r/MadeMeSmile • u/Razzore • Aug 02 '24
A random stranger from Germany saved my mom's life a few years ago. Yesterday my mom received this... Helping Others
Made me smile, and tear up a little... good tears.
The letter has been held back for a period of time and is not dated, but we are just over 3 years from the stem cell transplant procedure. My mom has gotten to spend several more years with us and my children and hopefully many more to come. All because of the kindness and caring for humanity from a complete stranger from the other side of the world (we are Canadian).
She was given about 6 months to live just before the donor was found.
Thank you, kind stranger. Hopefully, you won't be a stranger for much longer.
We will 100% be reaching out.
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u/stevefxs3 Aug 02 '24
My 22 year old son got the call a few weeks ago that he was a match with a 1 year old boy with cancer. He's gone through all the screenings and is going for his stem cell donation in Houston on October 1st. He's a Senior in college and is looking forward to doing this.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
As someone on the receiving end, I don't know that you know how much this will mean to that entire family. He may be saving one life, but changing the future for many people and possibly even future generations of that family.
Thank you for raising a good son, and thank your son for being a good human. Please.
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u/stevefxs3 Aug 02 '24
He's a really good kid and there wasn't even a second thought of him doing it even if it had to be the surgical extraction of the stem cells. His older brother (my other son) has cerebral palsy and autism and he's always been one to go the extra mile to help him out any way he could since he was a toddler. His biggest concern was that it was going to be in the middle of mid-terms and he was afraid professors would give him a hard time if he was gone. I said I doubt any professor would have an issue.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
Wow, my heart feels good tonight. Thank you.
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u/FawnZebra4122 Aug 02 '24
It's admirable that he's thinking ahead and trying to balance his responsibilities with his family's needs.
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u/jaggederest Aug 02 '24
Any professor who has an issue you just march that metaphorical get out of jail free card right to the college administration. "We were going to attend a funeral, but it was cancelled, due to my son's actions."
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u/fullmoonbeading Aug 02 '24
As a professor- I would never say no to this! Just make sure he tells them early in the semester so they can help him plan if he has to miss anything. The professor will like the early heads up too!
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u/kingofthebunch Aug 02 '24
I hope and pray for the professors understanding. It's technically an elective procedure for him, but absolutely not for the recipient, so they should understand the gravity of the situation.
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u/Slobberchops_ Aug 02 '24
I’m a college prof — I would totally bend over backwards to facilitate this. Just give your prof plenty of notice if you can.
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u/captainam13 Aug 02 '24
I donated peripheral blood stem cells in my first year of grad school. While the extra doctor’s appointments and blood draws were doable with my schedule, I did have to plan for donation day. I told my advisor that I’d have to miss a day of class and lab, and his reaction was “go save a life! Take the time you need!” He also didn’t bat an eye when two other students left class to come pick me up (I had a pretty intense reaction to the anticoagulant after I got through most of the donation, and the center didn’t want me to drive home).
A lot of my friends joined the NMDP registry in college through drives hosted on campus, and I know at least 4 who have been called to donate as matches, many within the first 2 years of being on the registry. My college absolutely used this as positive news media, writing articles about how great it was that a drive hosted on-campus led to the potential to give someone a new life.
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u/trod999 Aug 02 '24
This is the most kind hearted thing I've ever read on reddit. ❤❤❤
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u/Gabe-Ruth8 Aug 02 '24
What process did your son go through? I would be interested in being a donor if possible
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u/FaceofBeaux Aug 02 '24
If you're in the US, go to BeTheMatch.org!
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u/animatedhockeyfan Aug 02 '24
And if you are in Canada, here you go!
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u/ChefPuree Aug 02 '24
Jesus thanks for the new way to feel old. Apparently my stem cells are TOO ANCIENT at 38. First they didn't want my gay blood, now this. Sorry anyone to needs to live, I guess!
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u/katubug Aug 02 '24
I'm old and chronically ill. They would probably pay me to keep my filthy blood to myself.
But it's heartbreaking. Every time I see posts like this, I think "hey, I have cells! I'll sign up!" and then remember, you know, gestures vaguely all this.
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u/StephaneCam Aug 02 '24 edited Aug 02 '24
Hey you, I feel you! I wish I could do something with mine but I have cancer myself so…yeah no one’s going to thank me for sharing those cells! There are other things we can do to support people who are able to donate. Here in the UK the Anthony Nolan charity fundraises for people with blood disorder and runs a stem cell register - they pay for transport and accommodation to help people donate too. They have lots of ways to support them without donating! https://www.anthonynolan.org/help-save-a-life/donate-money
I’m sure there will be similar charities where you are!
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Aug 02 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/katubug Aug 02 '24
Thank you for the kind words. I meant my comment mostly as a joke, but it is a genuine disappointment for me, and honestly I'm just having a bad day today in general. So I appreciate you saying this, and maybe I'll bring this up at therapy next week. Appreciate you 💗
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u/Scullyxmulder1013 Aug 02 '24
I’m dependant on allergy meds because I have pretty bad allergies. Being able to function normally without allergy medication is a condition for donating stem cells. While I get it, it breaks my heart.
I donate blood whenever I can and that’s usually fine except I have low iron so sometimes that’s an issue.
I’m sorry you’re feeling bad about this and you’re not well generally.
Not being well enough to donate stem cells feels like a betrayal from my body. Otherwise I’m healthy. Though I just learned I’m too old for stem cell donation by now.
