r/AITAH • u/LooseBall6669 • 1d ago
AITAH for breaking up with my girlfriend because she wanted me to pay 100% of the bills
My ex and I have been together for 3 years now. I recently got a great job opportunity that will help a great deal financially. When I got the job offer, I showed her the letter of employment and my salary. Her first words to me was” so are you going to pay 100% of the rent? She never congratulated me… I saw that as a red flag, and ended things two days later.
We were going 50/50 on rent and I was playing 100% on groceries before I left.
Am I wrong for breaking up with her?
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u/procivseth 1d ago
"So are you going to pay 100% of the rent?"
"I wasn't thinking that, but, now that you mention it, yes. Also, get out."
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u/Primary_Bowl9961 1d ago
NTA that was literally her first thought?
See ya later.
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u/Sebscreen 1d ago
She likely resented having to pull her weight from the start and was silently seething that OP didn't offer to cover her portion.
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u/Alive_Channel8095 14h ago
Right! 🙄 When my partner gets good news I’m so excited and want to celebrate him and his achievements. I mean this just seems like common sense but says everything that he needs to know about her priorities. She sees their relationship as a transaction. Byeeee
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u/Wiregeek 1d ago
NTA, that's some gold digger shit right there.
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u/No-Cod-9516 1d ago
I believe these days they call themselves “traditional woman looking for a provider” or man with a “provider mindset”. 🤮
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u/Wiregeek 1d ago
makes me glad I'm out of the game.
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u/Chicken-n-Biscuits 1d ago
And me glad I’m gay. I see more and more of this from “progressive” women who view men funding their lifestyle as some sort of equity thing…lol
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u/Strikelight72 1d ago
Well, nowadays, it has to be shared 50/50. We don’t know how long it will last. So both spend the same amount
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u/ExpressThing8997 1d ago
Totally agree! That’s definitely a red flag, and you’re not wrong for wanting a partner who values you and your success, not just your paycheck.
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u/RemoteNews6241 1d ago
NTA. You're not a bank account.
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u/CharmxBliss 1d ago
I agree. She could have congratulated but she decided to show her red flag OP. NTA
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u/dazed1984 1d ago
NTA. Why were you paying for all the groceries?
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u/LooseBall6669 1d ago
I wouldn’t ask her for money for groceries, I would just go because it had to be done. She said the grocery store gave her anxiety..
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u/Severe-Resolve-2635 1d ago
Of course it would give her anxiety, she would have to use her own money /s
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u/The_DTM305 1d ago
Dude. I was doing the 70/30 split with my Ex cuz I “made” more money. This was seriously cramping my lifestyle cuz I only had about $200 to spend for two weeks between paychecks. Meanwhile she getting her nails done every week, hair done every month, new shoes, new clothes, etc. Come tax time one year, I learned she was making more than me and never told me. I asked her about it and she had the balls to say that “I should pay for everything.” That’s why she’s my Ex 😂😂😂.
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u/RutabagaNormal1912 1d ago
NTA. You dodged a bullet. Don't let anyone use you. She shouldn't have asked that, nevermind making that her first commentary. But congrats on the new position!
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u/LuxyxLuna 23h ago
I agree. You did yourself a favor breaking up with her, she might become a freeloader had you kept the relationship OP. NTA and congratulations.
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u/mimiicupcake 1d ago
You're not wrong for breaking up with her. It sounds like her response to your good news was quite telling about her priorities and expectations in the relationship. Asking you to pay 100% of the rent right after you shared your job offer can come off as selfish, especially since you were already contributing more than half.
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u/GracexWhisper 23h ago
I agree. You made the right choice in breaking up with her. Her response only shows how selfish she is OP. Instead congratulating you, she told you what she is expecting from you. NTA
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u/Expert_Swan_7904 1d ago
"oh great we were making 80k a year with combined income, but your new job pays 70k.im quitting my job now!"
yeah op you did the right thing lmao
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u/SparkleXStar 23h ago
I agree. You did the right thing OP. YWBTA if you keep the relationship with her because she would know that she can take advantage of you. NTA
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u/bignaturalsrae 1d ago
NTA
Breaking up because your ex immediately focused on you paying 100% of the rent instead of celebrating your new job is understandable. Relationships should be supportive and fair, and if you felt her reaction was a red flag and indicative of deeper issues, it’s reasonable to prioritize your own well-being and financial stability.
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u/My_Dramatic_Persona 1d ago
So there are seven comments in here by some variety of Rae. Some are exact copies of each other, and they’re all basically the same. Seems like a bot trying to build up karma using AI generated replies?
