As someone with severe ADHD, I agree with you here fully. When I did have a learner's permit, I nearly got into an accident one day precisely because I couldn't concentrate on everything all at once. Keeping my foot on the gas pedal with just the right amount of pressure to go the correct speed, holding the steering wheel correctly, my mom teaching me what to do, remembering when to start applying the breaks, watching the road ahead of me, keeping an eye on the person behind me... it was too much. That was 23 years ago and I've realized I will never be as mobile as other people my age, but that's okay because I don't want to be risking my and other people's lives every single time I want to go out somewhere.
I was not diagnosed until I was 40, but I had my learners permit for 2 years due to all of that and the anxiety attacks I had while learning to drive. If this kid has severe ADHD she shouldn’t be licensed already.
I am 76F adult ADHD and have a history of aversion to driving, as in didn't get license until age 30, bags not driving when I can get away with it, husband is scared of my driving, and will use public transit or walk at the drop of a hat.
I am now retired and my fuel tank only gets filled maybe every 3-4 months.
This whole thread has explained a couple strange issues in my life: my hostility to driving and the education system.
These comments make me feel a lot better about not driving. People keep telling me it's "not that hard" but honestly what do they know??? It shouldn't be "that hard" for me to do a lot of things, but somehow, it takes me longer to do them and longer to recover than it does for other people. I hope that sentence structure was functional. When I say, "I want to drive," what I mean is, "I want to live in a walkable community with functional public transportation." I don't actually want to drive.
There's been a real trend to diagnosis of ADHD because our society is obsessed with having identities. The problem is the threshold for an ADHD diagnosis is so low now many people that really don't need the diagnosis get it and it has diluted the perception in the public of how impactful true severe ADHD can be.
I think once the law and insurance catches up to the risk management of neuro diverse conditions, a lot of people will get an unpleasant shock when suddenly they are being asked to re apply for driving licences every few years or their car insurance premiums are higher.
I was advised a long time ago that you should never get a formal diagnosis unless you can't access support or handle the impact yourself. Workplace bias is very real for ADHD now, and it wasn't the case 5 years ago before it became a popular condition to have, this makes really feel for those that are genuinely impacted by ADHD
My psychiatrist wouldn't treat me with medication without a diagnosis. I was struggling in school a lot (college). So I needed one. Also, we definitely should not be applying a law saying that you need to reapply. One oersons adhd might not be anywhere as severe as the next. That's not fair and not right imo.
I had severe adhd and still do but I was diagnosed decently young and have learned to manage it what a lot of people here aren’t understanding is everyone is different there are a lot of people who are saying adhd makes it impossible to drive and for some that is totally true but for others like myself I think it makes it easier to drive I never have any issues while I’m driving/riding a motorcycle most likely because I actually enjoy it there is nothing to get distracted by because the act of driving is fun. Everyone is different and we shouldn’t exclude someone simply because of a diagnosis however in this case with Casey’s car I feel the trust was misplaced and they need to make it up to Casey
I should note I'm responding from a European perspective and general we aren't as quick to medicated, a holistic treatment is generally viewed as better for long term prognosis rather than creating life long patients.
Regarding the law where I am there is a list of jobs and conditions that either prevent you from driving for work, or have additional licence requirements.
We currently blob ADHD into one giant pool of people which as I was inferring is unfair to those with most severe conditions.
It might not seem fair to you but it comes down to risk management and fundamentally that's large amounts of data and analysis where the individual circumstances does not matter.
Medical related driving licences conditions happens all the time, I've got several friends with different conditions that have certain aspects applied to their driving, such as legally can only drive automatics or have to have heart monitor etc.
Don't love this. People don't seek out dx to have an identity. They do it to learn how to manage their symptoms and be taken seriously by the medical system.
I also have ADHD, among other things. I kind of wonder whether they're at least treating Alana's ADHD. I personally quit driving about seven years ago when I noticed my concentration was getting really bad. I would like to try again someday, but I don't think I could do it without medication.
I'm a woman with ADHD, and I didn't get my driver's license until I was 26. I think being older the first time I drove helped a lot, I wouldn't have been able to cope at 17.