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u/UnicornFarts1111 Aug 02 '24
I was not eligible to be on the register due to a spinal fusion I had at age 12. I was crushed. My mom had just passed away at the time and they were doing a registry drive at work for this and I wanted to sign up. Back then, you had to pay for the blood test to register, so our work sponsored it. After I filled out the questionnaire, I was told I was not eligible. I cried as I just wanted to help. HR brought me a stuffed animal later that day to try and cheer me up. It was very nice of them.
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u/CoffeeBeanx3 Aug 02 '24
DKMS Germany would still like to have your stem cells, and due to modernised regulations, we also enjoy gay blood!
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u/Fresh_Sector3917 Aug 02 '24 edited Aug 04 '24
I did PR for the monthly campus blood drives at the University of Illinois during the mid 80s. Naturally, I donated whenever I was eligible. Until the no gay blood ruling came down. As a then closeted young student, I had to come up with a new excuse every month for why I couldn’t donate.
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u/gorgeouslygarish Aug 02 '24
I just registered - thanks for sharing and making it easy!
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u/menonte Aug 02 '24
The German one appears to be https://zkrd.de/
I don't qualify, so maybe someone else has a use for it
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u/curious_fish Aug 02 '24
Und in Deutschland könnt Ihr Euch hier informieren: https://zkrd.de/registrierung-spende/
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u/SulkyVirus Aug 02 '24
I did this like 8 years ago, do I need to go back in and update anything? Or is it good forever?
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u/Munch1EeZ Aug 02 '24
I don’t think you do
I think it’s based on a genetic database
And if matched they will send more stuff for swabbing, etc., but not sure
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u/Far_Product_1667 Aug 02 '24
Weirdly enough, only if you stay in the same country - I moved from Germany to the US, and learned that the Germans will drop you from the database and they send you all sort of data so no new sequencing has to happen, which is kind of cool. In the US they then only show a friendly message that anyone over 40 won’t be registered because you already are too old. What a weird way to start midlife crisis!
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u/ChickinMagoo Aug 02 '24
My 19 yo daughter and I went to Houston last October for her to donate stem cells. She signed up at a campus Be The Match drive her freshman year. The coordinator said that she herself has been in the system for 14 years and was surprised that my daughter was only a year in before her match.
We flew in on a Sunday, did the aphoresis on Monday, flew out Tuesday. Be prepared for him to be extremely fatigued. Sure slept the entire evening and night of the procedure despite napping during it.
I'm super proud of her and she was so happy to donate, especially since her sister had a heart transplant. Really a great way to change lives!
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u/Rdhearts Aug 02 '24
Did you guys have to pay for travel? I'd love to do this but couldn't afford to fly out anywhere.
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u/stevefxs3 Aug 02 '24
Sounds like a similar story to my son. I think it was right at that 1 year mark or even less and he got the call. I'll let the girlfriend deal with the overtired patient since he picked her to go over mom or dad
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u/AussieinHTown Aug 02 '24
What an incredible thing to do!! It’s not often that someone gets a chance to directly save a persons life, and that is what your son is volunteering to do. As a family member of a stem cell recipient, I can’t tell you how grateful we are for his donor. A donor is a ray of hope in a desperate place.
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u/Philx570 Aug 02 '24
Thank him for doing this. My son is still with us thanks to an anonymous stem cell donor. ❤️
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u/tillman_b Aug 02 '24
You have obviously done it right to raise not only a selfless son, but one who eagerly looks forward to doing such a thing. Because of your son, those parents who are going through the worst nightmare imaginable have hope. I'm sure he's the sort that would play it off as no big deal, that anyone who was in his position would do the same, but I hope you make sure he realizes what an amazing gift he is giving scared parents.
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u/berrieds Aug 02 '24
I donated stem cells 8 years ago. It honestly feels like an honour to be able to give someone else a chance at life. It's so simple, yet so powerful. I think many of us just wish we could as easily do such positive things to help others. Best of luck to your son.
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u/jubbagalaxy Aug 02 '24
Not exactly the same, but when my dad passed away unexpectedly, he broke with his religious doctrine and was an organ donor. He was unfortunately too unhealthy to donate much, but they were able to take skin and his corneas. It brought me comfort to know someone out there probably had some extra freckles over burns and that two people might get to see the world because of his gifts. I'm so very glad another good person all the way in Germany wanted to help your mom!
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u/Readsumthing Aug 02 '24
I’ll never forget the phone call, from an organization, thanking us, via my dad, for his corneas. They said,
“Two people have been given the gift of sight”
Those words were such balm to my grieving heart. My father would have been so pleased.
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u/jubbagalaxy Aug 02 '24
same. my dad was really invested in the community. there was standing room only and so many complete strangers came up to me telling me how much they appreciated my dad and everything he did for them.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
It is the same enough. The people who received his donations and their families are more grateful than you can imagine. He affected so many people in a positive way.
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u/jubbagalaxy Aug 02 '24
thank you. i really needed to hear that today. he was a dentist for 35yrs before his passing. after working in health departments and free clinics, he opened his own practice in my hometown. he participated in the head start program (dental care for low income kids) started a once a month HIV/AIDS dental day once a month with advanced cleaning protocols (he opened his practice in '88 so before a lot could be done if people had contracted the disease) when he died, he was the only dentist in my hometown that accepted medicaid. i remember him building partials for people at our dining room table. and that was just stuff related to his job.
once a month he'd work a few hours for the local free clinic. he cooked and donated dinners through the jewish men's service organization to a halfway house downtown. on christmas day, he'd deliver meals for meals on wheels so christian/catholic people could spend time with their families. i hope that all the goodness he had in him came with that skin and those corneas.