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u/antraxsuicide 1d ago
Good catch! Reddit isn't going to bother cracking down on this kinda thing after the IPO, if they ever did before. Gotta have those user counts high!
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u/ClamatoDiver 1d ago
I don't usually bother looking at names, but damn I didn't even have to scroll far to see the curvy and big tiddee ones
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u/My_Dramatic_Persona 1d ago
I didn’t look at the names until I saw two identical comments in a row that sounded like one I’d read further up. At first I thought someone had accidentally multi-commented, but the names were different.
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u/Desertbro 1d ago
If he had agreed to pay 100%, she would have quit her job "because we don't need it"
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u/Itchy-Worldliness-21 22h ago
That was one of the main reasons why he broke up with her, she made a comment that she shouldn't have to pay bills and then in the same breath said she shouldn't have to work either.
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u/Perpetually_isolated 1d ago
She fuckin swung for the fences, that's for sure. NTA.
If you're gonna pay all the bills, you might as well live on your own and not answer to anyone else.
This woman was already planning on how she's going tomspend your money.
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u/TheCaptain53 1d ago
NTA
My wife and I have talked through our finances and how that plays into our goals for years. Because I'm a higher earner, I contribute a larger portion to the pot with which we pay bills. I would like to be able to increase my earnings so she can either work part time, or maybe even exit the work force and keep some skills relevant a small business (also helps in case I die), or work school term times so that she's not working whilst our son is on his school holiday time. This, we feel, is not inherently forcing us into our gender roles or my wife taking advantage, because we both agreed to it.
This is not that. She is attempting to shirk all financial responsibility and levy it on you so that she can maintain her lifestyle while working less, or maintain her work and improve her lifestyle at your expense. This is not the basis of a healthy adult relationship and you were justified to leave her.
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u/Ok-Cap-4900 1d ago
NTA. She straight-up saw your new job as a ticket to freeload. The fact that her first reaction wasn’t congratulating you but demanding you pay 100% of the rent is a huge red flag. She didn’t even appreciate what you were already contributing (groceries plus 50/50 rent) and just wanted more. You’re not her ATM. You did the right thing by dumping her. Don’t feel bad for leaving someone who’s trying to take advantage of you.
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u/Honest-Sign7414 1d ago
You weren’t wrong for breaking up, you were setting a boundary for what’s fair and healthy in a relationship.
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u/Technical_Pumpkin_65 1d ago
👏👏Good for you! You can pay 100% if you are married and your wife is supporting you with kids not for a opportuniste girlfriend.
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u/BriefFreedom2932 1d ago
NTA and don't ever share how much you get paid with a woman you're with.
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u/LooseBall6669 1d ago
Agreed, I’m glad I did this time, I would’ve found out her intentions to late
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u/Snarkysnacksnake 1d ago
The amount shouldn't matter until you're married. Even then, if someone is making a significant amount more, that doesn't mean the other has any right to that money. I have no idea what my boyfriend makes other than it's a significant amount more than I do. I let him treat me when he feels like it and vice versa but otherwise we share the financial responsibility for things we do together and are both pretty moderate in spending to begin with.
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u/mustang19671967 1d ago
Not butnwhy were you paying 100% if groceries , does she not eat . Until Married never anything except 50/50 On everything utilities cable internet . Now if you eat a lot More than her pay a little More
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u/pwolf1771 1d ago
I’d break the lease and move out immediately on principle just to fuck her over even more. No way you can stay with a dead beat.
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u/radraze2kx 1d ago
One huge reason I broke up with my ex-fiancee was the financial imbalance. She stayed with me rent free for over a year and a half (out of 3 years), totalling up to over $12,000 USD in bills... Plus I paid off her dental debt, bought her a cheap car when she totaled hers, paid for her weed habit, phone, and then her half of everything for quite a while. Thanks to her financial negligence, I had to max out a $6,000 credit card (hers) to stay afloat for a short bit. She still to this day insists I owe her. I'm paying her off for that card just to clear my conscience, but after that I'm fucking DONE. Essentially $20K down the drain. Don't do what I did, break up with her sooner rather than later.
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u/isthatamusket 23h ago
Yeah this whole Men should pay for everything bullshit needs to stop. Way too many women wanting to be financial dependants these days instead of relationship partners.
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u/bigtiddyrae 1d ago
NTA
It sounds like you broke up because her immediate focus on you paying 100% of the rent, rather than celebrating your new job, was a major red flag. If you felt her reaction was indicative of deeper issues and didn't align with your expectations, then ending the relationship was a choice you made for your own well-being.
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u/FewPattern3632 1d ago
It sounds like you were seeing some clear red flags. If she only saw your new job as a chance for you to cover all the bills and didn't celebrate your success, that's a big issue.
