I would guess they took the vehicle replacement money and used it to cover medical costs related to the wreck.
Op, yta. And you are really bold to assume family therapy would push your oldest daughter into behaving normally after what was taken from her.
THAT'S what I want to know. OP says they had almost enough for a replacement, and then mentions medical bills. If they had most enough from insurance, surely they could have bought Casey a slightly cheaper car? That would be better than nothing, but it seems like OP is far too comfortable making Casey sacrifice for her family.
Imo all the insurance money for the payout for the vehicle alone should have went back to the daughter who bought the car so she knew what she had to work with when considering a different vehicle. Had this happened , she may not be acting how she is..
Absolutely! It seems they ignored the fact that car insurance is to replace the car and health insurance is to cover medical costs. OP is definitely YTA
They didn't ignore. The medical bills are their responsibility because the girl is a minor. They selected minimal coverage and got hit with a hefty bill. Then they (more than likely) took the money that was paid out for the car to cover their responsibilities and said they'd replace it when they could.
What makes me think OP is an ah from another realm is how he thinks the oldest daughter shouldn't be upset about it or acting out at all. The girl just got robbed by her parents and they're trying to force her to be agreeable about it.
Don't most car insurance policies have a certain amount of property damage/ medical coverage? If I'm not mistaken, I totaled my car when I was 16 (although this is literally 20 years ago now). My sister got glass in her head when the windows shattered and went in an ambulance to get stitches. I felt horrible that she got hurt, but I remember being so worried my mom was going to be mad at me about the money because my mom was a penny pincher (We weren't broke, my mom was an accountant and didn't like to spend) and I specifically remember her saying insurance covered the ambulance/ medical. I always assumed it was the car insurance? Anyway, these people must have some terrible insurance coverage...
Health insurance won't cover medical bills from a car accident. If there was lasting damages, maybe depends on your insurance.. Car insurance will cover bills from a wreck or it's out of pocket.
This may be a state-by-state thing, but if I break my arm, whether it’s in a car accident or playing football, my health insurance will cover it. They may want to go after the other party if it was an accident, but I’m still covered.
If you're the driver. And it's your fault. And your insurance covered the max amount allowed already, you would be liable for any costs left uncovered.
You health care could temporarily cover it but you'll owe the money back if you're the one at fault for the collision and it's your vehicle insurance that already paid the max out.
In their case the insurance would go after them. They choose the coverage for the driver and made it low to have low payments. This was the cost of selecting to be undercovered.
In Florida you have to bill your auto insurance first then the other parties once to max out the auto insurance you get a letter to say it is maxed out and you can then bill the health insurance company
lol. Here’s hoping you never get sick or injured. You find out real fast that almost NO ONE has adequate health insurance because there is no such thing for most people.
Ruptured my Achilles last year and couldn’t walk for months. It cost about $3000 out of pocket, but would have been $15k+ without insurance. I use to live in Europe and know how fucked U.S. health insurance is, but having to use the insurance money from the car to pay for injuries seems like a massive failure in proper coverage by the parents.
And how much did that level of insurance cost you? Or are you very fortunate and have great employer covered insurance?
Because I am fortunate enough to have that through my husband's work.
Before that, crap insurance would have cost my family 500 a month we simply didn't have. Much less the 1000+ a month for fair to middling insurance, or the 1500+ for actual good insurance.
I just can't find it in me to blame someone for being underinsuted medical wise in the US.
The car insurance? Absolutely a failure. But not the medical insurance, being that for the average person it is extremely prohibitively expensive.
How can u not have adequate health insurance these days? And this also means the accident was her fault right? Or the other party’s insurance would be paying out? But can’t everyone get Obama care or something? I’m in California and dad makes it sound like she is soooo severe poor her, she should be getting disability payments and medi-cal. My brother gets it and he is high functioning. Not severe at all. Dad is enabling the adhd dr and when they are gone, who’s going to help her? Not sister because she wrecked her car ! Good job dad ,
No, not everyone is entitled to ACA coverage. Several states still have not taken the Medicaid expansion, which means that the only way you're getting on Medicaid is to be a parent or be disabled. For low-cost insurance, those states also usually have ridiculously low cutoffs (last I checked I think my state is still like $14k/yr for a single person) to get anything through the Marketplace, and then it's still gonna be like $200/month plus high deductibles. It's ridiculous.
Dad could also be playing up the severity, and if that's the case SSDI would be an instant denial. Not to mention that any disability claims are very fucking hard to successfully get.
Also, he’s just saying she couldn’t handle school PLUS a job, which doesn’t require having disability-level ADHD. Lots of people with ADHD struggle in the public school environment but do just fine when they’re out of it. It’s a valid concern even for non-severe levels of ADHD.
Mom and Dad can pick up second jobs or something, but honestly- taking them at their word that they weren’t involved in decision to allow her to drive the car, I think Casey needs to take some responsibility with her choice to let someone else drive her car. You never let someone drive your car that can’t afford to replace it. Her reaction is completely over the top.
