r/AITAH • u/Intelligent_Fox_5588 • 1d ago
AITAH. I took my baby and left home after my husband kept making jokes about my body.
So, my husband statted making indirect jokes about my body/shape eversince I gave birth to our son. At first, I didn't mind a silly joke here and there but it escalated, and he started doing infront of friends and family.
Last week, we were invited by his mom to celebrate at her home. He casually made an offensive joke about my body and that was the last straw for me.
We got home and we started arguing. I recorded our conversation and this is how it went. Me: Can we talk about what happened at dinner tonight?" Him: (he was checking his phone, responding nonchalantly) "What’s there to talk about? It was just a joke." Me: "A joke? You think making fun of my body in front of your family is funny? I’ve just had our baby, and I’m still adjusting to everything! Your comments hurt, you know that, right?" Him: "Come on, it was just a little banter. Everyone laughed. Besides, if you had gotten the ‘husband's stitch’ like I suggested, maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal.” Me: (I was staring at him in disbelief after this comment) “So now it’s my fault? I’m the one to blame for your insensitive jokes? Is that really how you feel?” Him: “I’m just saying, things could be different. You chose not to do it. I thought you wanted to feel good again. It’s not like I’m trying to hurt you; I just want us to have a good sex life again". After that we kept going back and forth and ended up taking the baby and moving out. He began complaining about how I took his son away from him, how I was punishing him using our son etc. His family interjected snd told me I can't do this to him. It's been days and he's still complaining about what I did calling it overreaction and saying that I was taking my frustration out on him.
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u/Alarming_Paper_8357 1d ago
How in the hell did you ever marry this cretin, never mind make a baby with him? Surely this isn't the first time he's showed his true colors as a rude, insensitive boor? Did he honestly joke about your vagina in front of his family?!! The crap about the "husband stitch" is just gross -- I have a friend who it was done to after her second child, and sex was actively painful for MONTHS and she didn't understand why until she finally went to a gynecologist, who discovered that the "husband stitch" had been poorly done and had actually made the vaginal opening smaller than before, and the scar was being painfully stressed every time they had sex.
And anyway, what does the "husband stitch" have to do with your body recovering from pregnancy? It doesn't automatically make you slim and make your boobs perk up!
Lawyer up, girl, it's going to be a bumpy ride. His emotional abuse is cruel and uncalled for.
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u/Artistic_Purpose1225 1d ago
“ the scar was being painfully stressed every time they had sex.”
That happens with almost all of them. They are not known to cause any increase in pleasure for the woman, only pain. And the increase in pleasure for the man is one that can also be achieved by letting a woman fully heal from their birth-related injuries before having sex again.
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u/Pizzacato567 1d ago edited 1d ago
It honestly doesn’t sound very useful for anyone’s pleasure at all. It might tighten the entrance a little but it’s not like it tightens your vaginal canal? It just causes pain and makes sex harder. So what’s even the point?
Edit: and because of the pain the wife is feeling, there will be less sex. This benefits no one
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u/Jaccat25 1d ago
That was my thought. I know it’s called the “husband” stitch, but sounds like there’s no benefit for either partner. OPs husband is an idiot. So his big idea is to ruin their sex life rather than wait for a bit. He’s the type of moron to order lobster, get impatient, eat a moldy piece of cheese instead, and get food poisoning. The husband stitch is moldy cheese, any idiot should know it’s a bad idea. 🤦🏼♀️
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u/Feeling_Wheel_1612 1d ago
That is the point. The point is for the pain to constantly remind her of who owns her body.
It is barbaric.
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u/elynamisss 1d ago
Many men hide their true selves until their partner is pregnant or has given birth, making it harder to leave, and domestic abuse often starts during this time, with violence from partners being a leading cause of death for pregnant women.
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u/Steve_The_Mighty 1d ago edited 1d ago
I've had 'relations' with a fair few women over my life (~100), and I can honestly say that "tightness"=pleasure is an absolute load of misogynistic* nonsense.
I've been with people who've been a bit too tight, and that's not great. But other than that, I've literally never once considered "tightness" to have had any influence on pleasure during sex whatsoever. If it factors in at all, the influence it has is waaaaaaaaay overshadowed by factors like technique, emotional connection, mood, etc.
The men who think it is a major factor are usually inexperienced and dont know what they're doing. It's the same as men who blame their inability to satisfy a partner on not having an extra couple of inches on their manhood rather than on their own poor performance, except it conveniently shifts 100% of the blame off them.
*[misogynistic, because they are generally using it to idolize women with fewer partners, even though thats not how it works].
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u/Euphorbiatch 1d ago
I got husband stitched by a STUDENT doctor being supervised by the OB who delivered my first. Sex was painful, painful, PAINFUL and the only thing that fixed it was tearing that stupid drs scar when I gave birth to my second. So horrible
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u/Fluffypus 1d ago
The vagina is a muscle that can be helped with exercise. WTF that has to do with the entrance being smaller I don't know. That shit was always about his pleasure. If I had a lover with such a poor understanding of pleasure and how to create it, I'd dump him pronto.
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u/someonesomebody123 1d ago
The “husband stitch” is malpractice. It’s a form of genital mutilation.
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u/foxglove0326 1d ago
Jesus god, the amount of clenching I did whilst reading your comment. I cannot for the life of me understand WHY a physician would even consider something like that.