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u/Mysterious-Bag-5283 1d ago
NTA now she doesn't have to help you with anything 😆😆. I sure she will happy about only have to pay for herself.
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u/SirHamz 1d ago
NTAH
Unless youve already had prior agreements about it, she should be helping out financially within her means. You're not gonna ask her to put down 1k on rent when she makes 800 a paycheck and you're making 5k a month, but she should be expected to help out in one way or another.
TLDR:
NTA if shes only there for the money and comfort get tf out.
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u/Glinda-The-Witch 1d ago
NTA. She should expect to pay her fair share. Splitting based on income percentage is the best way to go about it.
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u/purposeday 1d ago
NTA, not wrong. It sounds like she didn’t offer to pay for something else instead so suggesting to change the contract unilaterally without clarifying it was meant sarcastically was not a smart move on her part. It sounds entitled. You dodged one.
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u/Know_1_7777777 1d ago
NTA good job on getting out of that when you did. All she saw was dollar signs when you showed her that letter. Time to find someone who's a partner and not just gonna suck you dry like she was planning on doing.
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u/goodbodha 1d ago
NTA. grats on revealing the issue and dealing with it promptly. Go find someone better.
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u/DivineTarot 1d ago
NTA
People push this idea of paying bills weighted to income, and I get that, but if the first words out of someone's mouth upon hearing, "massive pay raise" is to ask if you're paying for everything now so they can have their kept girlfriend joy than yea that's scudzy.
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u/Purple_Joke_1118 1d ago
Absolutely not. Sure, the rent could be renegotiated with you paying a larger proportion of it...but GF was sure jumping the gun on a lot of things.
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u/Ordinary-Being2333 1d ago
NTA. But she got what she wanted, now you will be paying 100% of the rent /s and so will she
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u/barkusmuhl 1d ago
This is reddit. Anytime someone says their partner did anything wrong reddit will tell you to end the relationship.
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u/BelievableToadstool 1d ago
Wow… good job having a backbone and standing up for yourself. That woman is… well she is what she is haha
NTA. GOOD RIDDANCE
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u/ThisIsTheNewSleeve 19h ago edited 18h ago
Yeah. If her first thought is "My BF got a big pay day, I can relax and stop paying for shit!" then huge red flag. She saw your relationship as a transaction. NTA.
Bight side: at least you'll be saving some money on groceries!
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u/nandopadilla 12h ago
Nah bruh you did the right thing. The second any female says anything other than "congratulations" it's a red flag alone but the fact she went straight into how you'll be supporting her showed there's miscommunication and incompatibility. Nta
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u/Dull_Basket8318 9h ago
If you got that reaction tha nta
It was different if she was all congrats and blah blah blah. Then a day or so later be i was thinking ... If you made an obnoxiously more amount and you guys been serious together awhile i could see like if you pay rent and i pay for utilities, gmost of groceries and these bills or be like can we not do 50/50 but 70/30. That would be appropriate. If you make similar amount than nah.
Im on ssi for disability (650 a month) while my nesting partner works. He straight told me to not pay rent and utilities. But i do what i can. I make sure he has no commercials on spotify (drives his adhd crazy), internet, streaming services, over 50% of groceries, and other stuff. And i try to take care of as much as i can at home based on how sick i am at the time. I try to wash all the dishes while he puts away cause of my wheelchair makes it exhausting. And everything else at home like that which doesnt fall under too difficult from wheelchair.
Point is that if you arent a team and trying to better eachother and look out for eachother . Have trust and communication. Then get out. Nothing is ever 50/50. But it has to be respectful and appreciated to from eachother.
Ask yourself did she ever do sweet little things or every day things to make your life better or make you smile. Maybe show up with a little trinket that would make your life easier. These are the people to keep
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u/Outrageous-Frame-691 1d ago
My sister is paying basically everything cause her BD said they would split 50/50 . She refuses to break up with him , he hasn't even worked in almost 2 years. Don't get used like that
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u/Advent420 1d ago
She could've just been super excited at first and a week later talked about financial issues or something, just having 0 EQ qualifies the breakup, and yea should not be expecting to be kept like that off the bat
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u/Perfect-You4735 1d ago
Nta, big red flag imo.
Ladies keep saying they want equality, but still want to be treated like it's the 1950s.
Really need 2 incomes these days.
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u/Significant_Planter 1d ago
No you're not wrong. The minute you got a little bit of money she showed her true colors. I mean she was already letting you pay for all the groceries which is kind of ridiculous, so it's like you could have seen it coming LOL but no that's a very valid reason to break up with somebody.