I learned 2 years ago (36 now). I wish I’d learned sooner cause it turns out I love it and am really good it at. But with how severe my ADHD is (I still fully meet almost all criteria - including hyperactivity. Which is less common in women and usually internalises as you age when you have ADHD), if it didn’t turn out to be a huge hyper focus trigger, I wouldn’t have been able to pass my test. Not a chance.
ADHD is less recognised in women in general. But they don’t tend to present the same ‘outward’ hyperactivity that boys/men do. Likely due to societal norms more than actual symptomatology. But the upswing of that is that their hyperactivity ends up more internalised rather than the stereotypical external hyperactivity (I am generalising, not talking about in ‘all’ cases).
Think adding this long explanation might have made my comment a little bloated 😉
While I absolutely understand, & have other neurospicy friends who have had the same experience, I drove everywhere (no busses where I lived) & didn't get in an accident until my mid 20s that both drivers were at fault for. I'm also super, super visually oriented, so...
~ shrug ~
Some neurodivergent people drive okay & some don't.
What I still want to know is if they thought she wasn't safe to drive, why were they letting her do so at all? I also want to know if she's getting any treatment or therapy? Does she have an IEP? Or are they failing her by coddling her while simultaneously telling her "if she just tried harder..."
It's very true, we are all so different. Different experiences, different presentations and symptoms, different skillsets, coping mechanisms, so much variation. I love talking to other neurospicy people, our experiences are so varied.
Just because I waited until I was older and it was the right decision for ME does not mean that it's the best decision for everyone.
You have an excellent point, it sounds like the parents have dropped the ball here and both kids are suffering for it. The answer to why is that it's convenient for them to have kids that drive, and this can be justified a million different ways that sound very stupid and irresponsible when said aloud.
I got mine at 21 for the same reason. I was terrified to drive, and I used to shame myself for that. Looking back, waiting to drive probably saved me and others from a lot of potential wrecks.
In America, I think we push teenagers to drive too soon. There's no developmental reason that we have to start at 16. If people want to wait, we should applaud their maturity and good judgment.
Guy with ADHD. Being older helped. I knew I was a menace on the road and waited almost 25 years to get a license.
Still getting into fender benders, but it's mostly harmless (to vehicles) and no one's ever been hurt. Couldn't guarantee that if I'd gotten the license as a teen.
Same. I actually didn't even own a car until I was 40. I have the self awareness now to pull over and take a break when I feel my attention wandering. That took many years to develop.
Also a woman with ADHD who just got her license at 26 :) I think there’s no way I could’ve handled driving at 16, and I lived in a major suburb as a teen so learning to drive at 26 in a rural area worked out much better for me.
Same I'm 40 and have ADHD and while not severe I'm not as mobile as most in my age group because I know I have times I don't concentrate as well, especially if a lot is going on in town. I tend to only drive when I know traffic will be lighter so during non rush hour times. If I have to drive during rush hour times I keep all distractions to a minimum and write myself a list of where I need to go and what I need to get. OPs sister sounds like she needs her license revoked and maybe she can try again in a few years after a new treatment plan and she has had some time to learn new ways to drive while having ADHD.
Yeah me too. If you’re going to use someone’s medical disability as the reason you’re not an AH, you need to describe the disability and the accommodations you’re making for it.
I have ADHD but only struggle to drive if someone I’m scared of criticism from is with me. I can focus on driving when it’s fun, but when I feel graded, it all goes downhill 😅
My pretty severe autistic niece (25y/o) wanted her DL sooooo bad, I told her it’s not a good idea and though it made her cry, I never wavered from that. BUT to show her I support her trying to earn something she wants, I took her to get her learners permit after she spent a month online practicing the test. She did not pass the first time so we went again a month later and she passed. That afternoon I took her to an empty parking lot and let her actually get behind the wheel of my car, and she did pretty good for her very first time behind the wheel. We’ll… when it was time to stop practice I pointed to where I wanted her to stop, she was so thrilled that she did good that she got too excited, floored it while turning the wheels, up and over a curb crashing into a tree. After a few seconds of us looking at each other in shock, I started laughing. She was so relieved I was not upset at her. I realized in those few seconds that I had totally proved my earlier point of why it’s not safe for her to drive, and to be fair I did allow her to drive my car, so at least partially my own fault. And honestly I love her more than my car or money so… ok. It’s a good story we can share forever ❤️
Thankfully she was able to split the deductible with me and the car was fixed, no one was hurt and she now KNOWS that it’s not as easy as it looks especially when concentrating is involved.