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u/atx2004 1d ago
Just remember it wasn't that long ago women did not have legal status outside of their husbands. Marital rape was legal until 1993. Women couldn't get credit or bank accounts in their own name until 1974. A married woman was literally the property of her husband. She couldn't own anything in her own name. Doctors would tell the husbands what was medically wrong with their wives and the wives only got to know if their husbands wanted them to. People didn't get divorced because it was super hard to be a divorced woman without another man or male family member willing to take you in. It was fairly common for men to beat their wives if they forgot their place.
So yeah, I can totally see a male physician doing that. Especially given the current infatuation with "better times".
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u/Equal-Brilliant2640 1d ago
A lot of men hide their real selves until their partner is pregnant, or after they given birth. It’s harder to leave your partner while pregnant, have a newborn
Domestic abuse usually starts when the woman gets pregnant, or just after birth.
The leading cause of death in pregnant women is at the hands of their partner/former partner
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u/Bleep_bloop666_ 1d ago
Honestly losers like him wont show their true colors until they feel confident their partner wont leave. (Luckily this asshat was wrong and she did leave). Its actually super common. I see it all the time. Husband was a great bf, great fiancé etc…then as soon as they get married or have a baby he partner starts showing their true colors. It really sucks
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u/LorienCathalas 1d ago
Even without the husband stitch sex was painful for months after my episiotomy. And I have a very loving husband who was really understanding and suuuuuper careful with me. Can't imagine so many women having to endure worse. Yikes..
I hope she runs as fast as she can from this asshole. Not only for herself but also for her son, so he doesn't have this piece of trash as an example of how men should behave.
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u/Book_81 1d ago
My youngest 14.... It still doesn't feel super great thanks to scar tissue from the Dr doing that despite both spouse and I saying don't do it
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u/Ihibri 1d ago
You should be able to sue for that bullshit. You fucking said NO. 😡
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u/Future_Direction5174 1d ago
I badly tore with my first and needed “I don’t know, I didn’t count” stitches. I suffered pain when having sex, and my GP just said it was normal to clench up and for it to be painful after giving birth. When I went to the Family Planning Clinic to be fitted with an IUD the nurse asked me “Does it hurt to have sex as one of your stitches is still inflamed?”. I got prescribed a cream (to which my husband was allergic lmao) which quickly healed it up.
I assume that this would be like how a “husbands stitch” would feel.
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u/mossyzombie2021 1d ago
At first I thought she meant he was making fun of her body in general, but he was making fun of her vagina in front of his family??? What in the sweet potato fuck
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u/One_crazy_cat_lady 1d ago
I knew a girl who, at 17, was given one and it ruined sex for her for the rest of her life.
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u/AdorableEmphasis5546 1d ago
This is how the husband stitch turns out for everyone who gets it. It's not a logical thing to do because the vaginal opening is not what makes sex feel good in the first place. It's the vaginal canal that does that.
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u/ExcellentAd7790 1d ago
NOPE. The husband stitch is a huge fuckin NOPE. Even if he wasn't awful about your body, that alone is divorce worthy. Don't go back. Block his family. NTA
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u/not_brittsuzanne 1d ago
First of all the “husband stitch” is an absolutely heinous thing and I hope whoever started that “trend” be it an OB or an obnoxious husband, gets penis cancer. It’s almost ALWAYS painful for the woman afterward because it isn’t meant to be that size it’s meant to heal back the way it was.
Second: He’s making fun of your body because he’s mad you wouldn’t get a husband stitch? That’s just a level of emotional abuse I can’t even fathom.
Throw that man in the fucking ocean.
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u/_ALFonso 1d ago
Wait people actually get “husband stitches”?? Where?? In the UK it is illegal as it is classified as female genital mutilation, and a obstetrician actually got charged with FGM for saying he would do one
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u/Cyndy2ys 1d ago
The next time I hear someone say “husband stitch” IRL, I’m going to say “you mean post birth genital mutilation??”
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u/zeezee1619 1d ago
One of our male OBs told the guy to pull his pants down so he knew how small to make it.
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u/goshyarnit 1d ago
I had a very tiny, very sweet but absolutely tough as nails Filipina midwife at one of my appointments who said "and we do no do that nonsense here." She then pointed at my husband, who also finds the practice disgusting and would never in a million years suggest it even as a joke, and said "he suggest it? I tell him get bigger better penis!"
He was too bewildered to even respond. I was cracking up.
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u/DarthOswinTake2 1d ago
Is that OB taking patients local to me, because I love him for it!!
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u/Tracer_Day 1d ago
Hoping this shows up in a popular movie or TV show some day. House (Hugh Laurie) would have delivered this line (and the baby) perfectly.
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u/tamij1313 1d ago
And also let the dumbass that says it out loud know that adding that extra stitch makes sex almost impossible for women to have without extreme pain so I’m guessing they will be LESS likely to want to participate.
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u/vocalfreesia 23h ago
Right. Just to clarify, the husband stitch is female genital mutilation. It closes the skin at the very opening of the vagina, which is not designed to be stitched together. It does nothing about how the inside is the vaginal canal feels or behaves during sex. It just causes tearing and pain at the very opening.
And for the men who are just terrible at sex - the vagina is supposed to open up, in a process called 'tenting'. So if a female partner feels tight it's cause you don't turn her on.
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u/Content_wanderer 1d ago
I think post partum genital mutilation has a better ring to it.