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u/msamor 1d ago
NTA.
If she wants you to pay 100% of the rent, that’s a discussion. Maybe she wants to do 100% of the cooking and cleaning? But it sure isn’t the first thing to say after you get a raise.
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u/LooseBall6669 1d ago edited 1d ago
I promise you this was her first response. Later that day we had a conversation about marriage, her she told me she doesn’t want to pay bills as a wife, and she wants her money to go towards her and the kids. We don’t have any kids together, she has a son
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u/Ok-Engineering9733 1d ago
NTA. She wasted no time to show her gold digger self as soon as she saw money. You were smart to dump her.
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u/ITGoddess83 1d ago
NTA. When looking for a partner in life you want one that would support you and cheer for you in the good times, while holding you down in the bad times She was not it.
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u/Consistent-Career888 1d ago
NTA .
That her first reaction to you getting a promotion waxoh god you can pay 100 percent of the rent . Says everything you need to know .
This selfish , entitled, hurtful, rude , disrespectful behavior will only become worse. End this one sided relationship before it becomes much worse. Another woman with golden 🐱 mentality. She will continue and escalate the what’s yours is ours . Whsts mine is mine behavior.
If she isn’t home when you are. Pack all her stuff . Bring it to her moms place or if not a friend of hers. Telk her mom that her selfish , entitled , disrespectful, self absorbed, rude , self absorbed daughter and her all consuming ego are not welcome as yoi have ended the relationship. Leave a note explaining why the relationship is over .
Unfortunately she will find another man to brcome s parasite on .
If there’s no where . Ask a attorney where you can leave her stuff. Change the locks. When she arrives. Call the police and have her trespassed ( if you live in the US ). They will escort her off in shiny silver bracelets. Bring her to a station , photograph and finger print her . Then give her a date to appear . The judge will tell her she is not allowed at your apartment
The police will tell tongo toa hotel and find a new place to live .
If she shows up get her arrested for trespassing and contempt of cour and or violation of s court order . That might get her a night in jaill before going before the judge again. He or she will not be happy . Now she gets a criminal conviction. Which can harm her ability to get a job oh a boyfriend also .
Women like her need much more accountable . There’s a new thread in manybsubs about a awful , entitled, selfish, hurtful, disrespectful often abusive girlfriend or wife every day .. probably more. But I don’t have the time or desire to search .
If needed ask the landlord to change locks . You probably will have to pay . It’s worth it .
Block her in any social media , phone if you have wattsapp, that too , This will help you get over her and move on .
Her behavior will not change . It is who she is . Dump her .
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u/GenericNerdGirl 1d ago
NTA
The only way you might've been in the wrong was if she'd said "That's great, honey! We should celebrate, and then sit down and see what we want to do about finances with this big change." and THAT was what you dumped her for. As you've presented it though? I don't see how you could be wrong. I hope the new job goes well and that you get to live well with the new salary!
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u/pikachutrain 1d ago
No one is ever wrong for ending a relationship. Relationships can end for whatever reason, no matter how stupid it may sound. With that said, NTA. You definitely read that red flag correctly. Congrats on the new job.
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u/RunNo599 1d ago
Depends on how much but making and how much the rent is IMO. I almost worked myself to death trying to keep up with a wealthier partners lifestyle and we went dutch on everything. I ended up with less Than nothing and a ton of debt and it was bullshit.
That’s kind of shitty she didn’t say congrats at all though NTA
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u/IntendedHero 1d ago
NTA Good move bro. Don’t ever tell them what you make, and as soon as they want to have a drawer at your place next em. It sounds harsh but do the relationship math, eventually you’ll lose half or more.
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u/Visual-Guarantee2157 1d ago
Nope. A healthy relationship includes equitability and fairness. Doesn’t have to be a 50/50 financial split, but there are plenty of models and a discussion should be had.
Congrats on the success and enjoy your next partner, who I’m sure will treat you better now that you know what to look out for.
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u/Ok-Conversation224 1d ago
NTA, she wanted a free ride. The next step is she would of quit her job. Your salary increase meant an easy life for her, to benefit her, while not thinking about the man earning the money. You did the right thing by ending that relationship.
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u/Eastern-Move549 1d ago
'yes I'll pay 100% of the rent because I'm going to be living alone from now on'
NTA she was digging for gold!
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u/HotFry14 1d ago
"Babe, I just won a brand new car!!!" Her: "So we're switching cars so I have the better and newer one right?"
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u/frauleinsteve 1d ago
NTA. Best to break up. If you didn't, you wouldn't be able to hire some good quality hookers without her getting upset at you, ya know?
