down that I was an ADHD guy into comics and wrestling and met my soul mate, when nice pictures and an inoffensive blurb about enjoying walks and movies did nothing for me for years.
Stop being insecure, don't use these apps for validation, try to have fun and meet some cool people.
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u/evonthetrakk 1d ago edited 1d ago
Can I speak on this as a trans woman? I've always been a woman but I've been on both sides of things, hormonally speaking, and I like girls so I can say that I've been in your shoes, especially being "one of the girls" and seeing them making fun of guys.
One thing I can say that a lot of women don't really like dating apps because our attraction isn't really visually based (that's something triggered by testosterone), so dating apps are kind of like... okay cool I can see you. Thats nice. We know hundreds of guys are competing for women who simply don't need sex as bad as they do, so seeing a guy show off how "hot" he is when he's clearly just looking to fuck one of us is even worse. It's cringy and you may not see it because you're not a girl and you're not wired like one either.
Let's not even talk about the way men often treat us. I mean women will lay their hearts on the line for men who gaslight them, abuse them and then go on to receive all of this male privilege in the world. Men objectify us, demean us, create laws around our bodies and make more money on us on average. There's a reason women feel entitled to mocking guys in their day to day life - They dehumanize us without a second thought.
On the other hand, you genuinely sound like a nice guy, and it sounds like girls like you - the fact that you have women friends speaks highly of you and don't let any insecure woman make you feel otherwise. You might think you're "average looking" but the truth is that women generally don't care that much, in fact many of them like a silly looking guy, we think it's cute (I feel this way about girls tbh, I like a girl that is a silly little guy)
You don't have to worry about this, and I honestly wouldn't waste your time on dating apps unless you're just looking to get laid (which is totally fine). In that case, just put yourself out there, have a sense of humor about yourself, be honest about your intentions and don't expect a whole lot.
If you're looking for a girlfriend, I would highly recommend, first of all, stop looking because you aren't going to find love by looking for it. Second of all, you can go a long way going out to places you genuinely enjoy being and meeting women (and friends!) who share your interests. Focus on how you carry yourself and how you wear your clothing and how you speak to them. Learn to radiate confidence. Women really don't care what you look like as long as you tick their emotional boxes. Sounds like you got a good heart, just keep doing you.
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u/cryptokitty010 1d ago
Those women are also being dehumanized by people swiping through the same apps.
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u/Scorpions13256 1d ago
This post is really cringe. I see unattractive men with girlfriends all the time.
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u/LiveNDiiirect 1d ago
I’ve known a lot of people (not just women btw, though more women than men) that have told me they just use dating apps exclusively for validation with no intent to actually meet anyone they match with. They outright say that they use the app just for a quick self-esteem/ego boost when they’re bored.
Idk the extent that they’re all completely honest about that, like I got the feeling one guy that said that would have definitely pursued more with women he matched with if given the chance.
But that general sentiment is more common than I would have guessed if I hadn’t already heard so many people openly admit/brag about it.
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u/Goldeneye_Engineer 1d ago
Dude - go to a bar and meet people in real life. Also get off Tinder, it's just a way for women to laugh at men.
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u/upsidedown12344 1d ago
I understand how you feel, but as someone in a 6 year long committed relationship-get off of dating apps. I only know one person who met someone they married on a dating app. Go out and enjoy your hobbies and meet a woman there
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u/Training_Barber4543 2002 1d ago
This isn't to counter your post or anything, I'm just surrounded with more men than women so this is the only story that came to my mind: I remember a guy in my friend group had a Tinder profile made "for fun" and some of his friends wrote his description (might not even have been real info 🤔) and swiped for him. At some point they were screen sharing so he could at least see who they were swiping on and yeah, there was a lot of judgment about the different profiles as well...
I think it's pretty common behavior on these apps, the simple fact that you can swipe immediately after only seeing the person's profile picture makes the whole thing very shallow, but I think that's what it was for at first? Just one night stand kind of plans? I personally feel like it's so special to have that connection with a random stranger in the world and it feels weird to think that one swipe could make you lose any mean of communication with someone you could get along with very well.
But yeah I've had creepy guys like my profile on some of these apps and I did screenshot it and send it to my friends tbh, like I'm 19 you're 40 please don't
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u/ATXStonks 1d ago
Dude, men do the same shit. Mock pics of women, swipe on everyone, swipe for fun with no intent to contact. Just worry about what you can control.
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u/Professional_Lake593 1d ago
Your friends could be dickheads, but the only women I know who say “ew” as they swipe are saying ew because men are leaving obviously shitty personality trait things in their bios. It’s very rarely about appearances.
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u/1234lemmehearuscream 1d ago
Guys do this too, just to be clear, however i understand why you’re saying this and they don’t cancel each other out. people of both genders are are hopefully mindful and respectful of people’s time.
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u/Jostumblo 1d ago
I met my wife on a dating site. She said something like, isn't annoying getting so many messages all the time?
I played along, but, no. Idk what she was talking about. I mean, I know, but I have not experienced this.