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u/No_Ordinary944 1d ago
and then add a kick to the balls so they really understand
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u/SouperSally 1d ago edited 1d ago
It’s a mostly external stitch that can get scar tissue at the opening . It does nothing for the vagina or the pelvic floor or female anatomy - in fact it’s dangerous because after birth is a lot of bleeding even after birth (and I had a c section !) and being too far stitched is a healing nightmare.
ETA: Oh yeah ! And if you want another baby ever and do vagina birth again it will absolutely shred WORSE through the scar tissue and literally destroy you way worse a second time . It’s horrific
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u/bobbutson 1d ago
I had never heard of this. Ghastly. That is not love.
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u/No_Roof_1910 1d ago
Leave this post out of it and many doctors, over the decades in America at least have given this to women without their knowledge or consent.
My then wife was given this in the fall of 2001 after giving birth and she had no idea.
After waiting the usual time to have sex again, we weren't able to. She went to her OBGYN 6 months later and her ONGYN told her what had happened.
She had to go back in later for a small procedure to correct it, to undo it.
We weren't able to have sex at all while she had that extra stitch in.
Sadly, this has happened so often throughout the decades, less now thankfully.
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u/Infinite-Adeptness58 1d ago
Please tell me you sued them.
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u/No_Roof_1910 1d ago
No we didn't. I was beyond surprised as my wife was feisty, spirited etc. It was so out of her character not to go after them for doing that to her.
I mean, way back in 1990 we bought a new car while I wasn't working as I was in grad school so only she was working. Being that it was 1990, there wasn't the internet so they would snail mail things to customers, about specials etc. as they wanted you to bring the car to them for service, oil changes etc. Being that this was long ago, they always mailed things in my name, to my attention as I was the male, the so-called head of the household.
That PISSEd my wife off. She went in and complained, no one could help her. She kept complaining until she met with the owner of the dealership and yes they changed and began mailing things in her name, to her attention. She told them I didn't work, I was in school and she was the one paying for the car so they needed to mail things to her name.
I include this one example, there are several others like this, at this level, so you get an idea of what my wife was like.
Yet somehow, she let this one slide. I was the one to let things slide and I even told her that she should get them to pay for the procedure to reverse/correct what they'd done but she wouldn't even do that.
I was baffled honestly as I'd known her for decades to that point and I would have lost a lot of money on a bet as I would have bet she would have gone after them, but she didn't.
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u/Important_Pattern_85 1d ago
I’m not surprised. It’s so much shame and violation. You just want to get it fixed and pretend it didn’t happen, just for your own peace of mind. It’s sad but women are conditioned this way
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u/GlitterDoomsday 1d ago
Cause she was hurt, feeling violated and with no strength to pick this particular fight. You low-key dropped the ball on this one.
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u/No-Site9192 1d ago
The idea of a "husband stitch" is deeply offensive. It essentially disregards a woman's healing process, focusing solely on his own sexual satisfaction. He and his family can be utterly disregarded. He won't likely understand the impact of his actions until faced with the consequences, possibly including divorce.
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u/JediWitch 1d ago
13 years ago this last August in Michigan, my Boomer delivery doctor asked my now ex-husband if he wanted the husband's stitch put in. He said yes. I vehemently objected. Doc did it anyway. Sex was excruciating and I ended up in pelvic floor therapy after my divorce. It's a highly invasive and embarrassing type of physical therapy no woman should have to go through because some nasty old men made decisions for them. The physical therapist suggested with how severe it was that I get legal counsel, but not only was I still recovering from an extremely abusive marriage the doctor had already died at that point, a massive coronary. Well deserved massive coronary.
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u/MimiBabette 1d ago
That is absolutely horrifying. I'm so sorry that happened. I am so fucking mad.
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u/CatmoCatmo 1d ago
I’m so thankful to stumble upon your comment. I am so deeply sorry you went through this. I cannot imagine what you ensured.
I was just explaining the “husband’s stitch” to my husband a minute ago. His reply was to laugh. Not because he approved, but because he thought it was also something dudes just said to joke around…like it surely can’t be a real thing. I told him to think again, as I’ve read/heard about it more than a handful of times - it’s quite prevalent actually. His next question was that no one now-a-days still does this right?! Like these all must be stories from a long while ago right?
Then I read your comment. We live in Michigan. When I read your comment he really stopped and was like, what fresh hell is this?! What is wrong with people?! What in the actual fuck?
Honestly I’m thankful he was so appalled, but not surprised. He’s a good dude. His first comment after thinking about the realization that it is a real thing was “wouldn’t that just make it more painful for the woman to actually have sex though?” Bless his heart. Smart dude.
Thank god my two different midwives and one female gyno involved with my vaginal births were NOT fucking misogynist idiots (women OB’s are just as guilty of the men of doing this btw). We never encountered this. No one even asked/“joked” around about it at the time of either of my deliveries.
So thanks for helping me drive the point home. I hope you’re doing well these days!
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u/JediWitch 1d ago
You're welcome, also thank you and I'm now with a man who was just as shocked and appalled as your husband! He is good and kind. He remembers the things I like and those I don't. He's honest and forthright without an ounce of cruelty and would never treat me with disdain. He treats my kiddo as his own but never pushes or expects too much from them. He tells me I'm smart, beautiful, and worthwhile without ever expecting any reward for doing so. He makes me so happy and I never in a million years thought anyone could make me love and trust this deeply after my first marriage.