This was 2 years ago and though she still talks about it, we’ve agreed that she needs to go to a special drive school who work with disability clients to help her make the decision if it’s safe.
Wtf I wish MY dad actually considered ADHD a real condition, along with depression. In my house, it was- you fucking go to work despite being sad. It was just part of my dad’s upbringing. Yo baby someone over ADHD is beyond stupid. Get them checked out and let them adapt
Same boat. I didn't properly get diagnosed until a few years ago, I think at 33 or 34? My dad doesn't believe in it so just refused to get me tested and treated. My 19-year-old half-sibling also has it (he accidentally got them diagnosed) and he refuses to help them treat it as well. I'm also late-diagnosed autistic, guessing that's a similar situation though my sibling has not been diagnosed.
This doesn’t change or excuse anything, but it’s really hard to get treated for ADHD at the moment. For the past few years there’s been a major shortage of ADHD medication, so a lot of people are going untreated. I’ve gone through pretty much every pharmacy in my area to try to get my prescriptions filled. The last place I relied on to have it in stock told me they probably wouldn’t be getting it in again in the future and it’s looking like that might be the case with my current pharmacy too. None of the big chains (Walgreens, CVS, etc) have had it for almost a year now. It’s possible that the area OP is in just doesn’t have it anywhere. It sucks. It’s affecting people’s ability to hold jobs or pass their classes or generally function in society.
I’m not an expert and I’ve heard conflicting things, but there are a few likely factors.
One is that the shift to work from home during Covid made more people aware of their attention issues and resulted in a spike of diagnosis.
Another is that there are regulations limiting how much pharmaceutical companies are allowed to produce, although I’ve heard that they aren’t producing up to that limit anyway. That’s the really confusing thing for me. If they can produce more, why don’t they?
There is probably someone who has a better, more factual answer, but those are the reasons I’ve heard.
The most frustrating thing is that this has been going on for so long now with no end in sight. It feels like no one with any power cares about fixing this issue. It feels like the shortage is the goal or something.
This won't have your ADHD meds most likely, unless you're on atomoxetine (Strattera), guanfacine (Intuniv), clonidine (Kapvay), or a similar non-stimulant medication, BUT I highly recommend Cost Plus Drug Company for medications that are in short stock or too expensive typically. They don't do controlled substances, but they've been a lifesaver time and time again during supply issues and insurance BS. I love that I get to see a cost breakdown as well.
I’ve never been diagnosed, but from 30-35 noticed a scary degradation of concentration. I had something like 4 accidents in two years and more close calls than I want to acknowledge. After totaling my car I committed to not buying another and use my motorcycle for all commuting and haven’t had a close call in almost a year. I fully believe I was bored while driving a car, I would start picking my nails while in traffic and stuff. On a bike my head is on a swivel.
I don't have medication currently but i love driving the caveat is I cannot drive without music. I will frequently misdirections and make the wrong turn but if I have no music then I start overthinking and having issues with concentrating. But if I just concentrate on the music, the rest of the driving kind of just comes naturally and it was really scary at first but music always helped cuz you just focus on that and take it one thing at a time
I have mild add & stopped driving bc I hated hubbys truck bc of size.. and we just got a smaller suv & I now struggle with driving faster then 30-35 mph! 😒 It sucks I do regret not driving for 4 yrs now but never thought of my add causing it! I still don’t drive much bc of this! Driving was always kindof stressful except in the first few years! Didn’t drive until 22 tho either!
I'm quite disabled otherwise as well, but that was kind of the cherry on top of the "guess I'm not going anywhere" cake, lol. I have someone to bring me things when needed.
I wondered this. From the struggle with homework angle I assumed PROBABLY not. Because a lot of my struggles with maintaining focus in profesh settings like school would have been easier to maintain had I known when I was a kid.