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u/5261 Aug 02 '24
He sounds like an extraordinary man; thank you for sharing your memories with us.
There’s a Jewish teaching that I’ve always loved: “Whoever saves a single life is considered by scripture to have saved the whole world.” Think of all the worlds he saved—not just those who were lucky enough to receive his skin and corneas, but every one of their loved ones, current and future, whose lives were changed by those gifts!
Not to get too deep with it, but that break with his religious doctrine feels like a beautiful reflection of the life he lived and the values he lived by, repairing the world in the small ways he could during his time here and in the way he chose to leave.
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u/jubbagalaxy Aug 02 '24
That is very reassuring. He has always been dedicated to being a good person in general. He was a brilliant man who went to Duke University at 16yrs old. He lost his dad during his sophomore year (which is when I lost him as well.) He passed at 57. My mom just turned 75 2 weeks ago but had to be in the hospital for 2 solid weeks. She's been ill before (major stroke/car accident in 2020) and when I get overwhelmed I try to think about what he would do
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u/jenguinaf Aug 02 '24
There was a beautiful episode of Monk (for those unfamiliar an American light hearted tv show with a brilliant detective who after the death of his wife never recovers and is crippled by OCD and other issues) where he sees a woman and something about her he can’t get out of his head and he finally tracks her down and realizes she received donated corneas from Monks wife and it was his wife’s eyes he saw when he briefly met her at the beginning of the episode.
Pretty sure that’s not how it works but great TV none the less.
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u/AllAroundFanatic Aug 02 '24
I hope they could see each other. That would be wholesome! Also, I love the "genetic twin" thing
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
Same. My mom still can't leave the country for 1.5-2 more years post procedure. But I would pay to fly him here, that's all we know about him, he's a male.
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u/mamacrocker Aug 02 '24
Until them, FaceTime or Zoom or something would be worthwhile, maybe?
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
Absolutely, we've already discussed some options. She is having issues emotionally at the moment and struggling to make the call feeling like she's going to ball her eyes out and not be able to say anything.
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u/Ko_Willingness Aug 02 '24
Maybe reassure her that bawling your eyes out on a video call is fine and pretty normal these days?
My grandchild was born during lockdown and I met him through video call. I bawled my eyes out. There was a lot of snottears, gibberish and nose-blowing on both sides. I don't think we made sense but it was a wonderful moment.
If they want to meet, just seeing each other is a momentous occasion. It doesn't need to be a Shakespeare event to be valuable.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
Thanks, I may use that approach
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u/Ko_Willingness Aug 02 '24
I don't know your mom's upbringing but in my case, my peers and myself were taught to keep emotions to ourselves in most cases.
I learned to loosen up with time and especially with my own kids, but the jump from in-person or phone communication to online was really difficult.
What helped a lot was little conversations with my (adult) kids and their mentions of video calls with friends, a rant about a call with their boss etc. And them making quick calls to me (hey we're waiting in a toll queue, thought we'd say hi!) and getting me used to emotions on a screen.
Don't know if any of this applies to your mom but thought I'd throw it out there.
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u/Proof_Strawberry_464 Aug 02 '24
The donor is also very clearly aware that she will be emotional about the situation. He even mentioned it in the letter. It seems like he will be kind and understanding if she breaks down. Please reassure her of this, OP. He and your mother will be connected in a way that nobody can understand. Reading this letter, he's looking to connect. Not to judge.
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u/erizzluh Aug 02 '24
It seems like he will be kind and understanding if she breaks down
the person donated their stem cells to possibly save a life. i think if anyone in the world would be understanding, it's that person.
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u/Infamous_Ad8730 Aug 02 '24
Wasn't aware that a male could be a genetic twin for your mom. Excellent.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
It didn't surprise me, only because I offered to donate but unfortunately was not a high enough match.
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u/DeepFriedCocoaButter Aug 02 '24
Same thing happened with me. 20 y/o college student in the US (at the time) and I later found out I donated to a ~60 y/o Russian grandma. Definitely not who I had in mind when I was donating haha
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u/awwaygirl Aug 02 '24
How did you find the genetic twin?
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
The hospital did all the work through a global registry. I didn't even think that was a thing.
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u/xX_theMaD_Xx Aug 02 '24
As a German, I can confirm that they advertise registering for the registry over here. It’s really simple, once you’ve done it you don’t have to do anything unless they reach out to you and in like 99% of cases you’ll never hear back from them.
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u/auchnureinmensch Aug 02 '24
Registering as a donor is very easy and effortless.
The German DKMS is active in other countries as well. Iirc they have the biggest database of possible stem cell donors.
https://www.dkms.de/informieren/ueber-die-dkms/die-dkms-familie-unsere-internationale-arbeit
If you are reading this, please consider to register.
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u/alxndr3000 Aug 02 '24
Whatever the bone marrow program is called like in your country - go find it and register! To register these days you'll need to swab your mouth. Takes three minutes and can potentially save lives. Go, go, go! ✊🏽
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u/30kalua89 Aug 02 '24
That's so nice of him to write such a beautiful letter and hope your mom recovers well. Do you or anyone know is it similar to donating blood where ones body makes fresh blood and all good or this procedure leaves donors body in a different state ?
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u/DeepFriedCocoaButter Aug 02 '24
I donated a few years back. They gave me shots for a few days that caused my body to release stem cells from my bones into my blood. Then, after 3 days, they hook you up to a machine that takes blood from one arm, separates out the stem cells, and puts the blood back in your other arm.