Teach your daughters that these kind of archaic misogynist practices are evil and so are the men and women who support them. Show them by example what love is supposed to look like! Mutual respect and care for each other, always. Discuss and debate calmly without rehashing open old wounds or crass insults. There is never a winner in a right fight!
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u/NerdyConfusedWolf 1d ago
What the actual fuck??! This is worse than any horror story I’ve ever heard! What the actual fuck!!! I am SO done with other people, men in particular, making decisions about what a woman (or other person) can do to their body!! 🤬
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u/SocialScamp 1d ago
I had to have reconstructive surgery after I gave birth to my second because “I healed wrong.” The surgeon promised “it would be like I was 18 again.” He DEFINITELY gave me a husband stitch. It was 2 years before I enjoyed sex again. TX, US.
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u/atx2004 1d ago
Not surprising. A lot of men are misogynistic in Texas. Goes with the whole Bible belt " men are the head of the household" and their pleasure is more important than your pain.
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u/Idealistic_Bramble 1d ago
Three kids, two male delivery doctors, two husband stitches. The father asked for it both times and I was overruled. It makes sex impossible to enjoy and I tore and bled every time. I guess watching me cry and bleed made him feel more manly.
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u/RedneckAngel83 1d ago
My sistermom went through this. (I call her sistermom bc we both had babies from the same douchebag in the same year, a few months apart.) When I gave birth, my body malfunctioned and I had to have an emergency c section. Thankfully, no husband stitch for me. She, on the other hand, was NOT so lucky. Her OB asked HIM if HE wanted the husband stitch put in. She said no and the OB COMPLETELY ignored her. He said yes so the OB put one in. After the baby, they stayed married for almost 2 years after that but she said sex was never the same with him and isn't the same with anyone else either - no matter a guy's size, ALL sex is painful to her.
All this to say, husband stitches are fucking horrifying ordeals to experience and here in AL, the law isn't on our sides.
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u/RunJumpSleep 1d ago
She should have sued the doctor and would have won because her husband doesn’t get to decide if she has the stupid stitch. It’s malpractice.
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u/General-Knowledge-21 1d ago
You were overruled??! I'm pretty sure you can sue those docs. That's awful, and I'm so sorry
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u/Imsortofok 1d ago
Lawyers don’t take obstetrical violence seriously. People see a “healthy” mom and think “ but was the baby ok?” Yes. Oh well nothing is wrong then. You’re just being a dramatic new mom.
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u/ConsiderationShoddy8 1d ago
Bet they take it seriously if Everytime a man fathered a baby they chopped an inch of his business off
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u/Idealistic_Bramble 1d ago
If I knew then what I know now, I would have! I was young and stupid unfortunately.
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u/Single_Principle_972 1d ago
Holy shit. You were “overruled” about a surgical procedure on your own body? I’m speechless with rage. I hope to God you’re not still with this asshole. And the doc… wow.
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u/socsox 1d ago
Please tell me it's only "father" and not "still husband". The fact that the docs listened to him sadly doesn't surprise me, but still infuriates me. Any doctor who would ever joke or offer this to me and a spouse would be getting called into HR for that. I can appreciate dark humour, but that's crossing a different kind of line IMO.
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u/Idealistic_Bramble 1d ago
Oh yes definitely ex everything! I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s barbaric.
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u/Far-Elk2540 1d ago
My first baby born in MS weighed over 10 lbs. Sex afterwards was so horribly uncomfortable that we rarely had any and eventually divorced as he accused me of cheating (ha, right- I couldn’t even bear sex as much as I wanted any). Now I’m wondering if the delivery doctor gave me this ‘husband stitch’? I had a Lot of stitches.
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u/Mountain-Patience-59 1d ago
I'm so sorry. Where do you live?
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u/Idealistic_Bramble 1d ago
I lived in Iowa when I had my sons, and my third was born in South Dakota two years ago. Female doctor this time and she was appalled when I asked her to please not do that to me. She is a great doctor and I got lucky that time.
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u/SweetWaterfall0579 1d ago
That’s why we’re so horrified. It is a fantasy that some men have. It cannot be that their wittle peepee is teeny weeny. Nope! She’s all stretched out and used. Time for a new one.
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u/Special_Lychee_6847 1d ago
One of my best friends got stitched up 'just a liiiiiitle bit tighter'. She suffered for years, untill it was finally caught and fixed. She thought it was 'part of the the changes after giving birth'. It was a good hospital, Western Europe.
Her husband had no idea, and was furious when they found out why she had issues with intimacy after healing from giving birth.
It's great, that bastards that do them get charged. As it's usually a small difference between 'right' and 'just a liiiiitle but tighter', it's really hard to tell the difference.
And by the time it's healed, you're more worried about all the other stuff, like catching 5 minutes of sleep wherever you can, than 'does this feel right?'77
u/reviving_ophelia88 1d ago
Unsurprisingly in the US while it’s not considered an accepted medical procedure it’s not outright illegal unless it’s done without the woman’s consent, and even then it falls under medical negligence (or malpractice if the stitch causes physical harm) which is usually considered a civil offense not a criminal one.