Thank you for putting everyone's safety first! Seriously! As a bike commuter seeing people staring at their phones in the drivers seat a mere 6 feet from my little bike seat, I live in constant terror of who can't or won't control themselves. One of these days somebody is going to feel an inconvenient bump from their metal box while I feel my limbs being sheered off my body.
Commented a long rant about this on a different response. I have pretty bad adhd and couldn’t handle driving at that age. I wasn’t mature enough and it was too much. I’m an adult now, and honestly, a pretty good driver, but I tell people that I learned from trial and error.
⚠️Disclaimer: driving a vehicle is not something that should be learned from trial and error.
I’m also someone with ADHD I held off getting my license for many reasons one of which was I was definitely not mature enough to drive and I got around with public transport or being the passenger until I was 21. At that point I was mature enough, necessary enough to learn and start driving.
I couldn’t even listen to music the entire first year I learned to drive because I knew I could be too easily distracted. My adhd is thankfully on the milder side (which is lucky, because I can’t take the meds anymore since they trigger my migraines) and I’ve managed to avoid being the cause of any accidents. But I did have to take a completely different (and much longer) route awhile back because a van with video screens on it was driving in front of me playing political ads. I’m super distractible when it comes to tv screens, I was so pissed to find out those were 1) even a thing and 2) legal. I’ve seen a few since then and I always have to take a different route when I see them, it’s just too risky to stay near them.
I have audhd cptsd and borderline. Driving was hard for me. I had driving anxiety and got 2 strikes on my liscense at 19. I realized that I must’ve been doing something wrong and slowed down on the driving. I looked back at all of the times that I made mistakes and made rules for myself. At the time, I was driving my car that my mom passed down to me. I really love that car and knew that I wouldn’t be able to get another if I messed this up. Here’s some of my rules.
-don’t look too far into the distance/at scenery (I space out)
-think actively about the distance between the cars around you constantly(otherwise, I won’t remember to be aware of my surroundings)
-always blink and look hard at the signal light before speeding up after a red light.
-no fancy shoes 👠
-no uncomfy clothes while I drive.
-no passengers besides special occasions.
-always have maps open for the speedometer. (I have trouble reading the one on my car and end up spacing out)
My parents never helped me with my disabilities. I had to learn this on my own. I think 16yo needs to try some things on her own and wait until 18 to drive. My mom made me wait and I made myself wait another half year. There has to be some self awareness. How can the parents teach it if they don’t have any themselves??? Parents, please get tested for adhd. You relate so much to your adhd daughter that you’re parentifying the older one. Also, who says that your oldest doesn’t have adhd???
My parents always focused on my sister, saying we need to help because of her adhd. Little did they know, I also had it and they’d have know if they payed a second of attention to me. It’s so bad that I worked hard af to win student of the year award for my career pathway and no one acknowledged. I suffered so bad through my symptoms and only slept 2 hours for YEARS to accomplish this. Please don’t forget to ask your older daughter what she needs and if she’s struggling. Just because she does ‘the important things’ well, doesn’t mean she can’t be struggling already. Seeing as how one daughter has been diagnosed and it’s possible that op has adhd, I wouldn’t find it hard to believe if oldest has it and is masking. This story sucks and it’s so triggering. Holyyy.
Same! I can essentially only drive in my town because I know it like the back of my hand, there’s no traffic, no one way roads, etc
Beyond that, especially in the city, has on more than one occasion led me driving down the wrong side of the road because I was so focused on all the traffic that I didn’t notice it was a one way road, which is not something I’m used to. I haven’t driven outside of my town since the second time it happened and I realized the first time wasn’t just a fluke.
People get frustrated that I can drive but not outside of my town and are always like “you have to practice.” I’m like, how the hell do you expect me to do that without risking my life and the lives of other people? Both times I went down the wrong road, other people were in the car. They weren’t able to react until I already made the mistake.
It’s not worth it. I won’t do it. And that sucks, but it would suck even more to injure or kill some else because of it.
I also have ADHD and steuggle in college. I'm not a teenager, but I don't have a license yet. I do have a permit and have been driving. I didn't have those issues. Your adhd can be severe and you can still drive and not have an issue.
Nobody who is 16 should be driving a valued car until they have mire experience, that's the issue here. I also wonder if OP is treating her adhd and if so, how? Is she actually getting the proper help?