Now if she had complained to her parents about her sister begging and they told her to just let her drive it- then I’d be on Casey’s side. But that doesn’t seem to be the case here. No one is maliciously denying Casey her car, it was an accident and money is finite. Car accidents can happen with anyone driving it, but was a particularly higher likelihood with her choice to let her newly licensed ADHD little sister drive HER car that she knew no one could afford to replace.
Long story short- little sister will need to work over the summer to contribute to the costs. Big sister needs to accept her responsibility in setting boundaries with her vehicle. Parents need to set aside what they can as well to help make Casey whole. Because in the end it WAS the younger who crashed it and should have the greater burden of consequences.
My brother has been getting SSDI for over 15 years and he is high functioning. He actually has a driving job getting paid cash under the table, where his deliveries pay in cash. Previous to this job he worked at a Dealership doing oil changes. He has purchased 2 brand new vehicles with dad as co-signer of course bc he doesn’t have much credit, but he has made all his payments on time and paid them both off, and he is also in a sporting club and travels with them for weekend competitions out of town with no supervision. He can book and do the whole hotel thing all on his own. He does not take medication.
Oh absolutely. My dad’s a big loser and will do anything for money . He’s always been like that so of course he was trying for years to get him approved. He doesn’t get the full amount but almost $700, but still so shady.
That burns my ass. We were making just slightly too much to even apply for it for my severely impacted autistic 4 year old. They told us we could but that he wouldn't get it because of our income.
Drives me freaking nuts. My kid probably won't ever live independently and that money would have been helpful in defraying some of the costs of his care. But nooooo.
“Adequate” is a subjective term here. Both types of insurance plans have a wide range of “adequate” offerings that leave their customers with a wide range of residual responsibilities, yet they’re all considered sufficient by many.
Having insurance that pays YOU to use it is a rich person situation.
I don’t think they thought it would fix her. It was an opportunity for her to speak in a mediated environment, and if she wasn’t entirely explaining prior to that, then it at least opens that line, even if it was just to receive more details.
The mediator should tell the op that if one of his kids saves up to buy a vehicle, that vehicle is for the kid who saved and paid for it. They shouldn't harass the responsible one to allow the ADHD kid to drive her car. And when the insurance pays out for the totalled car, the money should go back to the cars purchaser, not to the medical bills op is responsible for.
Taking your children to a mediated session includes being able to hear what he didn't want to hear. He should have made a payment plan for those bills and not taken from his oldest child to cover an expense his child made that he was responsible for. But he did and then tried to have a therapist coax the angry child into being more agreeable after having her vehicle totaled and the insurance money taken to cover bills he was responsible for.
I didn’t read op as saying they used the insurance payout to pay bills. I read that it wasn’t enough to buy a new car and they couldn’t help her because of the medical bills they had to pay. 🤷🏼♀️
Where are you getting that they used the insurance money to cover medical bills?! I get we're only getting one side of the story, but this is just making stuff up
When medical bills get covered and cars don't get replaced... I didn't make anything up. I just told what op wouldn't because if he said it everyone would be calling him the outright ahole
Do you live in the US? Did you get a running start before making that leap? Op didn't say the bills were "covered" just that they existed. Probably paying a monthly amount on them. Which can easily cut into any discretionary spending. An insurance payout isn't going to be enough to replace the car. And can take awhile to actually payout. Even if they used the money to cover the medical bills, that may have been more critical. Like, yeah it sucks she doesn't have a car, but there's ways to work around that. The parents may not have been able to work around suddenly owing an extra $10k+ in medical bills.
I do live in the US. I also know how insurance works. if they had money to cover the med bills, they got the payout for the car too.
Their med bill, regardless of how much, should not absorb the payout for the car. That should have went back to their oldest child that paid for the car. Ops bills are his own responsibility. You can't take from your kid and tell them to get over it then claim to be not an ah on a reddit forum without getting called out for it.
Try educating yourself regarding insurance instead of getting ignorant when you hear something you didn't like.
I do think op needs to make things right, but nowhere does it say he used the car payout to cover the medical bills. He says, " the insurance payment not being nearly enough to cover the replacement, and having medical bills, we can't afford to replace the car immediately." 2 seperate things. In other words they were hoping to cover the replacement with the payment, but couldn't, then with the medical bills their other income isnt enough to cover the difference. I get reading comprehension is hard, but you can't just make stuff up and twist things to fit your narrative.
he says the insurance wasn't enough to replace the car AND cover the medical costs, it's safe to assume they used some of the insurance money for the medical bills, depending on the coverage, out of pockets and copays
No, he says the insurance wasn't enough to cover the replacement, and they had medical bills on top of that. In other words their other income wasn't enough to cover both.
The mediator should tell the op that if one of his kids saves up to buy a vehicle, that vehicle is for the kid who saved and paid for it. They shouldn't harass the responsible one to allow the ADHD kid to drive her car. And when the insurance pays out for the totalled car, the money should go back to the cars purchaser, not to the medical bills op is responsible for.
Taking your children to a mediated session includes being able to hear what he didn't want to hear. He should have made a payment plan for those bills and not taken from his oldest child to cover an expense his child made that he was responsible for. But he did and then tried to have a therapist coax the angry child into being more agreeable after having her vehicle totaled and the insurance money taken to cover bills he was responsible for.