I had to have scar revision surgery 13 years ago (5 years after having my daughter) due to what my surgeon strongly suspected was a “husband stitch” done by my OB because the scarring was extremely sensitive, would randomly swell up, itch and burn, easily split open and bled from things as minor as sitting on a bicycle seat, and the discomfort during and after sex made it a very rare occurrence. When I asked my surgeon if pursuing a malpractice claim was possible she told me that while she’d absolutely be willing to write up a statement giving her professional opinion on what she observed, unless my OB outright admitted to doing it or had made a note of doing it in my chart (She made note of the tears but nothing that could be considered proof) it likely wouldn’t be enough to definitively prove medical negligence or malpractice vs her just doing a hack job suturing the tears closed. And to add the icing on the cake of the medical ethics shitshow I was 17 when my OB took it upon herself to sacrifice my wellbeing for a (non existent) man’s pleasure.
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u/57Faerie 1d ago
The doctor I had did it without consent! This was years ago and I was young and dumb. Should have sued him for that.
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u/mahfrogs 1d ago
I think mine was done because I was single and giving the child up for adoption and the doctor disapproved. When I asked for birth control pills at my checkup he asked why I didn’t just get married like that would stop a pregnancy from happening.
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u/Original-Swordfish69 1d ago
I was given one after the birth of my daughter. The doctor didn't even ask ME. He asked my (now ex) husband, who gave him permission to alter MY body.
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u/dadarkoo 1d ago
I am a recipient of the “husband stitch” and I can’t have sex without pain, and I have some pretty embarrassing scar tissue.
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u/WaifuOfBath 1d ago
My SIL likes to brag she asked for a "husband stitch" because "she's such a good wife." My eyes almost fell out from rolling so hard.
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u/flippysquid 1d ago
Next time she brings it up you should say, “I didn’t realize his penis was so tiny.”
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u/bellarexnalajon 1d ago
Yes my ob gave me one even tho my pain meds had worn off and I was screaming because I could feel every stitch. But my MALE dr thought it was funny.
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u/punkinjojo 1d ago
In the United States, sometimes they will do it without consent or with the husband's consent and not the woman's. I told my husband when we started talking about our future that it was one of the fastest ways for me to cut someone completely out of my life. It is horrible and disgusting.
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u/Liz600 1d ago
The ocean has enough trash in it already. Feed him to a volcano
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u/PresentationThat2839 1d ago
My preference is a bog. It less garbage disposals and more an investment in the future of archaeology.
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u/Stormtomcat 1d ago
agreed, OP's husband is not just mean, but also uninformed, and basing his meanness on those ignorant opinions.
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u/Aran909 1d ago
WTF is the "husband stitch?" My poor wife got torn to shreds delivering our second baby and had to be sewn up. Does this dumb fuck think (i am guessing here) throwing more stutches is a good thing. The poor woman didn't sit right for a month.
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u/QuestioningHuman_api 1d ago
According to Google, the “husband stitch” is
The husband stitch is considered an outdated, medically unnecessary, and unethical procedure that has no approved medical benefit. It’s performed to tighten the vaginal opening for the sexual pleasure of the male partner, and can cause long-term harm to the woman. Some of the health complications associated with the husband stitch include: vulvar and vaginal pain, scarring, dyspareunia, and trauma.
Any man who advocates for any woman to do this is objectively, morally, and ethically a worthless sack of human feces who should die alone and unloved.
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u/not_brittsuzanne 1d ago
Yes.. and some really fucked up doctors will actually do it.
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u/Aran909 1d ago
Jesus. It's bad enough that you push a basketball out of essentially an elastic garden hose.
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u/Jazzlike_Adeptness_1 1d ago edited 1d ago
Nah he might be able to swim. Throw him off a cliff.
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u/SweetWaterfall0579 1d ago
I’ll have sharks brought in. Anchors, barracudas, weed, popcorn. Lemme know which cliff.
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u/v7_0 1d ago
Why would you want to feed something like that to such an important part of our ecosystems?
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u/Klutzy-Lavishness-36 1d ago
Hubby must have a pretty tiny "chubby" to need the husband stitchy roody roody roooooo!!!!....
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u/Sylvurphlame 1d ago
Correct counter.
If your dick was little bigger, you wouldn’t need me stitched tighter.
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u/General-Relief998 1d ago
If your dick were bigger, I wouldn't need a magnifying glass or tweezers to find it!! Nor would I need a stich!!
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u/Charmingbeauty5562 1d ago
I was thinking along the same line. But can you imagine how insulted and hurt he would be if she made a comment about that, especially in front of her family and their friends? Suddenly, comments about the body wouldn’t be so funny
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u/Pghchick0294 1d ago
She should make the comments in front of his family, it's probably a family trait. 🙂
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u/destiny_kane48 1d ago
Just gonna say my husband was horrified about a husband stitch he said "I wouldn't even be able to get in." So clearly you are correct that her husband is seriously inadequate.
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u/Miserable-Fondant-82 1d ago
Exactly this!!!!! What a disgusting POS this “husband” is. Divorce this man.
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u/vinegargirl757 1d ago
I thought the same thing.
I would have replied "sorry about your small peep!"
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u/Beth21286 1d ago
The concept of a 'husband stitch' in a woman's body is foul. It basically says your healing is irrelevant, I want sex. Well he can very much go f*ck himself. His family can too. He hasn't learned his lesson, he probably won't until the divorce papers are in his hands.
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u/johnspass 1d ago
Absolutely agree. The ‘husband stitch’ is a huge red flag and so is his blatant disrespect. Time for some serious boundaries and self-respect. Don't settle for less. NTA.
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u/SaltyWitchery 1d ago
Hopping on top comment to agree and say FUCK THAT GUY.