My adhd makes my life so difficult, but I’ve still had to work, finish classes, make appointments, drive all around the state, pay for my own shit, take care of a sick parent, care for pets, etc. It’s absolutely really fucking hard, but saying “she has ADHD she can’t do it” was NOT what made me learn how to cope and balance all of this shit. I needed eased INTO responsibilities, not kept sheltered from them until I became a helpless adult.
Did you just not bother getting a license then? Don’t feel bad. I have a few friends like that! It was just never for them.
I just started driving again after a few years’ hiatus and while I’ve never had attention span issues, this comment fits right now as I get back into it. I remember what it’s like being a new driver! I laugh at myself because I won’t even turn the radio on, like when I was 16. Honestly I like being “new” again because I feel hella safer than when I took driving for granted.
I also have ADHD and so do my kids, they were 18 before getting their licenses ( this was not a fight, they were fearful because of a couple fatal car accidents of classmates at their high school), They got a lot of one on one practice with their neurotypical dad.
I'm sorry you can't drive. I'm also really fuckin' proud of you for realizing that's the case, and taking the responsible course of action in dealing with that fact.
I did this the first time I ever drove, so much concentration everywhere. I forgot to put on a blinker and my dad pulled the wheel back before the other person hit me. We stopped in a parking lot and he yelled until I was sobbing and he drove home. It was so traumatic that I to this day hate driving even if I'm better at it.
I was 23 and I'm 33 now. I'm always on edge when driving because I'm afraid to make mistakes. Luckily I work very close to home. Anything 30 minutes or over freaks me out now.
I don’t have ADHD. But when learning to drive with my brother, a kestrel landed in the middle of the lane I was driving down, just as I was concentrating on changing gear.
My mind went blank. Just total Freeze. In my panic, I forgot I could break.
I put my wheels either side of the wee bird and drove over it. I kept going about 15 metres before I stopped.
The kestrel was fine. But I was terrified & mortified in equal measure. Freeze had often been my panic response. The realisation that such a response could cause the death of others was suddenly so abundantly, horrifyingly clear.
Though my brother insisted we complete the lesson, I never continued thereafter.
I think it might be somewhat easier in Britain compared to the US though. Particularly in / near cities. Since public transport is pretty ubiquitous. Even if it’s consistently running a tad late.
I had to trick my brain into loving driving by making it a game. Hyperfocing on my surroundings. Talking to myself while driving to keep me stimulated. So many little extra things.
Meds helped a lot. Especially Lexapro for the massive crippling driving anxiety.
A little confidence goes along way. I'm planning taking a road trip next year. I've had my license for half a year and I'm trying to embrace driving because I realize that it means the freedom to move around and experience new interesting things.
Create a vision for your future that involves you having to absolutely have your license. To get to that future person you will have to work hard.
I was letting my diagnosis determine what I can and cannot do. Fuck that shit. "Imma do just what I want looking ahead no turning back" 🎵🎵
I have severe ADHD as well (undiagnosed until my 20s). In my first 10 years of driving, I had over 20 fender benders and totaled 3 cars. I should NEVER have been behind a wheel. It shocks me that I was allowed to continue to drive. I'm just glad I lived long enough to get a diagnosis and treatment.
But...I did go to school (honors and AP classes) and have a job. It was very stressful and difficult, but actually significantly easier than driving!
Yep, I’ve got ADHD and I cannot concentrate long enough to drive. I didn’t even bother trying to get my license. Because it just would’ve been bad for everybody and I can acknowledge that.
Exactly. In my case, I learned that I could drive really well if I didn't have passengers or listen to new music, like the radio or a new album. These 3 activities are all hyperfocuses for me. The convergence of 2 or 3 of those is very dangerous.
During my driving test, although I almost got a perfect score, I made a stupid mistake because the DMV guy would. not. shut. up. 20 years later, it still makes me mad.
The few times I've had a passenger have been in emergency situations (where the person was unwell enough to be silent) or during road trips (because they'd be asleep during my driving time).
I've always made it clear that if I have to drive, they absolutely MUST be quiet. That it's dangerous if they don't. I even turn up the music in a way to prevent conversation, yet not be annoyingly loud.