Whole procedure hurt less than donating blood (smaller needles), it just lasted a few hours. Felt totally fine after and even went for a run that night.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
Thank you. From my understanding,
Donated blood replaces lost blood.
Donated bone marrow or stem cells create new cells. The marrow is collected from the spine and is not a comfortable procedure from what I understand. It took courage and love for this man to do what he did.
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u/30kalua89 Aug 02 '24
That's good it's similar thing just more uncomfortable situation I guess compared to donating a blood. Do you know how one can sign up for either donating stem cells ? Is it pretty hard to get one if in need compared to when in need of blood ?
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u/cardew-vascular Aug 02 '24
A Canadian parliamentarian ended up getting a stem cell donation from a young German man and they ended up meeting in Ottawa a few years later.
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u/InfamousOak Aug 02 '24
I'm hopping on to this, since it's the top comment: If you are from Germany and interested it's very easy to get registered:
You can order the test kit online, it will be send to you with a little mouth swab and once done you send it back, postage is free! https://www.dkms.de/aktiv-werden/spender-werden
When I was in school they did this as an event every year (voluntarily of course). Afaik a lot of schools here do it, maybe that's why there seem to be a lot of matched from germany :D
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u/WhiskyTequilaFinance Aug 02 '24
I don't know if I'll ever be called, but that's why I've been on the bone marrow registry for a decade now. It's an incredibly rare chance to truly save a life.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
You are a good person. Even after what we've been through as a family, I honestly have never thought of doing it for others myself. I only volunteered for my mom because she's my mom. Seems selfish now, I think I will look into it. I feel a little embarrassed of myself for not considering it sooner.
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u/TheVeryAngryHippo Aug 02 '24
Just sign up. You can have the internal dilemma at the time should the very rare thing happen and you actually hit a match.
Also, if you're wanting to make a difference now (and are eligible of course) go and donate some blood. There's a big shortage at the moment.
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u/lize221 Aug 02 '24
my aunt has bone marrow cancer. she had her first transplant 6 years ago and was in remission but it came back and she is supposed to be getting another transplant soon. thank you for even registering 💙
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u/uncool_immaculate Aug 02 '24
Also on the registry for almost a decade! I got notified about one potential match but it didn’t end up going through. My little cousin needed a marrow transplant a few years back and had so much trouble finding a donor, it just solidified my wanting to continue to be on the list
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u/YeshBoysh Aug 02 '24
Thank you for registering. I had a bone marrow transplant back in 2017. It's been a rocky road since then, with several close calls. I've had friends who have died during the transplant process and friends who struggled to find matches. Some never found a match.
I reached out to my donor and they had set their contact preferences to No Contact. I wanted to thank them for their donation. Hopefully they know through posts like this.
If you're reading this and haven't signed up, there is not enough representation of minorities in the banks. I have a friend who's parents were Greek and English and it took him ages to find a match; time which could have (and probably) negatively impacted his outcome.
I got lucky. I'm "extremely common" as they said to me. For donors, it's a couple of injections and some time connected to a machine that samples blood (9/10ths of the time). You could save someone's life, and save a family heartbreak.
I wouldn't be here without you:
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u/HorriblyRomantic Aug 02 '24
I can’t wait for the update!
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
I promise I will. My mom is struggling to come up with what to say and keep it together. It's emotional. Will likely go down this weekend when I can go over and help her.
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u/Ch3ZEN Aug 02 '24
The tear drop on the page says it all
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
I didn't think anyone would notice tbh.
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u/Farrahlikefawcett2 Aug 02 '24
Tell her to say what you’ve said here. She has gotten time with her loved ones- a luxury and one that has impacted all of you. My God, when the world is filled with dread we discover gems like this, thank you so much for sharing!
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
It's amazing that there are people like this out there, I want to hug this man one day.
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u/Farrahlikefawcett2 Aug 02 '24
You will and one day I bet you’ll get to be like him for someone else. I’m so proud of your mom for keeping hope alive. I lost my childhood friend to cancer at the age of 23, whenever someone makes it, it heals my grief.
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u/HorriblyRomantic Aug 02 '24
Good luck! What a wonderful story.
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u/mamac2213 Aug 02 '24
Yes. I imagine it was just as difficult for the letter writer to write and know what to say. This is a wonderful letter!!
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u/Plebian401 Aug 02 '24
That’s fantastic!!! Keep us updated. I donated my marrow to an infant and, after a few years, I was able to meet him and his family. It made me incredibly happy. I’m sure your mom will be thrilled to finally meet her donor.
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u/carpetgrazer Aug 02 '24
Thats so amazing, this comment and thread inspired me to sign up at bethematch.org to get a swab kit.
Can I ask if after you got tested and matched up did they just call you up?8
u/Plebian401 Aug 02 '24
I got a call years after I signed up. Because it was an infant they didn’t need a lot of marrow. They sedated me and took it out of my pelvis with a syringe. Easy and painless.
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u/ladypine Aug 02 '24
A German stranger saved my mom’s life in the same way 5 years ago. I think of them often and am overcome with gratitude each and every time. If anybody sees this, please consider joining the registry on BeTheMatch.org so that you could save somebody’s life too- not every patient is as lucky as my mom was in finding her perfect donor match. The process to join the registry is a simple cheek swab in the mail, and the process to donate stem cells should you be called is similar to donating blood. It is literally giving the gift of life. Thank you to the stranger who saved my mom, I love you.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
Thank you for this. Wanted to add that it's not just the gift of life, but the gift of time for everyone in that person's world. It affects many more people than the recipient themselves, as some people may not realize.