I was 100% all on board with you and then I read “husband stitch” and I think I fucking exploded in rage. What an utter douche bag. You should play that conversation for his family and see how they feel about that bullshit. I’m so red rn
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u/Alwaysaprairiegirl 1d ago
I hope she can get full custody so that he doesn’t turn their son into another version of himself. What a piece of human trash.
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u/notdemurenotmindful 1d ago
Don’t worry shitty partners like these tend to only want custody every other weekend.
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u/TinyWalrusBoi 1d ago
Yeah more often than not if someone has insane standards like that they learned it from someone, it’s also the same way with racism and sexism in my opinion, or at the least sexism can be a learned thing, like the parent of the same gender teaches the kid misogyny or misandry. It’d be better for OP to keep her son as far away from his father as possible so the kid doesn’t pick up his sexism.
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u/Starfoxy 1d ago
Just for the sake of pedantry-- the husband stitch doesn't even work. The vagina is the entire tube of tissue. A stitch at the opening does nothing for the muscle tone and resting state of the internal structure. These morons are acting like their "baggy jeans" with a too-small waist band are gonna feel like leggings.
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u/careful-monkey 1d ago
I just learned about the “husband stitch” from this post.. what a stupid fucking idea. Of course it causes trouble
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u/Thin_Grass4960 1d ago
I have three kids and never heard of it til now. Fracking ridiculous. You don't know how I am, stay away from it! Stupid also, cuz wtf does it have to do with harassing her about her weight? Is it also some unknown weight loss procedure? I don't think so!
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u/SamiraSimp 1d ago
maybe i should be thankful that my life is normal enough that i don't know this...but wtf is the "husband stitch"?
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u/Akot_elderm 1d ago
It’s basically this extra stitch or two to sew up and “tighten” the vaginal opening after a woman gives a vaginal birth. It’s insanely unethical and no decent doctor would ever do this.
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u/jeparis0125 1d ago
Plus it’s been unethical for ever. My oldest is almost 44 and my OB had an information session for first time moms and their partners. He said no reputable doctors would do this and to not even ask. He also said he listened to mom only when it came to pain relief - dad didn’t get a vote.
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u/SamiraSimp 1d ago
He also said he listened to mom only when it came to pain relief - dad didn’t get a vote.
sounds like a good OB!
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u/TinyWalrusBoi 1d ago
I mean I understand stitching things back up for the mom’s health (ie my mom should’ve had a c-section because she’s very petite and I was this massive 9lb baby and almost killed her on the way out, she had to get lots of stitches after) but stitching the opening just for the husband’s pleasure is vile. I don’t understand why this was ever a thing, it seems like a sexist concept, nevermind the fact that it actually exists and some men make their wives do this.
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u/Wild_Cockroach_2544 1d ago
An extra stitch for tearing after vaginal birth to make things tighter for the husbands pleasure.
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u/ForeignTry6780 1d ago
Yeah, no. My husband made a joke and it was years before it was comfortable. That comment alone would have me out the door.
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u/elephantorgazelle 1d ago
I got one without consent and it was hell. My husband hated it. Impacted us both until I had another kid and tore again, getting repaired properly.
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u/sweptawayyyy 1d ago
sorry you need an “extra stitch” for your micro penis gtfoh
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u/TinyWalrusBoi 1d ago
Exactly this, suggest he get some crazy dick surgery. Either way OP should divorce this misogynist.
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u/laynslay 1d ago edited 1d ago
At the risk of seeing some shit I don't want to see on Google, is a husbands stitch what it sounds like?
Aside from that, my wife and I are planning for next year and in a million years could never fuckin imagine treating her like that. At all. Not before or after her having our baby...
How can people be such assholes to their partners? I like to hope that people don't know their partners are this shitty until it's too late, but I think a lot of warning signs have to be there and it sucks that it takes a life altering decision to make it obvious.
Disclaimer: my intention is not to blame this woman. I fully believe he's just now showing his true colors I just wish she'd realized before all of this. Better now than never though
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u/artistandcrafter 1d ago
Yes, a husband stitch it what is sounds like. An extra stitch making the opening of a women’s vagina smaller, solely for the husbands “enjoyment”. It causes immense pain for a woman until it is corrected by a medical professional by cutting it open back to what it is supposed to be. Sometimes it’s an accident, sometimes the husbands request it. Usually the women don’t know it happened to them until it’s to late and they either live with the pain or get it fixed. I remember reading a story of a women who was given one (her husband was as appalled as she was). Because of the pain she couldn’t have sex anymore and it took years before they realized what happened. I don’t remember if they were able to get hers corrected or not but it basically wiped out any chance of having a sex life for this couple.
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u/Sad_Confidence9563 1d ago
Its not OP's fault her husband can't "fill her out" without literal medical intervention. Personally I'd make that joke, see how funny he finds it.
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u/NONE0FURBIZZ 1d ago
Anyone thinking it's funny to even joke about the whole obstetrics violence "husband stitch" deserves a perpetual restraining order from all women.
Get a lawyer quickly.
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u/Blue_Moon_Rabbit 1d ago
I bet he wasn’t really joking tho…
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u/Excellent-Fly5706 1d ago
He admitted to punishing her for not getting the husband stitch by making fun of her body. He literally said he wouldn’t be making fun of her if she had gotten the stitch. He’s not joking he’s evil asf
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u/Natural_Writer9702 23h ago
I’d have said ok, I’ll go get a “husband’s stitch” for you and you can get a penis enlargement for me. What’s the matter? That hurt? But I’m only thinking of improving our sex life or do you really want me to fake it forever?