Before meeting her, I remember one of the sites congratulated me on sending messages to 100 different women! .......I just stared at that message for a while, realizing zero of them responded.
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u/Virtual-Scarcity-463 On the Cusp 1d ago
Men, just get off the dating apps. I know it sucks and they seem like one of the only ways to meet people nowadays, but the women hate you on them. The women on dating apps hate the men on dating apps. It didn't used to be like this, but this is where we are.
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u/This-Top7398 1d ago
If guys don’t swipe right on literally ANYTHING, women won’t be acting like that. They can get any guy they want so why should they behave
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u/Prudent-Proposal1943 1d ago
One should never write a comment on dating apps and dating that is longer than a dating profile.
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u/mle_eliz 1d ago
I don’t use the apps like a game. I can tell a ton of men do, though. The only way I can handle continuing to be on them at this point is to view them as a social experiment for my own amusement. If someone appears to be using them genuinely, I will treat them accordingly. The guys clearly matching with everyone on the off chance they’ll get laid? Thanks, but I’m going to continue to laugh at them and troll them for my own amusement. If it keeps them too busy to waste another woman’s time? Fucking perfect.
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u/hevnztrash 1d ago
I think it’s the way dating apps are designed, not the inherent behaviors of genders. The apps are set up to encourage and enable impulsive, superficial behaviors because the apps aren’t meant to help you find healthy partners. They are set up to keep people swiping through ads, as your friends did, and to keep people paying for premium boosted accounts. The people who make money off these apps couldn’t care less about your love life. It’s probably one of the most obvious legal scams I have seen in my lifetime while most people still remain oblivious and actively participating.
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u/Big_Albatross_3050 1999 1d ago
From my experience as a man, do not take dating apps seriously at all.
If you match with someone, great, see where it goes, but if you don't get any matches, have people try to sell you things, or keep getting ghosted, don't let it get to you and be discouraged.
Use it as another tool to help you meet people, but remember the best and easiest way to find a partner is to go outside and talk to people
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u/Pony_Roleplayer 1d ago
A girl I know usually says that dating apps is like going to a supermarket full of idiots, and you just pick whatever you want from the shelves and get paid for it.
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u/Outrageous_Fold_1408 1d ago
Men aren’t innocent on dating apps either. There’s plenty of men dehumanizing women too. I’ve experienced it. But my point is, you shouldn’t make it a gender thing. Dating just sucks in general for both sides. There’s shitty people on both sides.
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u/stop_slut_shamming 1d ago
I don't understand how you can almost demand to tell someone how they should or shouldn't use an app. When I was dating a very long time ago it was just one avenue of distribution and I had very low expectations in that channel. Is it possible to have a reflective moment and ask yourself to not invest too much in an app and trying to control others? This seems an odd ask of women.....and I'm a guy.
Plus, maybe you need more guy friends?
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u/dererumnatura3 1d ago
well...it is an app and i dont feel sorry at all. tinder is my fav tool to see how fast i get 99+ ❤️ in 10 minutes or less and get to see whats available out there. like i love to see in terms of numbers how my physical attractiveness does so much and how all men are easily categorized
my lil analytical self comes out to play...sorry G
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u/SnooStories9808 1d ago
I think you should look into yourself and ask yourself why them acting normal makes you feel this way. I think you care too much and need to step back…
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u/Annatar_Giftlord 1d ago
Wow you can't be disgusted with women enough. Why are you friends with these people?
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u/theringsofthedragon 23h ago
You just don't have enough male friends to realize that men do this and have been doing this way before women. I mean, have you met men? Do men strike you as the type to respectfully use dating apps and images of women?
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u/Catlady_Pilates 21h ago
I’m sorry but dude. Are you serious? Women are seen as commodities and have been actual property for most of history and way too many men still see and treat them as such. These women aren’t hurting anyone. And maybe you should hang out with some guys your age and see what their talk about women is like. Your girl friends are just having a little fun at no one’s expense. They are not sending mean messages. They are not hurting anyone. As women dating is dangerous. It’s scary. To say we have it easy is absurd. Men are afraid of rejection. Yeah. Women are too bit we’re also afraid of being raped or killed. Or stalked or having an ex post revenge porn.
Come on man. Get a little perspective. Your friends are not hurting anyone. You’re being ridiculous. If you don’t like seeing them swiping on their phones together then leave them alone to do it in peace.
And you say “men probably do this too” yet you’ve made a post specifically targeting women. That’s just plain old misogyny.
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u/Conscious-Eye5903 19h ago
Wow really? Can’t believe it. I’ve definitely never seen a group of men hanging out and judging women by their appearance so this is really shocking to hear
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u/RichardJusten 16h ago
Millennial here - women my age used to do this as well and some still do.
Just sitting there together making fun of men on dating apps.
I've only seen it happen myself live once but many women talked about it quite openly. It was a very common thing.
While it's very dehumanising, I still think it doesn't say much about the women. The internet makes many many people treat other people on the internet as if they weren't real.
Our brains are not made for the internet
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