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u/ladypine Aug 02 '24
Well said!! I feel beyond lucky to have had my mom for these past 5 years that might not have been. May you enjoy many more happy and healthy years to come with your mom ❤️
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u/00lSofial00 Aug 02 '24
I just signed up to be a donor! Thanks for posting the link
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u/diatriose Aug 02 '24
When I was 19 I got the call to donate stem cells. I belong to a fairly rare ethnic subtype so I signed up to be in the gene bank in such an instance. I accepted and my recipient made a full recovery from cancer. One of the best things I've ever done.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
I don't want to say you have "no idea," but you really changed more lives than you can imagine. Not just family, but friends, loved ones, coworkers, neighbors. Thank you !
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u/diatriose Aug 02 '24
I always encourage people to send their swab into places like Be the Match or Gift of Life. It was a relatively painless (a bunch of injections and then they kind of filtered my blood for a few hours) and incredibly rewarding.
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u/reddoorinthewoods Aug 02 '24
My husband matched almost a decade ago. We didn’t know much about the recipient except he lived half a world away and had been told he had months left. We got an update a couple years after that he was still alive and kicking. It’s such a wonderful gift to be able to make that difference for someone. For anyone reading who hasn’t signed up to donate, I strongly recommend it.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
Thank you and your husband. The dozens of people he changed the lives of are immeasurable.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bed1337 Aug 02 '24
"If not then not" lmao. Can't get any more sure that a German wrote this
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u/Nirocalden Aug 02 '24
That was my first thought – definitely German :D
"wenn nicht, dann nicht" is such a common thing to say.
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u/Additional-Soup-7711 Aug 02 '24
We also just got a very lucky bone marrow transplant from a donor in Germany. We are so so so grateful.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
Germany is becoming a common theme here. Thank you, Germany, and congratulations.
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u/Strange_Lady_Jane Aug 02 '24
What's going on in Germany man? I wonder if there was huge public relations campaign or something. All of these peoples are commenting how they/their family received from someone in Germany.
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u/firmalor Aug 02 '24
DKMS (german) has a database of over 12 million potential donors and is the largest database for this im the world. That means around 1 in 8 Germana is registered.
They started in 1991 when a family, trying to save their daughters life, realised there were only 3000 registered donors in Germany. They are truly non profit and very driven (the daughter did not survive). It's very easy to registera and free of cost.
By now, they branched out into other European countries (especially Poland), and other organisations have followed their model.
They are often at huge festivals or universities where they expect a lot of young people. I think within the young population, it might be likelier to be registered than not.
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u/lostineuphoria_ Aug 02 '24
I’m German and I remember when I went to university like 10 years ago the DKMS (I guess that’s the German version of this bemymatch thing) did several events where they asked for people to register. I just realized I should update my data with them.
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u/wkhw Aug 02 '24
This. Also I remember when a woman in my area needed a donor because no one of her family was a match the local newspaper published an article about this to spread awareness and informed people that they could get registered for free. You don't even have to go to one of the DKMS events they will send you a free test kit you then send back.
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u/Grizzly-Berry Aug 02 '24
The organization/registry does a lot of marketing campaigns and PR stuff and they have booths at conventions (like Gamescom) or other events (like Pride festivals) where you can get information and register right away so they can reach people willing to donate who wouldn’t have registered online.
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u/asuddenpie Aug 02 '24
What a lovely and thoughtful letter. It reminds me to be a better, kinder person.
OP, I'm so glad to hear that your mother is doing much better now. I hope this is the beginning of a lifelong friendship and a great milestone for your whole family.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
I originally wanted to post it on r/humansbeingbros, but it kept getting auto deleted. Thought this was fairly appropriate.
Thanks for your kind words
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u/asuddenpie Aug 02 '24
You could have also put it in Made Me Cry because that certainly happened to me (in the happy way)!
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u/TiredReader87 Aug 02 '24
That’s beautiful
I signed up to be a bone marrow and stem cell donor several years ago, but haven’t heard anything. I thought I was added to the registry soon after sending the stuff in, but I got a letter 4 years later saying I had been.
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
You are a good person, thank you for doing what you did
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u/TiredReader87 Aug 02 '24
Thanks. I try. I don’t feel like one, but I try to help how I can by volunteering at a food bank once a week and donating blood (I’m at 26 or 27).
I can’t work, and am not well, which I’ve been made to feel bad about.
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u/Party-Objective9466 Aug 02 '24
Doing what you can. That’s a mitzvah.
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u/TiredReader87 Aug 02 '24
Yeah. I try. I probably could do more but I’m always tired.
I spend a lot of time with my 92 year old grandpa, get his and our groceries after I volunteer, and go to the casino with him (I drive and bring a book, then we go out for supper).
We went to get his blood work done on Monday, and then ran errands. Then, we went to get his passport renewed yesterday.
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u/magus_vk Aug 02 '24
"we are related somewhere, even only if genetically" ...ah, humanity at it's best.... *feels warm & fuzzy*
OP - Dude, your mom's meeting her "living" (& loving) family. Embrace them and cry happy tears together.
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u/whydoyouhatemesomuch Aug 02 '24 edited Aug 02 '24
Was in NYC many years ago and happened to walk into a record store that was doing a sign up drive for Be The Match. I said why not and submitted a sample for the registry. Within a year or two I was contacted as a potential match for someone and went through the additional screening process. I ended up being the best match for the person and donated through the more invasive process where they harvest from the hip and didn’t think twice about it. Unfortunately my recipient didn’t survive, but would do it again in a heartbeat.