But I can be a petty bitch when I want to be.
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u/lunar_adjacent 1d ago
He definitely wasn’t. He is making it clear that her body is only there to make him happy.
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u/cthulhusmercy 1d ago edited 1d ago
His defense of “if you had gotten the ‘husband stitch’ like I suggested, maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal” shows that it definitely was not a joke.
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u/Kjdking78 1d ago
I just looked up 'husband's stitch' and I am disgusted. It is unethical and unnecessary and just...... no. I'm a man and would never think to ask for this.
this guy is an insensitive jackass who only seems to care about how things affect him. Maybe she should respond to him with something like "well maybe if you weren't so tiny down there you wouldn't need me to get that stitch" and see how hurt he would be. For F sakes she just pushed out a child, does that not give her some excuse to not be totally fit.
NTA
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u/Excellent-Fly5706 1d ago
Bruh not to be vulgar but if someone stitched me smaller that’s be PAINFUL sex would hurt so damn bad that’s so unnatural and unnecessary. What happens if you have another baby after that? Tear again bc they stitched you too far? Bs I hate how they don’t gaf ab women in medicine it’s DISGUSTING
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u/Neenknits 1d ago
Yes, it hurts. I had it done, I don’t think she did it on purpose. I think it was standard, bad technique the OB learned. But I don’t know. When I had my 2nd kid, the midwife said I’d been stitched too tight the first time, and I had a tiny tear, and she wasn’t stitching it, I’d be happier that way. She was right. The pain stopped! Granted, I also had a clitoral tear. Yes, really. It’s not as bad as it sounds. Most common reason appears to be when the kid, like mine, comes out fist first. She stitched that, which promptly ripped out. We just left it alone, after that, and it healed fine. I can tell you, that the episiotomy stitched too far hurt dramatically more for the next two years, and took longer to heal than the minor usual tear AND the clitoral tear. The latter healed in a week, and caused no trouble until I had the next kid, when it burned and I needed to put pressure on it while pushing. Other than that, it was fine. Those husband stitches are the worse!
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u/mondays_arebongodays 1d ago
A resident in July sewed me up after my first baby. I don’t think he did it intentionally, but there was a very painful oversew and I couldn’t figure out what was hurting me so badly. It wasn’t just a sex thing it was every step I took, ever time I sat, etc. felt like a horrible pinch and wouldn’t heal. Finally my midwife figured it out and was like ok we can fix this at the birth center with no anesthetic or we can take you to the hospital for lidocaine. I was like whatever just do it. So she cut the oversew and it was instant relief. The “husband stitch” is life-altering mutilation of a brand new mother.
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u/Gnd_flpd 1d ago
I always wonder whenever I see the word "husband's stitch" I'm curious are only male surgeons performing that or do we have some woman surgeons that are deluded into performing that procedure.
NTA
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u/lechitahamandcheese 1d ago
It’s unethical and is considered malpractice if done intentionally. No ethical OB/GYN would do it, and it would also be a reportable incident by staff as well.
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u/Neenknits 1d ago
The doctor that stitched me too tight was a woman. I don’t know why she did. Maybe it was just poorly done. Maybe she was taught wrong. Maybe internalized misogyny. I don’t know. But it HURTS.
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u/pumpkin-patch85 1d ago
Your husband is a discusting pos.
He doesn't want you to feel good.
He wants you sewed up so he can use your body like a fleshlight.
He doesn't see you as human.
He doesn't love you at all.
He is beyond vile to see the husband stitch as anything other than female mutilation meant to aid the tiny dickmeat of vile husbands who enjoy hurting thier wives sexually post partum.
Divorce immediately.
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u/cheercheer00 1d ago
Right, the "I thought you wanted to feel good again" comment was clearly about himself. Absolutely disgusting.
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u/Muss_ich_bedenken 1d ago
Come on, it was just a little banter. Everyone laughed.
EVERYONE laughed. But you.
That's insulting. Not funny.
NTA
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u/suziq338 1d ago
This will be your life, and your children’s lives, forever if you go back. Ouch.
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u/muaddict071537 1d ago
Yep. Baby boy will grow up thinking it’s ok to talk to women like that.
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u/Muss_ich_bedenken 1d ago
What will it be like for the children when they still have a bit of baby fat on their legs and dad puts them down because of it? Lifelong damaged attitude towards their own body and food.
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u/AllCrankNoSpark 1d ago
It seems that he thinks her vagina is the problem, not that she’s overweight.
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u/Amedeo6022 1d ago
Hold up. Y’all were in a group setting, and the “joke” he made about your body was specifically about your vaginal canal, and other ppl laughed? Fucking whoa. All those ppl are nasty.
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u/Muss_ich_bedenken 1d ago
NTA
https://twitter.com/ask_aubry/status/1651003975691296769?t=-1aW-OMvG6R1jNc0vKppUg&s=19
Video about the consequences of husband stitch
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u/JanetInSpain 1d ago
"Just a joke" is the rallying cry of every bully on the planet. Then he makes a crass comment about the misogynist "husband stitch"?!?!
Your husband has been bullying you and you had every right to leave. Tell his family to fuck off. You are NTA.
