YTA. Did your daughter "let" her younger sister drive her car, or did you browbeat her into doing so? If her younger sister's ADHD is so bad, why was she driving in the first place? You are 100% responsible for replacing your daughter's car. Stop making excuses.
Also, your older daughter had first-hand knowledge of her younger sister's problems. Do you honestly think your older daughter would have agreed to risk letting her irresponsible sister drive her car, especially when she worked to save enough money to get the car that she wanted? If you don't make this right immediately, then you suck and your daughter has every reason to lose trust and respect for you. Take out a loan, withdraw from your 401(k), or do whatever it takes to make this right for her. If you don't do so, do not be surprised when she leaves at 18 and cuts contact. If it gets that far, write off any expectation of her going out of her way to help you with any future financial problems. You are untrustworthy.
Adhd kids have the executive function of someone 30% younger. It's like letting an 11 or 12-year-old drive a car. Even with medication, they should probably be delayed in driving until 19 or 20 at a minimum. (I wish I knew this back when I was 16 wrecking cars one after another)
I agree. I had a few at-fault accidents before I was diagnosed and treated. None were intentional, but I'd get lost in my thoughts, etc.. I'm so glad I never hurt anyone. My insurance premiums were sky-high until I got my sh*t together. This was between 19 and 23 years old.
My and my brother with autism have a far better time with driving than my brother and sister with ADHD, who's brains get overwhelmed. Me? I just don't fucking get it, but my brother is a whizz at it. He can drive no problem and he's the only one of my siblings, besides me, that has no ADHD. I agree, 20 at minimum, 25 if you have the privilege to swing it
I agree! I have manageable (with meds and mental exercises) ADD - not ADHD - and depression. I finally got diagnosed and began treatment at age 23. I wish I had learned this much earlier, and I'm so glad that I caused only property damage and not bodily harm. If OP doesn't lock down on his youngest daughter's driving, he will be held financially responsible if she causes serious injury. I hope he carries maximum limits of liability on his auto policy, plus an umbrella policy.
My best friend's brother has autism, and I have no concerns about riding with him ever. He's a brilliant systems engineer, could probably be a professional comedian, and is a great guy to hang out with even though (or especially because, depending on how you look at it) he has no problem saying the first thought that comes to mind regardless of the social setting. Our entire friends group have similar senses of humor, so it's all good.
My sister and I both suspect that we may be on the spectrum, but since we are 59 and 54 years old, I don't know that there would be any benefit to being tested for it. We both have families, children, and manage to hold down professional careers, but we definitely have our quirks.
Yeah, a lot of autistic people struggle with driving but it's more the whole LEARNING part, not exactly the driving part. Like I know that once I get it down, I'll likely have no issues driving and will make minimal mistakes because I am like that with everything. I know how to park and I know how to like get on the road and I've never had an accident with either of those things, but learning how to do them was a bitch of a task. I also have BPD and OCD which could easily be playing a hand in my struggles to learn and also drive.
My siblings with ADHD are so far struggling with learning **and** doing it, lol
I bet it wasn't even browbeating. Casey is a glass child like I was, and you don't need to be browbeaten into loaning things to the other sibling. I did it because I was taught to and to try to show my parents that I was good and deserved their love. The browbeating happened years ago in childhood, and now Casey probably just gives her things to Alana knowing that they will be destroyed and that her crappy parents will do nothing about it because "that's just how Alana is." This was enough of a high value item to wake Casey up when it was lost and to make her see the truth about her parents and how little she matters compared to her sister.
Casey doesn't matter. Her things don't matter. Her money doesn't matter. All that matters is Alana, and until that changes, Casey shouldn't say a word to these people ever again.
Thank you for your insight -- I didn't even think about the attempted blame-shifting! These 'parents' thricely suck, and I hope that their daughter laughs in their face if they ever ask her for help later in life. I detest this type of scum.
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u/Corwin-d-Amber 5d ago edited 5d ago
YTA. Did your daughter "let" her younger sister drive her car, or did you browbeat her into doing so? If her younger sister's ADHD is so bad, why was she driving in the first place? You are 100% responsible for replacing your daughter's car. Stop making excuses.
Also, your older daughter had first-hand knowledge of her younger sister's problems. Do you honestly think your older daughter would have agreed to risk letting her irresponsible sister drive her car, especially when she worked to save enough money to get the car that she wanted? If you don't make this right immediately, then you suck and your daughter has every reason to lose trust and respect for you. Take out a loan, withdraw from your 401(k), or do whatever it takes to make this right for her. If you don't do so, do not be surprised when she leaves at 18 and cuts contact. If it gets that far, write off any expectation of her going out of her way to help you with any future financial problems. You are untrustworthy.