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u/mikeysz Aug 02 '24
What a beautifully worded letter. Eloquent, kind and not imposing. Would love to hear an update.
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u/CalnHobbes Aug 02 '24
TL;DR - got the call today. Let’s do this!
Coincidentally I got the call about this today! I had signed up more than 20 years ago and had totally forgotten about it, but received a call letting me know that I’m a potential match for someone. At first I thought it was a scam, but soon was convinced of it being a real thing.
20 years ago I was a young college kid, and now I’m grown up with young kids of my own. 20 years ago, I would’ve dove in feet first without a second thought, but now my life is not just my own; I have the longevity of my own family to consider. What if something happens to me and I leave MY family in a worse position? Although the donation process isn’t a highly risky one, risks are involved no matter what and with any chance of a medical accident, I couldn’t help but think twice, honestly much more than that, about whether or not to proceed.
I admire the individuals here who have donated without a second thought. Given the chance, I always thought I’d do it without hesitation but my named got pulled and reality has come knocking. It’s not as easy as I fooled myself into thinking it was. As someone going through this now, I admire everyone who risked their own health and made a decision to save a life despite the small risk to their own. It’s inspiring. It’s a reminder that there is good in this world. It’s powerful. It’s life-changing, even life-saving.
Even if it’s coincidence, it feels like fate that OP posted this today. It was as if you posted this just for me. Before this post I was only slightly leaning towards saving a life, but after reading comments from the recipient’s end, I’m committed. Thank you all for helping me to potentially save a life. I don’t know if I’ll actually be asked to proceed but if I am, I’ll be there. The risks aren’t lost on me, but the reward has been increased 10-fold!
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u/mmmallloryyy Aug 02 '24
I went through the donation process last October and it was actually a pretty easy, mostly painless process, if that makes you feel any better! I was very nervous as I hate needles but every medical professional I interacted with ahead of and during the donation process really made me feel comfortable.
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u/CalnHobbes Aug 02 '24
It’s great to hear confirmation from others! Totally helps make me feel better. Thanks!
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u/downtocowtown Aug 02 '24
My dad just went into the hospital for a stem cell transplant and I have been quite nervous and sensitive about it, this has me bawling. I am so glad to hear your mother is doing well, all the best to you and your family!
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24
Thank you, I wish you and your family the best of luck in the battle. Cheers to many more years together.
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u/IllusionLemon Aug 02 '24
It is really well known and advertised in Germany. They even organise events where they show up at for example schools and universities. If you are interested in joining the registry, they will immediately swab your cheek there
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u/Razzore Aug 02 '24 edited Aug 05 '24
Wow, this blew up. Thank you all for your kind words.
Thank you for those who signed up to become a donor or are considering it.
I'm well past bedtime. I will update you once they connect. Hopefully, this weekend.
Edit: we started the process. It is a lot more involved than we originally thought. It may be a little bit before they actually get to chat live. Will update.
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u/AntonLechner Aug 02 '24
I just received the opposite letter from my genetical twin some days ago.. I donated in 2022 and now the anonymity period has ended and we were allowed to get in contact. I always thought the recipient probably lived far away, but it turns out he lives in the next city.. I was too busy with work the last days to answer but reading this, motivated me to answer! And of course we‘re from Germany too 😅🇩🇪
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u/Dismal-Ad-1148 Aug 02 '24
That is amazing! I have always wanted to know about my dad’s donor whose family gave their 14 y/o’s heart! This was 21 years ago though. If anyone can point me in the direction to find out more info, I would be grateful! ♥️
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u/Elec7roFunk Aug 02 '24
I'm a blood cancer patient, Acute Myeloid Leukemia(flt3). I had a bone marrow transplant 21 months ago(currently in remission), a German donor. I'll be forever grateful to them as well as all the people that give blood, I wouldn't be here without them!
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u/Queen-Ame Aug 02 '24
This is what the golden rule means!! Had me tearing up reading it. This bloke really is a good people no ands, if or buts about it, it takes a hell of a person to do something like that even if it's as small as stem cells let alone a whole organ
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u/WittyAndWeird Aug 02 '24
I tried to sign up to donate, but I have a medical condition that disqualifies me. I was heartbroken. I’m so glad your mom was able to get the match she needed. Here’s to many more years together!
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u/Dependent-Ad-8042 Aug 02 '24
I used to be a volunteer bone marrow courier. I’d travel the world and pick up marrow & bring it back for transplant of marrow or stem cells. I transported it in a small medical cooler that never left my side. Typically, I’d get on a plane & the person next to me would jokingly ask if I had a human head or a heart or something like this in the cooler. But one time an older gentleman thanked me for transporting marrow. I asked how he knew and he recognized the organization I volunteered for and said that his wife many years ago had had leukemia and needed a transplant but in Germany where he was from, there was no registry to match donors to patients and by the time they were able to locate a donor it was too late for his wife and she passed. In her memory, he created the national registry in Germany. He was a touching & kind man. So get on your country’s registry, it’s easy to do and these days donating stem cells to save a life is not painful like it used to be. It’s more like donating blood. You can save a life.
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u/Myeloman Aug 02 '24 edited Aug 02 '24
I scrolled deep into the comments and didn’t see anyone post a link, so please upvote this so people are aware and can research how to get on the donor list and what it entails!! (I seriously don’t care about the karma, I just want people to be informed!!)