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u/Apprehensive_War9612 1d ago edited 1d ago
NT The “husband’s stitch” is abusive and no reputable OB does that bs. You don’t have to put up with abuse so he can have a relationship with his child. That is what visitation & a custody order is for.
Ask yourself if this is how you want your entire life to go. Being insulted, mocked & disrespected by your husband, in front of others. Ask yourself what will that teach your son.
And when his family reaches out, remember he felt comfortable speaking that way in front of them. Knowing they would never object. Because that abuse is ok with them.
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u/SteampunkHarley 1d ago
Husband stitch? Aw hell naw. That would have messed you up and if my husband ever uttered a word about it, he would be ex
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u/averageidea 1d ago
46 years old and 5 kids later, I just learned the term “husband’s stitch” and now I hate the world just a tiny bit more.
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u/Melodic_Pattern175 1d ago
NTA. I can’t even. Block his family, get a lawyer, get your mind set on the future and how much healthier it will be without this guy.
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u/Alfred-Register7379 1d ago
NTA. Divorce him and his husband stitch.
Plenty of men who don't mind being a father. PLEN-TY.
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u/jaydenB44 1d ago
Has he read anything about how devastating the husband stitch is to a woman and it destroys sex for so many couples. He’s a tiny little man who needs to speak with a gynecologist to truly understand what he’s even speaking about.
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u/Old-Profession-9686 1d ago
With an attitude like his, education wouldn't do shit since he isn't concerned about his wife, as evidenced in the comments on her body and his encouragement for the husband stitch in the first place
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u/Awkward-Pay-7620 1d ago
NTA. Tell him you wouldn't need a husband stitch if he was built like a man instead of a little boy.
Then send him information on the husband stitch is actually harmful to women causing sex to be so painful that they never want sex again.
Then serve him with divorce papers and full custody of your son. He should not be allowed to make your son as misogynistic as he is.
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u/lesliecarbone 1d ago
tl;dr: OP's STBX mocks her postpartum weight because his pee-pee is so small.
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u/CakePhool 1d ago
NTA. The husband stich can cause you harm and honestly if he was good in bed , you would be tight as a needle eye. He doesn't turn you on and doesn't even know where the clitoris is.
Start joking about his penis size and get a divorce.
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u/RandomPolishGurl 1d ago
The vagina is "looser" after giving birth because THE FREAKING BABY WENT THROUGH IT. It does return to its previous size but it can take up to nine months because again ITS HEALING AFTER THE BABY WENT THROUGH IT.
He is bullying and humiliating you for ABSOLUTELY NORMAL THING THAT HAPPENS AFTER GIVING BIRTH.
A husbands stitch causes the tissue at the opening to SCARR. Scars DON'T STRETCH. You can be looking at A LIFETIME of painful sex and other problems because of it.
Is he a fucking child that he cannot handle your body changing AFTER GIVING BIRTH TO HIS FREAKING SON??? Some changes may be more permament than others, but vagina WILL go back to normal. Your uterus will shrink back.
I dont think i could forgive something like this.
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u/Clever_mudblood 1d ago
I’ve only had one baby, but in my experience… it goes back. Mine is arguably tighter than before because of lack of physical intimacy (first from the healing period, then… ya know… newborn/infant/toddler that makes it hard to get alone time lmao). We still do, it’s just a lot less frequent than before. So yes, it’s loose immediately after, but it returns to normal with time.
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u/bunny_rainbow 1d ago
It’s important for a relationship to be based on mutual respect, and unfortunately, your husband hasn’t shown that respect with his comments. While he may see his words as "jokes," the reality is they’ve hurt you deeply. Your body has undergone an incredible transformation, and instead of being criticized, you should be celebrated for bringing life into the world. You’re not overreacting—you’re simply asking for the respect and empathy you deserve
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u/PurrincessPixie 1d ago
You’re not at fault for wanting to preserve your dignity and self-esteem. Your husband’s comments, especially after childbirth, are unacceptable. As your partner, he should be supporting and celebrating you, not making you feel lesser. By leaving, you’re sending a clear message that you won’t tolerate disrespect. While it’s painful, sometimes taking a firm stand is what’s needed for the other person to realize the harm they’re causing
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u/sweetangelbei 1d ago
You’re not in the wrong for leaving. Your husband’s comments were incredibly hurtful, and your reaction is entirely understandable. The fact that he not only makes jokes about your body but does so in front of others shows a lack of respect for you. You’ve gone through a physically and emotionally challenging process with childbirth, and you should be receiving support, not mockery. Leaving was a way to protect yourself and your baby from an emotionally unhealthy situation
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u/sonegrita 1d ago
Leaving that situation was not just an act of self-protection but also protection for your child. Your husband’s constant comments create a negative environment where you feel devalued and underappreciated, which isn’t healthy for you or your baby. It’s important that your husband understands that respect for you as a mother and a woman is fundamental. You’re not overreacting; you’re prioritizing your emotional well-being and that of your child
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u/mimiicupcake 1d ago
You have every right to feel hurt and disrespected by your husband’s comments. Making jokes about your body, especially in front of others, is not acceptable. It’s understandable that you would want to remove yourself and your baby from that environment. Your feelings matter, and it’s important to prioritize your emotional well-being.
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u/Interesting_Chef_896 1d ago
My daughters gynecologist told me a story about the one guy that asked if she was going to give his wife an extra stitch. She told him to drop his pants so she could see just how many stitches it would take to make a difference for him. He shut up and never spoke to her again