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u/JustALittleOrigin 1d ago
She can go sell 100% of her body for the streets where she belongs. Giant gold digger vibes, NTA.
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u/Venti_Mocha 1d ago
NTA
Sure, I'll be glad to pay 100% of the rent. Get out. No need for you to be here for me to do that.
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u/eternalmind69 1d ago
NTA. You did the right thing imo. You can find someone who appreciates you for who you are and not just your money.
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u/Bertie-Marigold 1d ago
NTA. As long as she can still afford her half, you shouldn't have to pay more just because you've started earning more.
Whether it's a break-up red line or not is up to you but sounds like the right choice.
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u/LosAngel1935 23h ago
NTA
I'll keep it short but real You are her boyfriend not her parent. dump her
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u/Fast_Owl_7245 20h ago
NTA, but for your next relationship, I'd say talk about finances as things get serious. There is a small little rule that 30% of your monthly earnings should be rented, but doesn't mean it always is, but that's the limit. If you make more, then you chip in more. But do it as percentages of your salary and not just 50/50. For example, my partner makes $ 4k a month, and I make 2.5. For me to pay half the rent is significantly more coming out of my wages than hers. So we do the math on what 30% of mine is and what hers is and go from there. That way, you both can save and have spending money and pay bills. It's the smart option to not screw either person in the event that a separation happens
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u/Expertonnothin 19h ago
No, she’s a gold digger. And if you WANT a gold digger you can now afford a much higher quality one.
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u/JellicoAlpha_3_1 19h ago
NTAH
Not even in the slightest
She was pretending to be a decent person but the prospect of being a kept woman was so exciting to her that she let it slip out when she saw the offer letter
You can do better OP
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u/Bob_A_Feets 19h ago
"why yes, I will be paying 100% of my rent, good luck paying 100% of your's now that we're finished"
"Oh and thanks for congratulating me on the new job!"
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u/HoustonRing 18h ago
Wish I had made that decision 30 years ago. Congratulations on the balls to do the right thing👍
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u/Barracuda00 16h ago
WILD. Relationships are a partnership. Equal effort is required from both parties to make it work. It may not always look like 50/50 bill splitting, but this is a huge red flag and you're right for breaking up with her.
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u/Ok-Language-8688 14h ago
NTA. Girls like that will keep your bank account empty no matter how much you make. Then they'll leave when some dude they think they can get more out of walks by...
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u/metalchicktokes 13h ago
NTA. Was she trying to be funny, or was she dead serious?
Next thing you know, she'd wanna be a stay at home mom to a couple of dogs.
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u/UsedPantiesUSA 12h ago
NTA. Good job addressing the situation promptly. And since you are missing this:
CONGRATULATIONS! 🎉🎊🎈🍾
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u/ThatGuyWhoEatsBagels 1d ago
What was the pay gap between the 2 jobs? However, this does seem like a big red flag and it's good you ended it. Good job on getting the job.
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u/LooseBall6669 1d ago
From 43000 to 270000 cad.
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u/Snarkysnacksnake 1d ago
I don't even know you and the first thing I feel to do is congratulate you. I'm sorry your girlfriend is so selfish.
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u/ThatGuyWhoEatsBagels 1d ago
That's a big gap, but this was still a red flag because instead of congratulating you, she is wondering if you will be paying all of the rent.
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u/LooseBall6669 1d ago
At first I thought I was over thinking it, but she stared to make weird comments after. Like she doesn’t want to work, and if she does work her money has to go towards herself and the kids, not bills. We don’t have kids together btw, she has a son tho.
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u/HolyDarknes117 1d ago
Uh yeah she wants you to provide for her and her kid and she can live life on easy mode! BULLET DODGE bro!! NTA! run far away!
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u/No_Heart_8784 1d ago
Sounds like you made the right move. Go find yourself a partner, not a dependent.
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u/Perfect_Sir4820 22h ago
Don't date single moms dude. All of them will be looking at your wallet first and the rest of you second.
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u/Specialist-Leek-6927 1d ago
NTA, she definitely failed the gold digging classes, lesson 2: NEVER REVEAL YOUR PLAN BEFORE THE 2ND YEAR OF MARRIAGE.
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u/This-Darth66 1d ago
NEVER TELL A WOMAN HOW MUCH YOU MAKE. Only your wife. Act poor, be a low-key baller till you find the right one. Let her like you for you, not your $$.
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u/LovedAJackass 1d ago
I'd say it's always fair to share expenses proportionally. But if your GF's first reaction to an exciting opportunity in your life to be "pay 100% of the rent," you're with the wrong person.
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u/jtj5002 1d ago
Lmao she can go pay 100% in the streets.
NTA