13+ years ago an as yet anonymous donor gave me a second chance at life. Diagnosed with myelofibrosis in my mid 30s with a wife and three young kids I was staring death in the face, literally. A bone marrow/stem cell transplant was my only hope. The transplant process is different for each patient, and because I was young, relatively speaking, the drs at the Puget Sound VA Hospital hit me hard with two very nasty chemo drugs. This photo is her stem cells in a small bag as they’re pumped into me, after chemo destroyed what was left of my bone marrow. The transplant honestly wasn’t that bad, for me, as I was on a LOT of morphine. I’ll spare you the more gruesome details, but at my worst I was septic and in isolation for about a week, none of which I remember. The worst part throughout this was the countless bone marrow biopsies, and worst among those were administered by drs who didn’t take their time. They can’t numb the membrane that encases the pelvic bone, and the needle is gargantuan, and has saw teeth around the business end to saw (literally) through the bone. Pro Tip- demand anti anxiety drugs and IV pain meds prior to starting, then jam earbuds in and play the hardest frickin metal music you can find, don’t care if you don’t like metal music, it’s just to distract you. First Dr literally gave me a piece of wood to bite down on, and was done in minutes. Best Dr gave me extra drugs, and took her time, massaging the local anesthetic into the membrane whenever I’d wince in pain (my wife held my hand and would tell the Dr). Took about 75 minutes, but I felt no pain after.
Lastly, if you’re a female who was living on the east coast 13+ years ago and donated your stem cells, thank you. I’ve lived long enough to see my kids graduate high school (home schooled) and go on to start amazing lives, the oldest recently getting married. We’ve gone on epic vacations visiting countless national parks, travelled coast to coast, north to south, and I’ve been blessed to love, and be loved, by the most amazing woman who saw me through it all, and whim I’m now caring for through breast cancer treatments. We even finally got to go on our honeymoon to Ireland, 26 years late, all because you made such a selfless donation. We tried to reach out but got no response, and I respect your privacy. Just please know I am doing well and living the best life I can, and I’m eternally grateful. Thank you. 💖💖💖
Ps. If anyone has any questions about what it’s like going through a bone marrow/stem cell transplant, fire away (or AMA, I guess?).
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u/DameKumquat Aug 02 '24
I signed the paperwork for my baby's umbilical cord to be used for research and saving stem cells, in case the stem cells could be of use later. It was about two minutes of paperwork in between contractions!
About 9 months later when I was wrestling with PND and various health issues, I got a letter saying that baby's cells had been a good match for someone in South East England and we may have saved their life - they couldn't give any more details for confidentiality reasons.
Still cheers me up to think about it.
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u/Front-Singer-6505 Aug 02 '24
I finally signed up because of this post. I had the urge years ago but never did.
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u/Business_Visual_2376 Aug 02 '24
Our friend in Germany donated her stem cells a few years ago to someone in another European country and I know she thinks about that recipient a lot. ❤️
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u/Beaglescout15 Aug 02 '24
My cousin had a stem cell transplant late last year. My cousin is multiracial with an adopted parent and it was next to impossible to find a family donor or any donor with a similar-enough ethnic background for her. We were praying for the best but quickly losing hope. Then she got the call, a young woman was a match, but the transplant would be the more-invasive surgical kind instead of the blood-donation type. We were told that the woman "immediately accepted" after being explained the situation. There would be a delay though, she is an active service member in the military and was deployed in a "difficult to reach" area and it would take 2-3 weeks to get to an American facility to complete the donation. She donated, the transplant was a success, and my cousin is on her way to a full recovery.
I am simply blown away every time I think of it. Not only is this young woman serving our country in a remote "difficult to reach" area, she agreed to travel and donate surgically to a complete stranger. I pray that one day we will be able to be in touch and thank her, not just for her selfless service to our country, but her selfless donation to my cousin.
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u/ScienceSlothy Aug 02 '24
For all the Germans reading this, wondering how to become a potential donor: https://www.dkms.de/registrieren
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u/1-800-steroids Aug 02 '24
For those interested in doing the same, please see https://bethematch.org
Large donor databases are crucial for finding matches. They will cover all medical and travel expenses if you're a match. These days most stem cell donations are done via PBSC, a minimally invasive procedure that's similar to giving blood
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u/rqny Aug 02 '24
DKMS Germany has been able to do some good awareness building of how easy it is to swab your cheek, save it in the donor bank and potentially save a life. It started years ago when a prominent businessman lost his wife after they couldn’t find a donor. The family has raised awareness and funds.
I am also 🇨🇦and I’m so glad your mom found her lifesaving match.
I saw your comment about how she will be emotional about meeting the donor and is worried about not being able to speak. I would guess that seeing her being a living and emotive human who loves her family will probably be more than enough instead of finding the perfect thing to say or keeping it together.
Wishing all of you well!
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u/HoxtonRanger Aug 02 '24
I matched to someone in Italy - all I knew due to data restrictions was she was a 40-60 year old woman and weighed about 100kg (I weighed 90kg). Did a full 6 hours of harvesting but wasn’t enough so came back next day for another 6 hours.
Found out a year later she sadly passed away as the charity needed to know if I wanted to be put back on the list (obviously I did).
Really hit me that she’d passed away - felt bit useless.