But most people refuse to be quiet - it's damn near a compulsion for them to carry on a conversation no matter what - so I drive alone.
My sister has ADHD. One night she simply didn't notice that she was driving 100 miles an hour when she got pulled over. She'd been driving for 10 years at that point, but was on auto pilot and it was a quiet straight road. Thank God she didn't wreck and most certainly kill herself and others at that speed.
I totally get this, even though I don't have ADHD! When I first learned to drive, it seemed like an almost impossible task to watch the road while also watching the speed gauge while also looking out for stop signs and other signage and traffic signals, pedestrians, etc. etc. It was like my eyes had to be everywhere at once!
It sounds like mom and dad were the irresponsible ones here. And what was Alana's pressing need for a car that day, at that moment? Why did she HAVE to have a car?
Honestly this same thing is why I prefer public transport. Same here, I'm really not trusty of my attention on the road and I'd be too afraid of driving in a daily basis
You put this very well I remember feeling the exact same way learning to drive. I also have ADHD. Me driving if I took my meds is a totally different driver than if I didn’t that day. I try to avoid driving if I didn’t take my meds since it tends to scare people
Same. I didn’t actually start driving myself until I was 19. I failed my drivers ed for staying stopped at a green light I failed to see change. But now I’ve only ever gotten a speeding ticket once my entire 2 decades of driving. Just needed a little extra time.
I have pretty severe ADHD, was diagnosed at 14 and am 37 now. I love driving and I would say I'm pretty good at it, partly because there's enough going on that I can actually focus. I'm shocked to see so many people with ADHD agree that driving is difficult. Which makes me think it's not about "allowing" people with ADHD to drive, but making sure there's plenty of alternatives to driving such as good public transportation and walking/biking friendly roads.
I’m actually shocked so many people are agreeing. As long as I’ve taken my meds I have zero problems being a safe driver. I don’t even speed unless everyone else is speeding a lot and me driving the speed limit is causing road rage, in which case I’ll go like 75mph on the highway when the speed limit is 70, and everyone else is going 80.
I spent a lot of time in parking lots. So much time in parking lots. Than a lot of time on deserted streets with a paid instructor. It was very hard to learn to drive, and quite frankly, if I had not been able to learn in an environment without other cards, I would not have been able to learn.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, but my parents said it was just a fad thing doctors made up to sedate kids and refused to let me take meds. So I never got any treatment.
I definitely didn't do as well in school as I could have but luckily my ADHD was mild enough that I could drive well enough.
After a car accident when I was 20, which was a big cluster fuck and not caused by my ADHD (though it may have contributed to my slower reaction), I had a head injury and it was like someone turned my ADHD up to 11. I couldn't focus on anything. Even when the concussion mostly healed and I was starting to get ready to function again, I just couldn't drive because I was so incredibly distracted. For the first time in my life I had to start taking ADHD meds just to function. If I miss a pill for some reason, I can tell as soon as I get into the car and I can't focus on the road in front of me. It's the most obvious sign that I've forgotten my meds. It's been almost 9 years since my accident and I am a scattered disaster if I don't take my pills. I can't imagine anyone being able to drive with ADHD that severe.
I guess mine isn’t as bad? I have adhd and I have always LOVED driving. It really keeps me focused. As a teenager when I would feel overwhelmed or depressed, I would go for a drive and I’d always feel better because I had to focus on that and other things fell to the backside of my brain (I don’t know how else to describe it because stuff is always going on in my brain, but sometimes I can shove some back).
So….now I’m a truck driver!
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u/zombies-and-coffee 5d ago
As someone with severe ADHD, I agree with you here fully. When I did have a learner's permit, I nearly got into an accident one day precisely because I couldn't concentrate on everything all at once. Keeping my foot on the gas pedal with just the right amount of pressure to go the correct speed, holding the steering wheel correctly, my mom teaching me what to do, remembering when to start applying the breaks, watching the road ahead of me, keeping an eye on the person behind me... it was too much. That was 23 years ago and I've realized I will never be as mobile as other people my age, but that's okay because I don't want to be risking my and other people's lives every single time I want to go out somewhere.