According to OP, that's not what happened. They weren't harassing the daughter to let her sibling borrow the car, they weren't even part of the conversation. They also said the insurance payment itself wasn't enough to replace the car, and then the parents also couldn't afford it after medical bills. It doesn't say they took the insurance payment.
Read between the lines.
Casey 'allowed it' doesn't sound like Casey wanted to let the sister have the car..
Also when the op wrote about not having the money to replace the car.. where the money the insurance gave? They do usually pay out book value for the vehicle.. why do they need a year to add to the insurance money, if they didn't spend it on medical bills, to replace the vehicle..
The read doesn't have to say it for it to be true. A lot of people get on here and won't tell it all because they know what their replies will be if they do.
Every penny that was paid out for the car should have went back to the oldest daughter for her lost vehicle. None should go to the medical bills op was responsible for. Had the insurance money been used like that, it wouldn't take nearly a year for them to replace the vehicle. I don't need anyone to tell me that either bc I know how insurance works 🤳🏼
Read between the lines.
Casey 'allowed it' doesn't sound like Casey wanted to let the sister have the car..
It's possible, but OP says they weren't involved.
Also when the op wrote about not having the money to replace the car.. where the money the insurance gave? They do usually pay out book value for the vehicle.. why do they need a year to add to the insurance money, if they didn't spend it on medical bills, to replace the vehicle..
Insurance pays out the current bluebook value, but the car was purchased recently and has likely depreciated. Insurance won't reimburse what you paid for it, unless you have gap insurance which almost nobody does. The auto market has been crazy recently, so there's a good chance the loan is for more than the car is currently worth.
The read doesn't have to say it for it to be true. A lot of people get on here and won't tell it all because they know what their replies will be if they do.
Every penny that was paid out for the car should have went back to the oldest daughter for her lost vehicle. None should go to the medical bills op was responsible for. Had the insurance money been used like that, it wouldn't take nearly a year for them to replace the vehicle. I don't need anyone to tell me that either bc I know how insurance works 🤳🏼
Like I said, what insurance pays isn't necessarily what it costs to pay off the loan and get a new one.
And if you're going to highlight what I said, why don't you highlight where the op said he wasn't involved? 'YoU'rE JuSt mAKiNg StUfF uP'
You're just trying to defend a turdy parents poor decisions and aholish behavior. Dude asked if he was the ahole for telling his daughter he didn't care if she was mad about him not replacing her car for a year that his other kid ruined. And he is.. and I think you are a lil bit too 🤳🏼
If what you guess is what happened, I’m not sure therapy can fix that amount of scumbag in a person. OP and their spouse are going to end up in the shittiest nursing home ever if that’s how they treat their kid.
There's a cap on that if you select minimal coverage. She broke an arm and leg and it was probably an er visit with an ambulance involved. Those are pricy.
If that exceeds the amount the insurance will payout because of the amount of coverage you selected, they would be liable for any leftover medical costs.
The car would get a set amount depending on its blue book value.
Op hasn't been back to tell us what that amount was and if they spent it or gave it back to the totalled cars owner.. if Casey is acting like this, I'd bet they never gave her anything back from the insurance payout and just said they'd replace it. And they won't for nearly a year (because they spent the money.)
(This is why you always opt for decent coverage instead of bare minimum coverage for your vehicle insurance.)
You’re right. I worked for a State Farm agent right after college. He refused to sell low, inadequate coverage. He believed he had a fiduciary duty to his clients and said if they were underinsured, they could come back and sue him if they didn’t have sufficient coverage after an accident. I don’t know if that was really a legitimate concern, but I definitely learned the value of being well insured.
She is, but why is OP dragging her into family therapy to try to force her to be more agreeable and less irritable with her sister and parents.
Makes him a ahole from another realm to think her behavior needs therapy after what they'll pulled.
Dude needs therapy to learn how to take accountability for his self.
The family therapy part struck me as funny. If they are in the US, unless they have really good insurance (and given the other comment about medical bills I assume not) the cost of those therapy sessions would cover a monthly payment on a starter car. Like OP doesn't mind spending the money, he just doesn't want to spend it on her.
They took money slated to recoup Casey's losses and paid their own bills with it. They stole from Casey. It wasn't their money that bought the car, it was hers and they took that reimbursement money she worked for and kept it.
Definitely. Personal injury payout is separate from the car damage payout and the car damage payout would cover the value of the car if properly insured. Because she’s a minor, they got the check. I hope Casey moves out of state and never speaks to them again. Also, she should sue them because they are responsible for their minor child behavior and the damage she caused
As a older sister I would not care for a car my sister come first. Didn't the parents say thay would give back the money for the car I can't wait the people in the comments I would be just happened my sibling come out the crash safety . I know the the sister work for the car but I would understand my parents situation.
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u/mumlyfe88 5d ago
I would guess they took the vehicle replacement money and used it to cover medical costs related to the wreck. Op, yta. And you are really bold to assume family therapy would push your oldest daughter into behaving normally after what was taken from her.