Sorry a bit of a bummer for this sub
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u/kat13o95 Aug 02 '24
My mom was diagnosed with myelofibrosis in January of 2023 after a week long stay in the hospital for anemia- her hgb was 5.6 by the time she went in. We were told the chance of her finding a match were slim-to-none, because she had a very rare set of HLAs. They thought her best chance would be one of her kids, which meant at best she'd get a 50/50 match. Not ideal. Luckily, out of nowhere, we get a call that they found an "8/10" match all of a sudden in Germany. They said this would be her only shot. She got her stem cell transplant in November, and though the journey has been tough, she's still kicking! I'd love to learn more about the donor who has given so selflessly so that my mom had another chance at life, so I can only imagine how cool this is for y'all. How lucky you are ♥️
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u/bubbsnana Aug 02 '24
My dad has lived an additional 21 years, thanks to the woman that checked the organ donor box before her tragic accident.
Her family opted to not meet in person, but many of us in our family wrote letters to them, which they accepted.
My MIL died last year, cancer spread nearly everywhere. But they were able to use her eyes to help someone.
Being an organ donor makes such an impact, for generations. Reading the heartfelt letters from grandchildren that would have never known their grandfather, if not for the donation, is a real tearjerker!
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u/technicallyimright Aug 02 '24
This is where you find god. In what we do for each other, out of kindness and compassion not out of fear of upsetting a supernatural being. Whether there is an actual god or not, when we treat our fellow human beings like this we all make our beautiful planet a brighter place.
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u/Princep_Krixus Aug 02 '24
I've done the same process about 11 years ago. They had just started doing the stemcell blood filter instead of the bone drilling.
Was an interesting experience. Unfortunately my recipient didn't make it. I was pretty upset about it when I found out 2 years later.
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u/Bfan72 Aug 02 '24
I love this! I signed up to be a bone marrow donor about 12 years ago. A few years later I got an email from Be The Match(the organization that arranges donations where I live) asking where my family was from. Apparently I have a rare HLA and I have a 1 in 10 million chance of ever being needed. If I ever get that call to donate I would show up the minute I got the call to start the process. Please know everyone that most donations don’t involve surgery anymore! Please sign up to donate. It’s an easy way to possibly help save a life.
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u/TheFabHatter Aug 02 '24
I once tried to sign up to be a donor, but had to cancel it because it turns out I’m a chimera. I’m my own twin! I even had my twin’s tooth removed from my earlobe.
I would have REALLY fucked things up if I had donated and it turns out my donated material was actually genetically my twin.
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u/Secure-Stand-7021 Aug 02 '24
I donated quite a few years ago and just last year heard back that my recipient is doing well. We haven’t met but I’m glad to know I helped.
10/10 would donate again.
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u/yourmomssocksdrawer Aug 02 '24
My grandfather received a lung transplant, we had 7 extra years with him. Thankful of the person who checked that box for every second of it doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings. My sister passed 2 years ago next month and we donated her organs, 3 total recipients. We’ve received letters and hand crocheted blankets since then thanking us for our sacrifices, but it’s just what my sister would’ve wanted. I too am an organ donor, when I’m done with this body, let it do the good of a tree in the woods. When it falls, it nourishes all around and allows the blossoming of new life.
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u/omichandralekha Aug 02 '24
That is an extremely well thought out and well written letter. Donor is a champ all ways.
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u/triplecaptained Aug 02 '24
God bless this stranger and may God bless your family too, OP
I hope your family and the donor get to be in touch soon!
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u/jabalfour Aug 02 '24
What a class act. These kinds of letters are difficult to write, I’d imagine, and I think the tone and sincerity are just spot on.
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u/geraghty62 Aug 02 '24
I had my blood tested last week and I am set to donate in 3 weeks! It has already been delayed twice due to complications with the patient, but I am hopeful they are able to receive my donation this time 🤞
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u/FlupFlup123 Aug 02 '24
I was notified last March that I was a potential match for someone. It truly came out of the blue for me, as I had been in the register for years and kind of assumed I'd never be called up. Did all the screenings and was ultimately the best match. Thus I donated my stem cells in June, to a woman of between 40 - 55 yrs old (That is all I get to know). My donation was a very cool experience, as I was laying next to a patient the entire time and we talked about life and things, which really put it even more into perspective.
I hope the person benefitted from my stem cells and can live a long and happy life. I am honored to have been able to help and would do it again in a heartbeat if I got the call. Maybe I should write a letter too, I know I am allowed to ask for a status update around the 6 month mark.
P.S. To any dutch people on here, you can register yourself as a donor at 'Stichting Matchis'. Join in and maybe you get to save someone's life!!
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u/einsq84 Aug 02 '24
Wonderfull!
My DKMS registration was in the mid 90ties (i have a 5 digit registration number) and I matched and donated my steam cells nearly 10 years ago (mid of July 2014) to my genetic twin in Italy. I only got one message that the husband and father of two kids is going strong. In Italy it is forbidden to connect donator and receiver. So i will never get an update.
But this donation date is always like a gifted birthday.
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u/jetpilots1 Aug 02 '24
My cousin, once she retired, took a volunteer position with a non-profit that had her flying all over the world to pick up stem cells and escort them safely to the US hospital that was performing the stem cell transplant. She used to visit me in the UK when she would be over this way, which would end up being 4 or 5 times per year. She has been to practically every country in Europe and South America thanks to this job, and I am very grateful that she got to play a small part in helping people fight serious illness.
She passed away from pancreatic cancer about 10 months ago, and I miss her a lot. 😟
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u/AussieinHTown Aug 02 '24
My dad (Australian) also had a German donor! He didn’t make it very long past the transplant but I am so thankful for the hope and the chance that his donor gave him. I would love to thank them but have been waiting a bit until I feel ready.
I am so glad that your mom is still going strong and I hope for many many more happy memories to come :)